Meredith Newton 's Entries

• 13 Nov 2005
  No clever song lyrics today

  Hi all. Well, it looks like it's definitely over.  I was at my house yesterday for the birthday party.  First she asked me upstairs to help with some decorations, and we exchanged a nice little conversation about books, work, etc.  I felt no anger emanating from her.  But the party was difficult.  I almost broke into tears twice because I missed all that so much.  I really haven't eaten in two days.  I can tell she's struggling there.  I should be there to help. My daughter was gorgeous, as usual.  She loved my gifts, especially the "That's So Raven" DVD I bought her.  Hell, I wanted it!  My future wife Anneliese Van der pol is on that show, if you don't already know.  She can ravage me, really, I don't mind. I did get free reign around the house and managed to get some clothes out of the basement.  Today is the first day in almost 3 months I was able to really dress up, without wig and makeup, though.  My friend will be home from church soon, and his kids are home (although sleeping), so I still need to be careful But before we left I did have a chat with her.  I told her how I was feeling, and what we might discuss in counseling.  She pretty much told me she didn't want reconciliation (at least now), and - I was right! - was waiting until after the holidays to tell me.  I asked her why wanted me to languish for another two months like that.  She didn't want me to have a relapse (with booze) or go on some rampage (not going to happen).  She has not dated anyone, nor does she want to.  In an e-mail this morning she told me to go ahead and date.  I don't want to, although some of the girls at work are pretty darn cute and like me.  Especially this 19 year old half-Korean girl.  Uh oh. I haven't cried about this yet because it still hasn't really hit me hard.  I'm still holding out some hope for when we go to counseling.  But I'm not stupid either.  Maybe it's because we haven't been together for a while now that I've become accustomed to her not being around.  If anything we agreed to be good parents. So who knows now what will happen.  But FINALLY I have a handle on the situation, which is what I've been wanting for a long time now. The other day I had to get out for a while.  I went downtown to window shop.  Victoria's Secret didn't have what I wanted!  While walking down Michigan Avenue I did start to cry a little.  Not out of sadness, but I remembered all the ways you girls have helped me.  I will still never forget times when I was so distraught I wanted someone to call me, and, sure enough, Anna-Marie or Tressa suddenly phoned.  I don't know how many times I've cried on the phone to them.  I have tears now thinking of all the love you girls have given me.  I don't care how many lifetimes it takes, I'm going to repay you all.

  1696 Posted by Meredith Newton
• By Meredith Newton

  No clever song lyrics today

  Hi all. Well, it looks like it's definitely over.  I was at my house yesterday for the birthday party.  First she asked me upstairs to help with some decorations, and we exchanged a nice little conversation about books, work, etc.  I felt no anger emanating from her.  But the party was difficult.  I almost broke into tears twice because I missed all that so much.  I really haven't eaten in two days.  I can tell she's struggling there.  I should be there to help. My daughter was gorgeous, as usual.  She loved my gifts, especially the "That's So Raven" DVD I bought her.  Hell, I wanted it!  My future wife Anneliese Van der pol is on that show, if you don't already know.  She can ravage me, really, I don't mind. I did get free reign around the house and managed to get some clothes out of the basement.  Today is the first day in almost 3 months I was able to really dress up, without wig and makeup, though.  My friend will be home from church soon, and his kids are home (although sleeping), so I still need to be careful But before we left I did have a chat with her.  I told her how I was feeling, and what we might discuss in counseling.  She pretty much told me she didn't want reconciliation (at least now), and - I was right! - was waiting until after the holidays to tell me.  I asked her why wanted me to languish for another two months like that.  She didn't want me to have a relapse (with booze) or go on some rampage (not going to happen).  She has not dated anyone, nor does she want to.  In an e-mail this morning she told me to go ahead and date.  I don't want to, although some of the girls at work are pretty darn cute and like me.  Especially this 19 year old half-Korean girl.  Uh oh. I haven't cried about this yet because it still hasn't really hit me hard.  I'm still holding out some hope for when we go to counseling.  But I'm not stupid either.  Maybe it's because we haven't been together for a while now that I've become accustomed to her not being around.  If anything we agreed to be good parents. So who knows now what will happen.  But FINALLY I have a handle on the situation, which is what I've been wanting for a long time now. The other day I had to get out for a while.  I went downtown to window shop.  Victoria's Secret didn't have what I wanted!  While walking down Michigan Avenue I did start to cry a little.  Not out of sadness, but I remembered all the ways you girls have helped me.  I will still never forget times when I was so distraught I wanted someone to call me, and, sure enough, Anna-Marie or Tressa suddenly phoned.  I don't know how many times I've cried on the phone to them.  I have tears now thinking of all the love you girls have given me.  I don't care how many lifetimes it takes, I'm going to repay you all.

