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The past few nights as I laid in bed I would have a memory of a specific moment when I used drugs. The details will all come back. The people that were there, what was said, & what I was feeling at the time. If it would stop there I'd be fine. But my thoughts allways shift to the people I hurt. My family & friends. The more I loved someome the more I used & hurt them. I ask myself how could I have done that. It makes me hurt so much inside. This has been happening for 7yrs. Some have forgiven me some haven't. I just can't forgive myself. I don't think I ever will. I won't ever be like that again. I just can't do it. I think about who I am & who I was. Who I was sucked. I was nobody, less than that evan. Just to be me again wasn't easy. Nothing on earth will make me go back to that. This little bit took an hour to say & I feel better. If nobody reads this thats OK, thats not what it's for. I had to get it out. But if you do read this thanks for your time.
With a lighter heart, Karen
