Take all the labels off jars and tins and just call them jars and tins. Could lead to interesting meals?
Thats an analogy. I think we need to define ourselves. Without shame or guilt. No need to go and get Transexual tattooed on your forhead, but its especially important with a view to forming relationships. It is a feeling of never ending need most natal women think its weird and most gay men find it totaly repulsive, from my own experiences.
I will never segregate myself from society or my local community. Segregation is a thing from the past not the present and , the only ones that cause segregation are the ones that segregate themselves. I know what is coming , I have heard it hundreds of times , on the internet and to my face. Its okay for you! Why? . Why is it okay for me? . There is nothing special about me.
I do understand that some people cannot find the confidence but , you do have it in you , you look deep enough and you will find it. Then there is that old question! Are you convincing? Well I created a topic about that and the only person anyone needs to convince is themselves. I do find that a stupid question , I look in the mirror and I am convinced that the image I can see is me. At times I do not like what I see but , one thing I can see is pride.
We live in a screwed up world , if anyone thinks that another person does not belong in it then it is the other person who is screwed up . Acceptance will come one day for all , I will not be here to see it but I gained mine.
A young journalist student who wrote about me added one line I did not say "All it takes is courage" I asked her why she added it? She told me that she thought it had taken courage for me to do what I have. It did not take courage , it was sheer determination that drove me , I was determined to gain acceptance and that determination paid off.
So the human race is screwed up , just join in with it and we can and will one day be understood , hiding away does no favours for others. If the estimated 3 million Transgender people in the UK just walked out of their doors and let the world see them daily then it will become as normal as seeing a black person or mixed race or whatever . Then the word I dislike that some idoit made up can be removed from the dictionary , that word is "Transgender" I hate it as much as I do segregation.
just plain me
Crissie has nailed it with the jars and tins and could make and interesting meal . I was also shocked a few months ago when she posted on a thread that she has had the same line aimed at her "Its okay for you" Must be some kind of common line for some looking for an excuse or escape from reality.
Briana you put that very well , it is all down to who you are not what you are . Some could say well why are you (me Julia) so intent on letting others know you are Transexual? Because it is a fact , and I only do it to raise awareness not as a label , I am a female but I am also a Transexual female and I am pleased to be seen as an advert as it helps others understand.
Now the word Transgender. Why do I dislike it so much? It means to many things. As an example. I was invited to a certian meeting , it was a Transgender meeting . The person sitting opposite me who's eyes were glued on me all evening was a mess. I know at times I say I look a wreck but , at least I make an effort. This person was not far off my age , I am 56 so lets say mid 50s.
With eyes glued on me just sitting there with legs apart , wearing a skirt so short it could be called a belt. Ill fitting wig and make up that looked like it was put on by a child .The worse part was being unshaven , not just on the face but arms and legs too. If that person is Transgender then I am not but , when it comes to political correctness I am . I have to term myself as Transgender on awareness material about myself , I get NO! You cannot say Transexual , you have to say Transgender.
I do not want to be put in a group with others who just give the word a bad name because it give others a bad name , they do not deserve that because they make an effort , and it does take a lot of effort for some but at least they try , some try very hard. The person I was talking about was either making an effort to look a pratt or making an effort to give us all a bad name , I think they done a very good job at both.
just plain me.
I'm sorry but I'm not sure I can find the link between these 2 statements
to quote:-
Segregation is a thing from the past not the present and , the only ones that cause segregation are the ones that segregate themselves.
if anyone thinks that another person does not belong in it then it is the other person who is screwed up
to quote again:-
I do not want to be put in a group with others who just give the word a bad name because it give others a bad name , they do not deserve that because they make an effort , and it does take a lot of effort for some but at least they try , some try very hard. The person I was talking about was either making an effort to look a pratt or making an effort to give us all a bad name , I think they done a very good job at both.
Its not that hard to work out! Try reading it again and use your imagination , I will not spell out the obvious.
