Memo From Work

• Posted by Karen Brad March 14, 2009 Filed in Society Girl's Personal Blogs 1,098 views
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  Dear Employees,
  Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of
  economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of
  40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known
  as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
  
  Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for
  the SHAFT scheme (Special Help after Forced Termination). Persons who
  have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme
  (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once,
  SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
  
  Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for
  Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel
  Early Severance).
  Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or
  SCREWED any further by Management.
  
  Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT
  (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always
  prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel
  that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of
  your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can
  handle.
  
  Sincerely,
  
  The Management.