  Nov 13, 2005 1696
• 17 Oct 2005
  I'm so up and down, and I love what's not allowed

  Yes, I've used that tag line before...... I had to get out for a day.  On Saturday I went to my folks' house and stayed for the night.  The thing is, I felt like I had to get permission from my friend to do it, especially since he and my wife think my living there is a bad idea.  My folks didn't like their thinking that, especially my dad.  He made it clear to me to stand up to them and make my own decisions.  He said it was obvious that I was being beaten down.  I mentioned this before - a few weeks back my folks needed me to stay there alone to watch the house while they were away.  My friend and wife were dead against it, and my wife even threatened divorce if I did it. They felt I would relapse (thanks for the trust!).  My folks essentially told me what I've already been thinking, and saying, and that is they can make all the threats they like, but I am my own person.  I agree, and I have been very assertive.  I still get tired of lectures, especially about my problems in finding a job.  I told my friend I'd like to see him get something right now, and that my wife has been trying to get a new job for years and has been unsuccessful.  I am getting tired of it all.  If something doesn't change soon I will have to make some major decisions. Consequences are going to have to happen.  I need to decide my own.  I am definitely feeling my old strength coming back. My folks were watching this little white yapping dog from next door.  The thing barked at me constantly.  My mom said she really doesn't like men, to which I replied "I could change that."  She laughed. I didn't get to see my daughter Saturday because she had a birthday party to go to, and that was fine with me.  I don't want to interfere with her social life.  I wound up leaving the dungeon for my folks' anyway.  It was nice to be away and have some peace and quiet. So I'm out pounding the pavement again today.  I'm deliberately staying out later than usual because I do not want to meet with those Mormon dudes again (no offense to any Mormons out there). They're nice, but I don't want to be a Mormon.  I'm screwed up enough as it is to have to join a made-up religion.  Although, as I've said before, I got a certain pleasure out of telling them I thought I might be TS! On the plus side I've been getting more calls for interviews, I should have the Jazz Era book contract this week, and I start seeing a new shrink on Friday, which means eventual dialog with my wife.  Yet there is one thing missing from my life, and you all know what that is. I have no freedom to fully be Meredith. Keep your fingers crossed for me.  Let's hope this is a good week. Mere

