I spoke to Tressa and Maria today. I tried to call Mariette.
Tonight was horrible. And this is not a cry for help. If I could right now, I would leave this world forever. I don't want help. I just want out. No more. I'm tougher than anyone, but I just want out. I am tough. I want out. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be embarrassed. I'm wide awake and fully sober.