I know some are not going to like this and even disagree but the excuses for not coming out are running out. It is a fact we are living in a more accepting world. The older generation who could not or did not want to understand are being replaced with younger more accepting generations. I have heard some very lame excuses for not coming out , some bordering on child like. In a recent meeting a couple of people said , people laugh at me and people look or stare at me. I told those people no people laugh! It does not mean they are laughing at you. I also told them it is normal behaviour for people to look at each other. I told them to just sit in town and watch people , they laugh , they look they even cry fight and argue. People do many things , it is human nature.

If you have not made the mistake of getting married or getting in a relationship and having children then the only thing that is stopping you is the person you see in your mirror. If you have made the mistakes and are living a life of misery then why prolong it? If you are deceiving your family and children and more so your wife then stop and think. Only you can change things! It really is not an ideal relationship and it is not healthy on you or anyone else involved.

People are going to get hurt that again is a fact but it would be better to come clean and make a fresh start.

Most civilised countrys have laws to protect your employment and as long as you do it the correct way there is no reason why you cannot keep your job. Certian work places will be more difficult so it may be a good idea to change employers if you can before coming out or start new employment in your new gender role reducing the shock. One member here (who will remain unnamed) is in one of the safest professions there is to come out in yet still hides in shame and most likely will untill they die. That aside there is no need for anyone to be ashamed of being born with something that is no persons fault. I see people with physical disabilities going about their lives everyday and they do not live in shame , they get on with it. Being Trans what ever is not a disability it is a genetic fault that can be corrected. So next time you see anyone with limbs missing then count yourself lucky , same goes for permanent severe mental illness that has no cure, consider yourself lucky.

Whether anyone likes it or not the excuses are all running out. Living here in the UK I feel as safe as any other female and have the proof that I am just as safe as they are. It is 2014 and soon it will be 2015 so when do you think it will be safe to come out 2030?. No the answer is as soon as you can because if you want to be happy then it is in your hands , and it is your life that is ticking away.

Take care and take it easy .

Julia x

Julia, circumstances alter cases.  What is right for you is not right for everyone.  Your needs are entirely yours.

As you know I am married - very happily.  It was not a mistake, at all.  It has given us many years of happiness. Of course, I am not trans as such - I'm a simple cross dresser, so I do not have the pressures that some of our members have. You have made a few valid points here, but there really is no one size that fits all.

I agree Amanda! We are all different but this was mainly aimed at the ones who have not yet entered into a relationship with the sole intention of deceiving their wife or partner. As you know when it comes out it destroys most relationships. I do not agree with you being "A simple cross dresser" You are a human being who cares and you deserve your happiness.

Because of the figures from the London gender clinic that there are an estimated 6000 transgendered people living in my area I decided to find answers. I want to know where they are , my doctors surgery has over 8000 patients and I am the only trans patient they have on record. All of the doctors and nurses say I am the only one they have treated or even met in their careers.

I spent 10 months talking to hundreds of members of the public to find answers to certain things and produced a paper on my findings. My main aim was to produce it for the police and a few organisations. I do seriously mean that it is safe to come out! I now have the proof. Surely being honest from the start of any relationship has to be the way to go forward. With the internet people now have all the information at their finger tips.

There is no one size fits all as you say but , if you think about it if the estimated 3 million transgendered people living in the UK  all came out then it would not be long before it became as normal to see a trans person as it is to see a black person.

Take care , Julia x

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