  2843 Posted by Meredith Newton
• By Meredith Newton

  I'm so up and down, and I love what's not allowed

  Yes, I've used that tag line before...... I had to get out for a day.  On Saturday I went to my folks' house and stayed for the night.  The thing is, I felt like I had to get permission from my friend to do it, especially since he and my wife think my living there is a bad idea.  My folks didn't like their thinking that, especially my dad.  He made it clear to me to stand up to them and make my own decisions.  He said it was obvious that I was being beaten down.  I mentioned this before - a few weeks back my folks needed me to stay there alone to watch the house while they were away.  My friend and wife were dead against it, and my wife even threatened divorce if I did it. They felt I would relapse (thanks for the trust!).  My folks essentially told me what I've already been thinking, and saying, and that is they can make all the threats they like, but I am my own person.  I agree, and I have been very assertive.  I still get tired of lectures, especially about my problems in finding a job.  I told my friend I'd like to see him get something right now, and that my wife has been trying to get a new job for years and has been unsuccessful.  I am getting tired of it all.  If something doesn't change soon I will have to make some major decisions. Consequences are going to have to happen.  I need to decide my own.  I am definitely feeling my old strength coming back. My folks were watching this little white yapping dog from next door.  The thing barked at me constantly.  My mom said she really doesn't like men, to which I replied "I could change that."  She laughed. I didn't get to see my daughter Saturday because she had a birthday party to go to, and that was fine with me.  I don't want to interfere with her social life.  I wound up leaving the dungeon for my folks' anyway.  It was nice to be away and have some peace and quiet. So I'm out pounding the pavement again today.  I'm deliberately staying out later than usual because I do not want to meet with those Mormon dudes again (no offense to any Mormons out there). They're nice, but I don't want to be a Mormon.  I'm screwed up enough as it is to have to join a made-up religion.  Although, as I've said before, I got a certain pleasure out of telling them I thought I might be TS! On the plus side I've been getting more calls for interviews, I should have the Jazz Era book contract this week, and I start seeing a new shrink on Friday, which means eventual dialog with my wife.  Yet there is one thing missing from my life, and you all know what that is. I have no freedom to fully be Meredith. Keep your fingers crossed for me.  Let's hope this is a good week. Mere

  Oct 17, 2005 2843
• 03 May 2005
  A plea, then a funny story (maybe)

  Girls, we have some sisters here who really need our love and support. Clair, Lucy, Karen, and so many others (including me) have more crap on our plates than is necessary. While the differences in the problems are many, let's do all we can to let them know we care and we're right beside them all the way. Read their blogs, forum posts, etc., and show our support. Girls, I love you so much, so please count on me. I'm there for you, as you have been for me. Finances have reached a crucial point. But relief may be on the way. I've had so many problems sleeping. But it there might be a solution in less than 48 hours. Okay, Meredith the Psycho Ninja strikes again. We finally got a decent trash disposal put in our sink. Our handyman had one and did it for next to nothing, which really doesn't help him because he isn't much better off.  I usually forget it's there, but when I remember I always manage to....well....you're really not supposed to put bread or anything with yeast down there.  I did. When it later clogged, I put down Draino to unclog the drain. That pretty much turned it all into cement which caused it to back up. Marty came by to see what was wrong with the pipes and showed me.  Ooops. But now I know how to fix it. I'm still hearing about it! Of course, it wasn't quite as interesting as last week. Lights in the downstairs hallway blew out. I replaced them but nothing turned on. I was convinced it was a short in the system until it finally sunk into my addled brain that I was flicking the wrong switch.

  1960 Posted by Meredith Newton
• By Meredith Newton

  A plea, then a funny story (maybe)

  Girls, we have some sisters here who really need our love and support. Clair, Lucy, Karen, and so many others (including me) have more crap on our plates than is necessary. While the differences in the problems are many, let's do all we can to let them know we care and we're right beside them all the way. Read their blogs, forum posts, etc., and show our support. Girls, I love you so much, so please count on me. I'm there for you, as you have been for me. Finances have reached a crucial point. But relief may be on the way. I've had so many problems sleeping. But it there might be a solution in less than 48 hours. Okay, Meredith the Psycho Ninja strikes again. We finally got a decent trash disposal put in our sink. Our handyman had one and did it for next to nothing, which really doesn't help him because he isn't much better off.  I usually forget it's there, but when I remember I always manage to....well....you're really not supposed to put bread or anything with yeast down there.  I did. When it later clogged, I put down Draino to unclog the drain. That pretty much turned it all into cement which caused it to back up. Marty came by to see what was wrong with the pipes and showed me.  Ooops. But now I know how to fix it. I'm still hearing about it! Of course, it wasn't quite as interesting as last week. Lights in the downstairs hallway blew out. I replaced them but nothing turned on. I was convinced it was a short in the system until it finally sunk into my addled brain that I was flicking the wrong switch.

