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For the first time in years I actually don't hate myself. Why? I don't deserve these feelings right now.
This has been an incredible weekend. Our block party/sale was yesterday. We made a few bucks off of it. It was a gorgeous day outside and everyone was in a good mood. I got to speak with the Buddhist monk (their "temple" is about three blocks away), made new friends, and really got friendlier with one of our neighbors. My daughter had a great time, and me and my wife were really so happy together. Despite my comments about our problems at times, you also know that I love her. She's supported me for so long while I wallowed in failure.
Yesterday reminded me of a birthday weekend she gave me some years back. It was the same sort of weather, and everyone EVERYONE was in a good mood. To cut to the chase, we participated in the potluck supper. I made chicken wings and my homemade sauce.Two young girls performed some music - one of violin and the other on flute. They were wonderful. Then the rest of us who were musicians got out our axes. Girls, you should have heard me! I had to sing lead vocals on one piece because they were having rhythm problems and my voice kept the song going. Then when all but one person bowed out from playing, this one guy played rhythm guitar and sang while I played lead guitar and solos for a long time. I haven't felt like that in ages. One of my neighbors treated me to some of his scotch. Years ago I would have never guessed we'd be friends like that.
Today we're going to Chinatown for the Moon festival. Tomorrow, though, my wife is going out of town for about a day and a half for a business meeting. She works in Child Support and this meeting is about healthy marriages. I'm going to miss her terribly for those 48 hours. I just want her to know how much I support her.
I'm also happy because I spoke to Maria yesterday for the second time. She's been going around saying how I'm her "best friend" and the sister she never had. I just wanted her to know how much I felt the same.
This is just a brief summary of this weekend. So today I'm smiling. I'm still waiting for disaster. But today I feel good and actually like myself.
