Newish member

  • December 21, 2014 5:06 PM GMT

    Just wanted to add an intro post here. My real name is Dan. I'm 53, married and retired. Yes, I retired at a slightly younger age than most. I worked for the US gov't for over 25 years and, because of the nature of my job, I was eligible to retire once I turned 50. I do have hobbies and interests to keep me busy, some my own and some I share with my wife. The two things we do together are scuba diving and beekeeping. We met 10 years ago on a scuba diving trip to Cozumel, Mexico. We lived 1,500 miles apart but it only took 10 months before she moved to be with me. 8 years later, when I retired, we moved to her state to kick back and enjoy life without the daily grind of working for the man. Beekeeping came along as a way to take a hobby and make some extra money. It expands your hzizons as I'm constantly one to keep learning new things. And the honey is great.

    My gender variance is that I'm a crossdresser. The first time I wore womens clothes was when I was about 14 or so. My mothers pantyhose. Then I went on to wearing my sisters panties. It was erotic to say the least. When her friend Peggy stayed over one night, I stole into her room, took Peggy's bag and put her clothes on. I laid on my bed and masturbated. After that I kept a few of my sisters panties under the mattress in my room to wear occasionally. Eventually I was caught by my mother. I knew something was up by the way my parents were looking at me with worried expressions. I have a large family, 3 brothers and 3 sisters, mostly older. Me and my father didn't have much of a relationship at all. I was quiet and introverted as a child. Looking back I have always felt that there was something different about me where I didn't interact well others beyond the superficial. I was told not to cry. When I was upset I was told to get over it. I wasn't growing up to the man I was supposed to be I guess.

    Anyway, that afternoon my father took me for a drive to pick up dinner. He asked me how the clothes got there. All I said was I don't know and clammed up. Didn't say a word. He gave up eventually, maybe hoping this incident scared it out of me. Well, they didn't keep the information to themselves as my older brother called me a fag. That day forward, I was never happy at home. I tried to spend as little time there as I could. My sister caught me one more time, seeing that some of her lingerie was missing. All she said to me was, "put it back".

    Once I was out of the house and on my own, life crossdressing obviously became easier, but I still kept it in the closet. I carried, and still do, a lot of shame that I still need to work out. It will come with time and some professional therapy. I came out to my wife last week, you can read that post in the Coming Out forum. Things are progressing slowly with her I am being patient and understanding. I think I'll just start a blog and write out everything that I can remember as it comes along.

    So, happier to be where I am right now. There is a lot of stress and anxiety but it is less than before I explained me to my wife.

    This post was edited by Annette Anderson at December 21, 2014 5:09 PM GMT
    • 746 posts
    December 21, 2014 5:40 PM GMT

    First of all, you must accept yourself as you are OK!  It is society's narrow view of the gender binary that prevents people from being comfy somewhere in between.  

    Second, do not rush into full disclosure with your wife...please do allow her to sit on the info she has and give her time to sort it out.  Most people have limited, at best, ideas of any of this and it tends to be influenced by religious standards, which today, is totally negative.  Be frank with her in whatever she might want to know, but do not take it beyond what she knows unless she asks.  In time, she will or ought to soften her stance if she does not feel "threatened".  By threatened, people usually see what the ramifications are to them, not really caring about you.  

    So be patient and learn to love yourself!

    Best wishes always!

    Traci xoxo