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  • 17 Oct 2005
    Yes, I've used that tag line before...... I had to get out for a day.  On Saturday I went to my folks' house and stayed for the night.  The thing is, I felt like I had to get permission from my friend to do it, especially since he and my wife think my living there is a bad idea.  My folks didn't like their thinking that, especially my dad.  He made it clear to me to stand up to them and make my own decisions.  He said it was obvious that I was being beaten down.  I mentioned this before - a few weeks back my folks needed me to stay there alone to watch the house while they were away.  My friend and wife were dead against it, and my wife even threatened divorce if I did it. They felt I would relapse (thanks for the trust!).  My folks essentially told me what I've already been thinking, and saying, and that is they can make all the threats they like, but I am my own person.  I agree, and I have been very assertive.  I still get tired of lectures, especially about my problems in finding a job.  I told my friend I'd like to see him get something right now, and that my wife has been trying to get a new job for years and has been unsuccessful.  I am getting tired of it all.  If something doesn't change soon I will have to make some major decisions. Consequences are going to have to happen.  I need to decide my own.  I am definitely feeling my old strength coming back. My folks were watching this little white yapping dog from next door.  The thing barked at me constantly.  My mom said she really doesn't like men, to which I replied "I could change that."  She laughed. I didn't get to see my daughter Saturday because she had a birthday party to go to, and that was fine with me.  I don't want to interfere with her social life.  I wound up leaving the dungeon for my folks' anyway.  It was nice to be away and have some peace and quiet. So I'm out pounding the pavement again today.  I'm deliberately staying out later than usual because I do not want to meet with those Mormon dudes again (no offense to any Mormons out there). They're nice, but I don't want to be a Mormon.  I'm screwed up enough as it is to have to join a made-up religion.  Although, as I've said before, I got a certain pleasure out of telling them I thought I might be TS! On the plus side I've been getting more calls for interviews, I should have the Jazz Era book contract this week, and I start seeing a new shrink on Friday, which means eventual dialog with my wife.  Yet there is one thing missing from my life, and you all know what that is. I have no freedom to fully be Meredith. Keep your fingers crossed for me.  Let's hope this is a good week. Mere
    2044 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • 17 Jul 2010
    I know I don't blog as much as I used to.  It's hard to do that working two full time gigs.Dad is doing fine.  Thanks for your well wishes.Josie is doing fine.  Thanks for your well wishes.More later!I hope you're doing fine.  Thank yourself for well wishes.
    1829 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • 16 Oct 2009
    Here's some brief updates -Been in my new place for a month.  It's been working out fine, even though I have to get used to having a roommate again.  It's nice to be able to park right in front of where I live rather than blocks away.I go to Detroit next week to chair a panel at THE premier labor history conference.  My school is paying for it through their Faculty Development Fund.  Plus, I'll get to hang out with Karen Brad, something we haven't done in almost four years.I finally received copies of my book.  Look for an announcement about that soon.Me and Josie are doing just fine.  She really helped me out when I needed it.Getting new book proposals out there.  I hope to sign some contracts soon.I still don't have internet at my new place, so I get here when I can.The ex-wfe is being a bitch again.Mere
    1811 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • 23 Feb 2010
    I still don't have my internet access at home sorted out yet!  Anyhow, here are some quickies (so to speak):I am pretty much fully out at work.  In academia I am almost there.  I am waiting on some word concerning a possible full-time teaching job, so until that happens, and I might need to get a new doctor due to insurance reasons, HRT is once again put on hold.  Still, I am out and free.Me and Josie had a great time in New Mexico.AND - a major academic publisher in New York wants to offer me a 2-book contract!  The first will be published later this year.Okay, gotta run to class now.  More later.
    1782 Posted by Meredith Newton
Society Girl's Personal Blogs 1,282 views Nov 13, 2005
No clever song lyrics today

Hi all.

Well, it looks like it's definitely over.  I was at my house yesterday for the birthday party.  First she asked me upstairs to help with some decorations, and we exchanged a nice little conversation about books, work, etc.  I felt no anger emanating from her.  But the party was difficult.  I almost broke into tears twice because I missed all that so much.  I really haven't eaten in two days.  I can tell she's struggling there.  I should be there to help.

My daughter was gorgeous, as usual.  She loved my gifts, especially the "That's So Raven" DVD I bought her.  Hell, I wanted it!  My future wife Anneliese Van der pol is on that show, if you don't already know.  She can ravage me, really, I don't mind.

I did get free reign around the house and managed to get some clothes out of the basement.  Today is the first day in almost 3 months I was able to really dress up, without wig and makeup, though.  My friend will be home from church soon, and his kids are home (although sleeping), so I still need to be careful

But before we left I did have a chat with her.  I told her how I was feeling, and what we might discuss in counseling.  She pretty much told me she didn't want reconciliation (at least now), and - I was right! - was waiting until after the holidays to tell me.  I asked her why wanted me to languish for another two months like that.  She didn't want me to have a relapse (with booze) or go on some rampage (not going to happen).  She has not dated anyone, nor does she want to.  In an e-mail this morning she told me to go ahead and date.  I don't want to, although some of the girls at work are pretty darn cute and like me.  Especially this 19 year old half-Korean girl.  Uh oh.

I haven't cried about this yet because it still hasn't really hit me hard.  I'm still holding out some hope for when we go to counseling.  But I'm not stupid either.  Maybe it's because we haven't been together for a while now that I've become accustomed to her not being around.  If anything we agreed to be good parents.

So who knows now what will happen.  But FINALLY I have a handle on the situation, which is what I've been wanting for a long time now.

The other day I had to get out for a while.  I went downtown to window shop.  Victoria's Secret didn't have what I wanted!  While walking down Michigan Avenue I did start to cry a little.  Not out of sadness, but I remembered all the ways you girls have helped me.  I will still never forget times when I was so distraught I wanted someone to call me, and, sure enough, Anna-Marie or Tressa suddenly phoned.  I don't know how many times I've cried on the phone to them.  I have tears now thinking of all the love you girls have given me.  I don't care how many lifetimes it takes, I'm going to repay you all.