Emily Jane / EmJay / MJ

    • 3 posts
    February 27, 2015 5:52 PM GMT

    Hi there everyone.

    Just joined this website yesterday so... uhm. Hi, I guess.


    About me:

    I'm Emily Jane or EmJay/MJ for short.
    I'm 24, about 5"11 with blonde hair and blue eyes.

    I'm from York in the UK

    I've recently discovered what has been plagueing me all these years. That I'm a transgender woman and about to start my journey... if I figure out exactly how I'm going to do that.
    I've researched what NEEDS to be done, but as many of you probably know, it's not as simple as just doing. There are people in your life that you need to let know about this. And that's the part that terrifies me. Telling my nearest and dearest.

    I am bisexual and have a girlfriend, 2 children and they don't know about this yet.
    My girlfriend has been told, but I chickened out and revoked it when I felt I was going to lose her over it. I think that was a big mistake, I should have kept the honesty going instead of hiding myself like a scared little kitten.


    I'm looking to meet new people locally who are experiencing or have experienced the struggles of starting to become a woman.
    Any advice or help would be great.

    I'm not great at make-up and don't really get much time or opportunity to try things or even buy products. At the moment this side of me is completely secret from my family. And it's tearing me apart.


    Apart from that, I'm generally quite bubbly, fun-loving and intelligent.
    So please come say hi, offer me your pearls of wisdom. And if you think you fancy meeting up, no matter where you are in your transition I would love that.
    Also anyone who would be nice enough to offer a place of sanctuary that I could come to to try make-up techniques or even hide my ever growing clothing collection (that scarecely fits in the hiding place in my car anymore) I would be forever greatful.

    So come on, say hi. I can't wait to get to know you all. Even if you're not local or even from the UK I would still appreciate your online friendship, support and advice.


    Thanks guys.

    Love Emily

  • February 27, 2015 6:05 PM GMT

    Hi Emily.

    You need to start again with your girlfriend and be totally honest about yourself this time. If you know deep down that you need to even start to change then you are going to have to be honest. Make that your first change before anything else.

    If your girlfriend accepts it then you can work it out together. If your girlfriend cannot accept it then your relationship will fail.

    Good luck.


    Take care x

    • 1195 posts
    February 27, 2015 6:49 PM GMT
    Here's some questions you should consider.
    1. You say you are a "transgender women" check you terminology. 
    2. You say your bi. Does your girlfriend know you're bi?
    3. you say you don't know anything about makeup - that's easy there are tutorials on the web.
    4. Are you a cross-dresser? 
    My suggestion is learn makeup with the help of your girlfriend. If she is willing, she'll help you with dressing.
    That's a good starting point. You don't have to announce this to the world - take it slow until you get your act together.
    You say you have time constraints - think about why.
    My best wishes.
    I left NYC in 1956 
  • February 27, 2015 9:31 PM GMT

    You raise some good points Mary .  So here is my point. Emily says she is about to start her journey , she also says that she chickened out and revoked about herself for fear of losing her girlfriend. I guess she means she tested the water and did not get a very good response.

    Emily cannot start a journey unless she is honest about who she is to her girlfriend. It is unfair and it is deception. If the relationship is to have any chance of success Emily needs to be honest. Emily cannot live two lives when others are involved , well she can but it is unfair and will be very hard to hide.

    Honesty always pays in life and you take your chances of acceptance or rejection because honesty from the start would have prevented this situation. I know it is to late in this case but transgender people do know they are Trans before entering into a relationship. Others should learn from stories like this "Just be honest". Emily is in York UK not New York City! Very far apartSmile. There are an estimated 3 Million transgender people in the UK so maybe Emily should tell her girlfriend that it is not uncommon. That will not cure the situation but facts may just help her girlfriend understand it is common.


    Take care x

    • 2017 posts
    March 5, 2015 2:02 PM GMT

    Welcome to the site Emily. I agree with the above statements regardign being honest with your girlfriend. She has a right to know as no one wants to be deceived by their partner. If she isn't prepared to stand by you then as difficult as it is, it is better to find out now than several years from now. You also have children, that brings with it a whole new set of problems but they are not as bad as you might think. 

    You need to be honest, first and foremost, with your girlfriend and with yourself, and you need to look at your options. What if you are unable to transition for example? Living full time is a huge step and cannot easily be reversed. That's before any surgcal interventions occur. If you are struggling to come out, then it's unlikely you are ready to 'start your journey' just yet. 


    Please don't think I'm being unhelpful, I'm not, I'm being honest and trying to ensure that you have thought this through fully, with all the consequences that it will entail. We're all just trying to protect you as we know how difficult this process can be. 


    It's not an easy choice for anyone, but for some of us, it had to be made.