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Can someone please help me, I am confused about my gender!!

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  • I am a 17 year old female but I feel like I should be a boy.

    At the beginning of October 2014 I developed a crush of my gay male teacher, I know that sounds weird but please carry on reading, I need help. I then started to notice that I didn't feel comfortable in my female body, I don't like my breasts which are 36DD's, they seem to get in the way of everything, also some of my male friends keep looking at them which makes me feel like a object instead of a friend. Also I wear male hoodies which fit me but my hips get in the way of the bottom of the hoodies. I also wear a messenger bag and the strap goes btween my boobs, this is annoying because it makes them seem a lot larger and I keep trying to hide them with my long hair, again, when I am walking around the college campus, guys keep looking at my breast and girls look at me as if I look silly which can get me down sometimes. I know that I am not self conscious because when I look in the mirror I like the body that I see but I am not comfortable knowing that it is my body.

    I know for a fact that I would feel more comfortable without my boobs and wide hips.


    Recently I went with some friends to my best friends house to watch some films and when they started playing Cards against Humanity I sat out because I felt sad (I was thinking about whether I am transgender) I left a couple of minutes later because I was going to cry. My best friend then came and I told her how i was feeling and she said that she felt like that slightly and went through a lesbian phase for two weeks then went back to being straight. She said that I should experiment with my sexuality. The thing is, gender and sexuality are two different things.


    Also i feel that I should stay as a female because I really like hugging my friends and I feel that if i transitioned and became a male and then hugged a male friend of mine, he and my friends would find it weird, also I have a crush on this guy so maybe I should stay as a girl to go out with him.

    I have also thought that maybe I could be a mix of both genders but again I am not sure.

    Can i also point out that I am a tomboy, I wear hoodies and jeans most of the time and I am quite strong.


    I know that my friends would support me because my friend is bisexual and another is pansexual

    Only my best friend knows and I am planning on telling my teacher due to the fact that he is very supportive in everything that happens

    Could you possibly tell me:

    - Who I should talk to

    - What I should do next

    - If this is just a phase

    and anything else you want to say.


    Thank you for reading this essay, I just am really confused about my identity.

      November 30, 2014 4:19 PM GMT
  • Mia! We have excellent Doctors here in the UK who will refer you to someone to help you. You being a Tom boy does not mean you are transgender , you really would know if you were and were serious about changing your body. You say you like the body you see in your mirror but then say you are not comfortable knowing it is your body! Well it is your body and if you like it I am no expert but it seems best to keep it.


    I can relate in some ways to how you feel because my deceased partner of 23 years was a Tom boy and she admited to me she had a few crushes on other girls.

    When we first met I had to tell her about my gender identity within a week because I knew I could never hide it from her. It was that what held us together for so long , she was the He and I could be the She.


    Have a talk to your Doctor if it is affecting you in a serious way then you can be refered on to get yourself sorted out. You maybe a lesbian but most lesbians have no attraction to men so you maybe bi sexual or you "could" be transgender in someway. Let an expert figure it out but please stay here and wait for some more responses and you may make some friends too. Amanda Bruce may be able to help you! She is more qualified than me and is a member here.


    Take care , Julia x

      November 30, 2014 5:10 PM GMT
  • Well that was a fast exit! Was it something I said?..........

      November 30, 2014 6:24 PM GMT
  • Moderator
    I am f to m and have been in transition for a bit over two years and have education rereguarding this topic. What you are describing sounds very typical for a female with possible confusion of sexual orientation than gender identity. Having a crush on a teacher no matter their sexual orientation doesn't dictate your sexual identity. The breasts especially when large are difficult to deal with and having ppl stare at them would be uncomfortable it would make anyone feel like an object rather thathanks an individual that has value. I think ur friend suggested exploring ur sexuality because you seem to be struggling to understand your sexual orientation not yyoursexual ideidentity. Being a transman I know from experience I hate my bbodyand I like women. I hate my body because it doesn't display the male body I know is supposed to be there. Many women are totomboys but doesn't mean they want to be a man. I think talking with a licenced professional may help talking to ppl on here and doing research to understand what it's like to be transgender could help . I don't know about talking to your teacher about this they usually really are not ququalified in these things. I'd go with ur friends suggestion to exexplore ur sexuality and talking to ppl on here reading posts on here. The f to m has many good posts that can help u understand transmembrane more and maybe help u decide what you feel is right for you.

    Also feel free to message me personally if u have more questions or replying on here I'd be happy to help.
      December 1, 2014 2:08 PM GMT
  • The member has gone Jasper! That is why I posted was it something I said? . It would have made no difference who responded the same would have happened. The last one that done this I kept out of just to watch the member vanish. Some of these cases are genuine! It is hard to figure out who is and who isn't. I am going to take each case as genuine untill I am given cause not to.


    Take care , Julia

    This post was edited by Former Member at December 7, 2014 8:34 PM GMT
      December 1, 2014 8:44 PM GMT
  • This member was asked to leave because they were under age, its very often those in most need of help are under the minimum age for this site.    They would have been sent a message/email outlining the conditions and given links to what is legally considered more appropriate sites, for those young people in need.

    But many thanks for the concern and help that was given.

    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
    This post was edited by Cristine Jennifer Shye. BL at December 2, 2014 9:36 PM GMT
      December 2, 2014 9:33 PM GMT
  • Thanks for that Crissie.

    It is hard to figure out sometimes if it is someone just playing games or are genuine. I am pleased Mia would have been sent links to help her out.


    Julia xxx

      December 2, 2014 9:55 PM GMT
  • I find it heartbreaking that we have to turn young people away, but we are not qualified to deal with young people, we have had people here as young as 14 obviously in distress, genuine. and it worries me that they could end up on other rather obnoxious sites. but we have to do what we do to protect this site, even though we do get the odd idiot on here, and the odd troll, the fear of young people becoming enamoured with some who offer advice whilst not intending to, advice that could be inappropriate, perhaps even being groomed,

    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
      December 2, 2014 10:09 PM GMT
  • It would be good Crissie if there could be a seperate part of GS where young trans people can go to with a Moderator that has been CRV checked. This website is one of , if not the safest place to avoid sexual content. When anyone puts transgender into a search engine they just get hit with dating sites. I can only imagine what must be going though their minds if they enter them , some make me sick at my age. Just maybe one day it could be done and not allow older members to enter that part without permission.

    This post was edited by Former Member at December 2, 2014 11:33 PM GMT
      December 2, 2014 11:33 PM GMT
  • I think there should be a seperate forum for underage young people who can ask about their questions and problems. 

      May 6, 2015 9:32 AM BST
  • It is very important that we take all claims from members that  they are under age are genuine, searching for help, yes we might get the odd idiot, troll whatever, but better to waste a few minutes on the stupid than risk upsetting and destroying a young person's life, dismissing them out of hand and making them feel like total rejects.


    Moderators who edit and close profiles, have links to specialist youth sites, every person who appears under age should be sent the links  to help them in a kind, sympathetic way. if they are trolls or idiots they get their profiles closed down anyway. hopefully the genuine ones will find the advice and links given to them  helpful.

    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
    This post was edited by Cristine Jennifer Shye. BL at March 12, 2016 12:10 AM GMT
      March 12, 2016 12:07 AM GMT
  • I was just reading some old posts Crissie and this is just one that caught my eye , I remebered it from when it was posted. Maybe I should have let it be but after Leelah Alcorn's suicide and many others before and after it just hit me right where it hurts.


    Julia xx



      March 12, 2016 10:41 AM GMT