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My lovely wife, being such a wonderful person, knows what pain I am going through in not being able to transition fully, or even live full time. To be fair, she never signed up for this and I love her to bits and I don’t see my life without her. However, the other day she said, (in tears), that if I needed to go through with it then that was okay, she understood that. But…………we couldn’t be together. This wasn’t blackmail, she was just stating her feelings, she just doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life with another woman, I can understand that. She would, however, continue to offer me as much support as necessary for me to continue as I am.
You see where I am? The crossroads of my life, and I can only go one way! The bottom line is, I love her to bits and cannot bring myself to transition knowing how much it would hurt her and what it would mean for our relationship. It also pains me deeply knowing I am not able to go any further but in balance, I do have a great life and there are no restrictions on me. She knows this is who I am and I need to express my myself. All she asks in return is that the person she married surfaces every now and then, even though she knows him to be fake, she still needs that. So, we are both doing the best we can knowing that each of us has had to make some serious compromises. I don’t think we have a perfect solution but I’m pretty sure we have found one that we can both live with.
Nikki x