Take care .
ok, it seems to me that so long as the segragation is done on your terms and to your rules then it's fine, but when you're the segregated against, then it's a different matter
but, you're right, maybe I'm misreading it
Antonia! Sorry but I do not know who you are . Your profile is blank , you could be 10 years old or 99 for all I know , you live in no place , not even a country , maybe you are a figment of my imagination but , I will respond to you .
As long as the segregation is done on my terms and to my rules? .
The only rules I make are the ones I live by , if others want to segregate themselves then it is a fact that they are the ones doing it . Just because I refuse to do it does not make it "The rules".
I will give you another example of the tripe I listen to . This was a meeting in a police station . A young (about 30) trans girl spent most of the evening complaining about anything and everything. She had called the Police 13 times in one month because the man 3 doors down from her waves his fist in his own garden . I asked so what is the problem? Her response was , well how would you like it if he was doing it near you? I responded I would ignore him not call the police , she just assumed he was waving his fist at her. I asked her how do you know he is not scaring a cat or the birds away as there were no verbals used? She responded I know he is doing it at me , I replied well don't look then because one day you may really need the police and calling them 13 times in one month for that is child like.
As the evening went she told us that she speaks to no one in her village not even in her street . Now I call that a classic example of self segregation. When I asked her why she has cut herself off from the community she lives in she said it is my life , my response was , life? Is that what you call life? living in isolation , not speaking to anyone on a daily basis , it is unhealthy not life. I told her only you can change things , go and speak to the man who waves his fist and just ask him has he got a problem with cats or birds on his garden instead of calling the police because he is not committing a crime . She got in a strop and told me not to tell her how to live her life , and I told her I am not telling you how to live your life , I am suggesting you get one . For some reason she got up and walked out.
None of the above are my rules or terms . It is common sense nothing more or nothing less .
Take care .
I am keeping it friendly Madeleine! Believe me I held back from what I wanted to say. How can I respond to a blank person? I done it in the most respectfull way I could because I think this is a wind-up. I have seen some plain profiles in my time but this one has topped the list , it is just like talking to a blank page.
Back to topic before the above:
We have a minortity within a minority where the word Transgender is concerned was the point I was making at the start.
Some people who call themselves Transgender seem to be hell bent on making it harder for others . They do it by showing themselves off in public places as if it is a game. Doing that gives the good a bad name , the media can have a field day with it , then we get public misconceptions of us. Untill the public understand that it is just that minority within a minority that needs to be weeded out and not classed as Transgender the word will continue be abused.
It is strange because it is a nice sounding word . If the abuse of the word ever stops in my life time then I really don't mind it , as long as it is abused to cause problems for others already having a hard time it will never get my blessing. Life for some if not most is hard enought now without making it harder for them. My care is for the ones that are having a hard time , not ones having a good time at others expense .
I am out of this , Take care .
Why are we here, on this particular site, a transgender site? Because we have an empathy with each other, something you will not find on a convential social site. So without realising it we do segregate ourselves in the main. The ''It is OK for you'' phrase is common, those people like Crissie and Julia, don't distance themselves from society, they are here to help, but it does not help if they push others into situations that make those people feel uncomfortable or pressurised into being out and proud. If they lead by example of what is possible, then they have acomplished so much,
I am out, working mainly in a male enviroment, I certainly would not add proud, but I do my job, well, so any issues with how I present myself should not be an issue. Wo betide anyone that does make it an issue.
In a previous job, in a management position, I was physically assaulted, ''you do not hit women'' did not come into it, as that person regarded me as a man in a dress. I was arrested and cautioned for causing actual bodily harm.
My assailant was arrested for theft and common assault and did time. So it is understandable that people in our situation have to be careful.
Now we come to the terms, we use ourselves, crossdressser, thats what they are, transvestites are just that, transexuals, none of the aformentioned to to be pitied or judged for what they are, Like ordinary people they should be judged on who they are and how they behave.
I didn't realise I'd deleted most of my profile details...