  May 03, 2005 1960
• 17 Jul 2010
  Still here!

  I know I don't blog as much as I used to.  It's hard to do that working two full time gigs.Dad is doing fine.  Thanks for your well wishes.Josie is doing fine.  Thanks for your well wishes.More later!I hope you're doing fine.  Thank yourself for well wishes.

  2213 Posted by Meredith Newton
• By Meredith Newton

  Still here!

  I know I don't blog as much as I used to.  It's hard to do that working two full time gigs.Dad is doing fine.  Thanks for your well wishes.Josie is doing fine.  Thanks for your well wishes.More later!I hope you're doing fine.  Thank yourself for well wishes.

  Jul 17, 2010 2213
• 03 May 2010
  Backi for now!

  I hardly blog anymore!  I don't have the time!Karen Brad is writing enough about her trip here.  Because of her trip I am doing some serious thinking about maybe going back to the boats this summer (if I can!).  It was great being able to talk about Chicago history and architecture like that.Josie will be here next week.  8 days away!  I cannot wait.  For the first time I will be able to really give her a Chicago tour, like I did for Karen.  We just never had the time before.Things have gone south with the museum.  I need to get out of there.  I can't believe a place I loved so much became so bad.  I cannot tolerate how they treat me, especially after all I have done for them.On the plus side, I am going to be publishing another book this year, my school is trying to get me on fulltime, and I have another conference to attend.  But the one big thing is that I am pretty much fully out.  And that is a relief.

  2117 Posted by Meredith Newton
• By Meredith Newton

  Backi for now!

  I hardly blog anymore!  I don't have the time!Karen Brad is writing enough about her trip here.  Because of her trip I am doing some serious thinking about maybe going back to the boats this summer (if I can!).  It was great being able to talk about Chicago history and architecture like that.Josie will be here next week.  8 days away!  I cannot wait.  For the first time I will be able to really give her a Chicago tour, like I did for Karen.  We just never had the time before.Things have gone south with the museum.  I need to get out of there.  I can't believe a place I loved so much became so bad.  I cannot tolerate how they treat me, especially after all I have done for them.On the plus side, I am going to be publishing another book this year, my school is trying to get me on fulltime, and I have another conference to attend.  But the one big thing is that I am pretty much fully out.  And that is a relief.

  May 03, 2010 2117
• 23 Feb 2010
  A very quick update!

  I still don't have my internet access at home sorted out yet!  Anyhow, here are some quickies (so to speak):I am pretty much fully out at work.  In academia I am almost there.  I am waiting on some word concerning a possible full-time teaching job, so until that happens, and I might need to get a new doctor due to insurance reasons, HRT is once again put on hold.  Still, I am out and free.Me and Josie had a great time in New Mexico.AND - a major academic publisher in New York wants to offer me a 2-book contract!  The first will be published later this year.Okay, gotta run to class now.  More later.

  2158 Posted by Meredith Newton
• By Meredith Newton

  A very quick update!

  I still don't have my internet access at home sorted out yet!  Anyhow, here are some quickies (so to speak):I am pretty much fully out at work.  In academia I am almost there.  I am waiting on some word concerning a possible full-time teaching job, so until that happens, and I might need to get a new doctor due to insurance reasons, HRT is once again put on hold.  Still, I am out and free.Me and Josie had a great time in New Mexico.AND - a major academic publisher in New York wants to offer me a 2-book contract!  The first will be published later this year.Okay, gotta run to class now.  More later.

