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To my dear sweet friends,
It is with the heaviest of hearts that I must leave Trannyweb.
The last 11 days have been a living hell for me. I was put out of the house, and then committed to a hospital where I stayed for 9 days. I just got out yesterday and still have to go back for outpatient treatment. They also want to do a psychological test on me. They ran a battery of tests on me because at one point they thought I might have a heart abnormality. Everything came back just fine. Physically I'm fine. Emotionally I'm devastated.
Life at home went from bad to worse. Just before I got put out we actually had a very nice weekend. It looks like I will be able to return, but not for almost another two weeks. This has been hell on everyone, especially my daughter, who cries every day because her daddy isn't there. I can't have any contact with them for the moment. And - NO - there was no violence involved, so don't get the idea I hit anyone because I didn't. My wife told me some days before that I would have to find someplace to stay for a few weeks to straighten out my head (in very many ways). Then she found a way to make sure I got out. She said to my family she wants the man back whom she married. I'm trying to work my way back. Right now I'm with my parents and will then move over to a friend's house until I return home.
As for my hospital stay, they sent me to detox. While I was not a heavy drinker in any sense of the word, they still put me there to make sure I'd be okay. Even the other patients there wondered why I was put in. Yet I was sent there. I'm ashamed to say this. I don't know how many times I cried, and am still crying. Yet, I met some of the greatest people in my life. I even came out to many of them as being TG. They were totally supportive.
I have to say goodbye to Meredith as well. When I get home in less than two weeks, God willing, everything will be thrown out. She's already thrown out some of my clothes. I will do the rest myself. I know, it's not fair to me, yet, this is something I must do. She almost changed our phone number because she doesn't want anyone from TW calling there anymore for any reason.
Finances are terrible, and I'm doing my best to get a job. I just might actually be lucky with one within the next few days, but I have to face someone first.
I am in such pain right now. I have no choice but to leave in order to show her I want life to get back to normal. I miss them so much. Here's the kicker - I've been smoking a bit lately. Not a lot. Still, the stress relief is incredible. But I will stop after this pack.
You can still contact me through my hotmail address of [email protected]. But other than that, I must try to put as much back together as I can.
Never forget for one moment how much I love all of you, and will miss you dearly. You will always be in my hear.
Maybe some day I can return, but for now, goodbye my friends. My family.
Meredith