Because of a problem I have with this site, I'd intended several months ago to delete my account, but the deletion routine doesn't work on my account, so I cleared out the details instead. I have been on this site for many years and used to be a full paying member, but have got so exasperated with parts of it. I always kept an eye in every now and then to see whether the problem I had with the site went away or came back. They went away, so I uploaded my photo again (not remembering that I'd deleted the profile detail) and took tentative steps into re-joining...
anyway, the problem keep coming back to the site. And I'm still not that bothered about taking my membership any further.
but I saw the posting on the forum about the old classic TV vs TS vs TG and saw what you'd written Julia and thought that it needed a response to point out the flaws in your argument.
I stand by what I've written and I'm sorry but your responses reinforce that
I did say I am out of this but , I think it is fair to say that Cass knows me fairly well . Firstly I have "never pushed anyone" into something they are not ready for or cannot do , I would like to think she knows that. I was always made aware of others backgrounds before the meetings. Why was I asked to attend them? Because they needed someone with real life experience there to help solve the problem or problems. The problem I mentioned above was solved and the girl who walked out did thank me a few weeks later. Yes at times I have to sound harsh to get the result , I cannot and will not put the whole event here.
Antonia! When I looked you had no profile details , just a name. Sorry but , you being so observant I am not going to say you are not telling the truth but it is a bit hard to believe. I have also deleted my account in the past because of other members , I also stand by everything I have written here. They maybe flaws in your mind but in my mind they are based on facts and real life.
Yes this is a Transgender website and all are welcome. There is a very big difference to what goes on the internet and what goes on in the real world , the two are very far apart. If it would make you happy for me to delete my account then you just say the word . If you think I have no place here then I will take your word for it . Would you like to know why I would do that? Because I care , yes I do care . I care about other people and I care about this website . If me being here and having an opinion is a problem to others then I will just go for the sake of this website and to please you.
My opinions are strong , I am strong , the reason they are strong is because my life has not been a walk in the park , I would never wish what has happened to me in my life on anyone. I have spent so much time helping others and also my own money , why? Again because I care. All anyone has to remember is my opinions are just that "They are my own" I have a right to form an opinion .You and anyone else has a right to theirs too.
I am not responding to this again but , I will look in on it and await your word! Or anyone elses for that matter , you want me gone then you just say so , that goes for others too .
Added:
I cannot change the world and what others think of us but , I have changed many peoples lives. I changed them for the better , through me others now live better and happy lives and not hiding away in shame.
Take care
firstly it's not my website, it's not run for me, so whether I or anyone else wants is immaterial, if it coincides with the values of this website then we join, if it steps too far away then we make other decisions, so my feelings on whether you delete your account again is completely irrelevent.
we make our own decisions for our own reasons for engaging with a community. The options range from being a quiet supporter, being a active member, being an influencer (ie shaping the community) and also deciding whether a community is moving in an opposite direction to where you want to take it, or whether it fulfills a need for you.
If it doesn't for me (and I haven't said that) then it may do for you or anyone else - and who am I to decide? a community is an organic thing and can change. We can all influence or not - it's our choice and if that influence means it steps too far out of what most t people want then it can either change, continue as it is, which may mean it thrives or dies regardless of what I want.
Stepping back or deleting an account is entirely a personal decision and should not be done as some kind of grand gesture. I only mentioned the inability to delete the account based on a question regarding my profile.
I actually emailed Katie regarding the problem and she wanted to know why I wanted to delete my account, and I told her and specifically asked her not to act on it nor make it public.
Finally can I say sorry for hijacking this thread.
Antonia Myers said:
ok, it seems to me that so long as the segragation is done on your terms and to your rules then it's fine, but when you're the segregated against, then it's a different matter
but, you're right, maybe I'm misreading it
Can anyone here tell me or point out to me that I make the rules? . And also so long as the segregation is done on my terms! .
I really would like to know .
And if anyone here thinks that I am going to apologise for being honest and being myself then they are very much mistaken.
Take care
this has gone on long enough - I'm sorry but it has.
I took 2 of your quotes, one where you were talking about where segregation was a bad hing and another where you were saying about how you were judging and distancing people because they didn't adhere to your idea of what is an acceptable image for the TG/TS/TV community. So it made me think that segregation is ok in certain circumstances. I am happy to admit I may have misread it (I said as much), but I did say that I couldn't find any common ground between those 2 statements.
