|
|
|
Notifications
|
|
|
|
Yes, I've used that tag line before......
I had to get out for a day. On Saturday I went to my folks' house and stayed for the night. The thing is, I felt like I had to get permission from my friend to do it, especially since he and my wife think my living there is a bad idea. My folks didn't like their thinking that, especially my dad. He made it clear to me to stand up to them and make my own decisions. He said it was obvious that I was being beaten down. I mentioned this before - a few weeks back my folks needed me to stay there alone to watch the house while they were away. My friend and wife were dead against it, and my wife even threatened divorce if I did it. They felt I would relapse (thanks for the trust!). My folks essentially told me what I've already been thinking, and saying, and that is they can make all the threats they like, but I am my own person. I agree, and I have been very assertive. I still get tired of lectures, especially about my problems in finding a job. I told my friend I'd like to see him get something right now, and that my wife has been trying to get a new job for years and has been unsuccessful. I am getting tired of it all. If something doesn't change soon I will have to make some major decisions. Consequences are going to have to happen. I need to decide my own. I am definitely feeling my old strength coming back.
My folks were watching this little white yapping dog from next door. The thing barked at me constantly. My mom said she really doesn't like men, to which I replied "I could change that." She laughed.
I didn't get to see my daughter Saturday because she had a birthday party to go to, and that was fine with me. I don't want to interfere with her social life. I wound up leaving the dungeon for my folks' anyway. It was nice to be away and have some peace and quiet.
So I'm out pounding the pavement again today. I'm deliberately staying out later than usual because I do not want to meet with those Mormon dudes again (no offense to any Mormons out there). They're nice, but I don't want to be a Mormon. I'm screwed up enough as it is to have to join a made-up religion. Although, as I've said before, I got a certain pleasure out of telling them I thought I might be TS!
On the plus side I've been getting more calls for interviews, I should have the Jazz Era book contract this week, and I start seeing a new shrink on Friday, which means eventual dialog with my wife. Yet there is one thing missing from my life, and you all know what that is. I have no freedom to fully be Meredith.
Keep your fingers crossed for me. Let's hope this is a good week.
Mere
