While shaving this morning I was hit with the fact that no matter what I will at best look like a man. Maybe a feminine looking man but a man all the same.

So do I stop or continue on with this. If I wasn't 50yrs old I would never stop.

My doctor started me on some very low dose hormones in January to see how it would react with my liver. So far so good, there's no growth, but evan he's suprised at how tender my nipples have gotten. I started wearing band-aids over them at work to keep anything from rubbing on them. He thinks my breast will develop nicely.

But I don't think I'm ready to start growing breast. I'm not realy out yet or realy ready for it. There's a lot of prep for this. Getting rid of the hair for one thing. I have a hairy body & the thought of big hairy boobs just makes me want to cry.

The whole thing makes me want to cry. Will I ever know what I want or whats best to do? Well I do know what I want & that's to live my life as a woman in the public eye without problem.

But that brings me back to can I?