You offered no explanation, but said to read it again and I replied with the above quote, because it still is difficult to reconcile those 2 statements.
It just is.
It doesn't need any threats to quit, it doesn't need me or you belittling each other, it doesn't need any attack at all. To be honest it doesn't even require an answer, that's up to you. Butlong ago in the mists of time of this topic your posting was 'on topic' and my initial responses was also 'on topic' for this thread, you might not have liked them, but they were on topic.
But unfortunately an intersting discussion piece has gone way off topic once again.
I'm sorry for my part in dragging it there (no pun intended)
Antonia Myers said:
this has gone on long enough - I'm sorry but it has.
I took 2 of your quotes, one where you were talking about where segregation was a bad hing and another where you were saying about how you were judging and distancing people because they didn't adhere to your idea of what is an acceptable image for the TG/TS/TV community. So it made me think that segregation is ok in certain circumstances. I am happy to admit I may have misread it (I said as much), but I did say that I couldn't find any common ground between those 2 statements.
You offered no explanation, but said to read it again and I replied with the above quote, because it still is difficult to reconcile those 2 statements.
It just is.
It doesn't need any threats to quit, it doesn't need me or you belittling each other, it doesn't need any attack at all. To be honest it doesn't even require an answer, that's up to you. Butlong ago in the mists of time of this topic your posting was 'on topic' and my initial responses was also 'on topic' for this thread, you might not have liked them, but they were on topic.
But unfortunately an intersting discussion piece has gone way off topic once again.
I'm sorry for my part in dragging it there (no pun intended)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I say:
I agree this has gone on long enough , I do not want to see this thread locked .
So I am going to hopefully clear a couple of things up. Firstly I do not segregate against TV/CD/TS , to me we are all human beings with differences , I am no better than the other. Why do I not want to be put under the same umbrella as the person I was refering to? Because I would never expose my private parts in a public meeting. I said that person was doing a good job of giving us "All" a bad name . The person in question goes into shops/retailers dressed like that , and has been asked to leave , not because of who they are but because , being an adult standing over 6 ft tall wearing a short skirt with no underware children can see up "Mum that lady has got a willy" Get the picture?.
Not so long ago I also posted some images of a man calling himself Transgender exposing himself in public places , I only posted the rear views. He lives 11 miles from me . Again it is abuse of the word Transgender.
I have said I do not know you , I have no idea what you know about me but , I do care . I care if certian people give others a bad name when those other people are already having a hard time. I care about many things in life , most of all I care about the way the public percieve us. We are not strange , we are normal human beings . It is a fact that some use the word Transgender in the wrong way.
I hope that clears things up and this thread can stay on topic now .
I have had to add my name in red as all of my software is updating and quote has gone wrong.
Wow, A lot's been said.....Are we any closer to the truth? Probably not, but we are closer to understanding what makes us all tick. How could we not be. We push each other to limits without regard for the limits we set for ourselves and call it ok. We are sure at the end of the day that the day ended but are unsure that the day ended in peace.
It's really hard to understand how I feel. For me and for others too. I do feel though and that's a good start. All who have commented and have yet to do so will agree. To thine own self be true.......Be who you are and don't pretend. All of us pretend at one time or another but not because we want to. Because we think it necessary.
The good news is you can't pretend to be something your not for too long. The day will come and I do mean you will be looking for something and trying to understand all at the same time. What the hell am I gonna do now? I'll use what I've learned. I'll never stop learning either.
I am an intelligent woman, I am a scientist, I am a wife, I am enchanting. Those are my labels. I think the looming question here is, how do you label yourself? If you label yourself transgendered, transexual, or any of the like, then be prepared for the backlash that follows such labels. I am a woman, and expect to be treated like a woman. In our society women are second class citizens at best. Abused, mentally, physically and emotionally? So you choose the label of transexual, transgendered, or the like and you are mtf, well then be prepared to be a second class citizen and be treated as such and sometimes worse.
The inteligent woman,, scientist, has a very restricted view of how gains were made, could your friend ever be regarded as a wife in law?
with the rights that go with it?.