  Feb 23, 2010 2158
• 11 Dec 2009
  Another quick update

  I finally made it out to Denver last weekend to visit Josie.  We hadn't seen each other in months.  Once again, it was a wonderful weekend.  We did our Thanksgiving celebration on Friday.  I made Cornish hens with a sausage and fruit dressing.  We spent some time on her college campus, sipped a margarita at a corner cafe, I went to work with her on Sunday, and we....uh, never mind......!I have been coming out more and more to people at work.  I am on the verge of standing up at the morning meeting and making it official to everyone.  Rumors have been going on about me anyhow. I might possibly be looking into sharing an apartment with a coworker.  She knows about me and is cool with it.  As she said "You can do your thing and I can do mine."  Naturally, it would be platonic, and Josie gave her blessing.  We shall see.

  2005 Posted by Meredith Newton
• By Meredith Newton

  Another quick update

  I finally made it out to Denver last weekend to visit Josie.  We hadn't seen each other in months.  Once again, it was a wonderful weekend.  We did our Thanksgiving celebration on Friday.  I made Cornish hens with a sausage and fruit dressing.  We spent some time on her college campus, sipped a margarita at a corner cafe, I went to work with her on Sunday, and we....uh, never mind......!I have been coming out more and more to people at work.  I am on the verge of standing up at the morning meeting and making it official to everyone.  Rumors have been going on about me anyhow. I might possibly be looking into sharing an apartment with a coworker.  She knows about me and is cool with it.  As she said "You can do your thing and I can do mine."  Naturally, it would be platonic, and Josie gave her blessing.  We shall see.

  Dec 11, 2009 2005
• 16 Oct 2009
  Putting it all together

  Here's some brief updates -Been in my new place for a month.  It's been working out fine, even though I have to get used to having a roommate again.  It's nice to be able to park right in front of where I live rather than blocks away.I go to Detroit next week to chair a panel at THE premier labor history conference.  My school is paying for it through their Faculty Development Fund.  Plus, I'll get to hang out with Karen Brad, something we haven't done in almost four years.I finally received copies of my book.  Look for an announcement about that soon.Me and Josie are doing just fine.  She really helped me out when I needed it.Getting new book proposals out there.  I hope to sign some contracts soon.I still don't have internet at my new place, so I get here when I can.The ex-wfe is being a bitch again.Mere

  2234 Posted by Meredith Newton
• By Meredith Newton

  Putting it all together

  Here's some brief updates -Been in my new place for a month.  It's been working out fine, even though I have to get used to having a roommate again.  It's nice to be able to park right in front of where I live rather than blocks away.I go to Detroit next week to chair a panel at THE premier labor history conference.  My school is paying for it through their Faculty Development Fund.  Plus, I'll get to hang out with Karen Brad, something we haven't done in almost four years.I finally received copies of my book.  Look for an announcement about that soon.Me and Josie are doing just fine.  She really helped me out when I needed it.Getting new book proposals out there.  I hope to sign some contracts soon.I still don't have internet at my new place, so I get here when I can.The ex-wfe is being a bitch again.Mere

  Oct 16, 2009 2234
• 25 Sep 2009
  Hi

  Lots going on....New place.Got a grant to attend a conference next month.Josie is doing great.No internet at home yet.Back later!

  2003 Posted by Meredith Newton
• By Meredith Newton

  Hi

  Lots going on....New place.Got a grant to attend a conference next month.Josie is doing great.No internet at home yet.Back later!

  Sep 25, 2009 2003
• 18 Aug 2009
  Quick update

  I am still without a computer at home.  Had a minor heartbreak when it came to an academic job.  BUT - my book is now out!!!!!!! Josie is fine.  I hope to see her soon.Yes, I hurt my hamstrings playing quidditch.  Some people never learn.Mere

  1978 Posted by Meredith Newton
• By Meredith Newton

  Quick update

  I am still without a computer at home.  Had a minor heartbreak when it came to an academic job.  BUT - my book is now out!!!!!!! Josie is fine.  I hope to see her soon.Yes, I hurt my hamstrings playing quidditch.  Some people never learn.Mere

  Aug 18, 2009 1978