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Hi all
Times are still bad, but maybe there's some ray of hope in there.
Last Wednesday was horrible. One interview turned out to be a bust, and then this one school that promised me a class gave it to someone else. Then I got the message that my wife wants to sell the house, unless some money comes in quick. A triple whammy. I was forced to go out that night to some dinner honoring the heroes of 9/11. I was catatonic all evening.
Depsite the setback, the job search has not only intensified, but I have four interviews within the next five business days. One is actually with a subsidiary of this holding company I used to work for. Well, I worked for one of their other subsidiaries, is what I mean to say. I've got one interview in about an hour, and I'm anxious to get it started. It's in the Sears Tower, which until a few years ago was the world's tallest building. I might have more interviews coming in as I was at a job fair yesterday. One company was particularly interested in my writing skills.
Last Thursday was my birthday (Thank you, Anna-Marie! I miss speaking to you!). It was the loneliest one I ever had. Sure, my friend had a cake for me, along with his family, but, still, for the first time I wasn't at home with my own. I did get to speak to my daughter that evening. I first had to do a class - the last session. Let me tell you - I am so glad to be rid of them.
I still can't return home. But the door to working things out is open. As long as I stay where I'm at for now, get that full-time job and continue with my counselling she said she's willing for us to start going together for sessions. She wants to make sure I've got my head cleared first. She never mentioned legal separation or divorce, so I'm hoping we're back together soon. The one good thing is I get to start seeing my daughter again. I'll have some good quality time with her later this week. After all this stuff went down on Monday (not mentioned here) she called my friend that night to see how I was doing. She cares about me. If she didn't she wouldn't have called. She just wants the person she married back again. I'm trying.
Staying with my friend is not easy. He has three kids (he's about to be divorced), the house is a wreck, and I rarely have any privacy. Plus, he climbs on my case about a lot of things that he shouldn't. At other times he's a good counselor. I don't like it there. But my wife wants me there while things straighten out. Also, he's the intermediary between us as I am not supposed to have contact with her. My mom wanted me to stay at her house for a few days while she and my dad where away. My wife actually gave an ultimatum against my going. They're afraid I was going to relapse. I wasn't - I just wanted the peace and quiet away from my friend and his family, and to have a car to use. I feel so trapped, and I'm so lonely for home. I miss my family so much. I cry at least once a day. And smoke a lot of cigarettes. Now that's something for someone with asthma to do.
LET ME MAKE SOMETHING CLEAR: When I said I was in the hospital for detox, and that others wondered why I was there, don't get the impression that I was denying any problems. I should have gone there much earlier. What I meant to say was that while I needed to work that out, I was pointed out as the one person with the least amount of problems. That's nothing to get a medal for.
So I'll check in from time to time. I can't do it from where I'm staying because he monitors virtually everything I do. I'm getting very resentful of that.
I love you all
Mere
P.S. Fay, if I said I had an incredibly steamy hot dream about you the other night, would you get mad?