A hard subject to please everyone, just remember that the little we have got, in the way of acceptance and laws protecting our rights, were gained by people using these labels to promote fair play for themselves and others.
Lets not get away from the fact, employment wise, socialising, even down to shopping, without the rights to change documents, etc. there would be more bigotry and discrimination. might even be considered in legal terms to hide ones
change of gender for instance, in relationships, fraud, deception. Unfortunately for some, they will not pass as natal women, their feelings are the same as those that do pass, its people like that, that helped gain us the freedom and rights we have. Just guese whats in the tin.! Just think a 100 years ago they hanged trannies, in some countries they still do.
Lúthien Lúinwë said:I am an intelligent woman, I am a scientist, I am a wife, I am enchanting. Those are my labels. I think the looming question here is, how do you label yourself? If you label yourself transgendered, transexual, or any of the like, then be prepared for the backlash that follows such labels. I am a woman, and expect to be treated like a woman. In our society women are second class citizens at best. Abused, mentally, physically and emotionally? So you choose the label of transexual, transgendered, or the like and you are mtf, well then be prepared to be a second class citizen and be treated as such and sometimes worse.
Ah my friends!
I think I should have also stated that I think the reason why people treat in particular MTF transgender is because they are women additionally because of being different the oppressors having to oppress another group of people. It is good that progress is being made but I am one of those all or nothing kind of people and in my view there can be more done and I believe there will be more done it just takes time. But I dont want to give you the impression that I think you deserve the mistreatment, the abuse, mentally emotionally and physically. Not at all! I wouldnt with that on anyone! Not even my ex scum sucking bastard of an ex husband lol! I think that the abuse stems from the fact you are women. The more 'passable' the worse it can be depending on location and associations. I remember my friend Crystil, and how she was having trouble getting hired. I used my network to help her get a job as a game character developer. She was very tallented and deserved it. She was beyond passable if that is even something you can say! I really miss her. I AM saying is the more transgender people who have the ability can and will help those less fortunate with jobs, mental and emotional support, maybe even housing? The better of society will be as a whole. I couldnt believe Jerry Springer still showing "take down tranny' (forgive the term) shows! Thats just bad and really he does it on purpose and it does the community no good. I vision a center for transexuals that offers scholarships, lodging and meals, mental, and emotional support, and just a fun place to hang out without worrying about some idiots spoiling their day. It would be an underground railroads of sorts were it wuldnt draw public attention and the help would be spread word of mouth. I read US history in the university and I think there is a lesson to be learned from Harriet Tubman!
Please let me share my story of love and hate...
I am Ethiopian and half Japanese (E mother and J father) but genetics makes me look like a woman of color and I love it. The day I met my soul mate I didnt look at her that way, but then my feelings for her grew, and I questioned them myself, I didnt know what to do! I searched from within, and talked to my grandmother (Ethiopian side) only about it, who is very understanding. She warned me, change my name and disappear, because they would never be understanding. My grandmother supported me financially, mentally and emotionally right under our familys noses. Eventually they found out, my mother found out and told them. One day I was visiting my grandmother, my mother founbd out and called my uncle to come kick my ass. I had peper spray and a gun with me, and I am fortunate that I survived that, and I realised my grandmother was right. My Japanese side of the family said I brought shame to the family name being married to a woman. That kind of thing can push a person to suicide. Me however, I am stubborn and do not follow the old ways. So I did what she suggested and hence my name is Luthien. I wont say what it used to be. Does this situation sound familiar? My family wanted to kill me after they found out! It's been 2.5 years since, and my wife and I are happy together, but it came at a price and the cost of our love is priceless! I did not loose a family, I gained one. It's amazing how hateful so called family can be. Being married to my wife carries a death penalty in Ethiopia so I can never return. In Japan at least our marriage would be recognized but with Fukushima radiation leaks, and worsening storms because of climate change who wants to go back to that?
I have spoken to many women (transwomen but I do not like the term so I just say women) and many have similar stories. It is a sad world we live in, but we all in the lgbt community need to support each other, and allies. Next time I will tell you what happened to me at my old job when I told people I am a non-theist!