non confessional booth ,confession

• Posted by michelle/mitchell self May 18, 2013 Filed in Society Girl's Personal Blogs 1,147 views
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  Well it seems that for me that 2012-13 has been the year of reckoning for me.
  I finally gave the denial processi been hiding behind for 44 years.a heave  hoe
  
  my life at a start :
  When i was little say elementry school exspecially in recess i found ihad no interest in what the males were doing
  but i found myself gravitating toward where the girls were playing.
  there they were playng games like hopsotch  or jumping rope.
  
  but at home
   
  i use look out my bedroom window and spy on the girl next door . Out in her back yard she had a play house .\
  Whereshe was pretending to serve tea to her dolls .
  Everyday that i watched her.
  
  i notice that she would ware some pretty dresses and ribbons in her hair
   than i would look at my self dresses and i would have on the same old drab cloths .  
  
  later in what we in the states call jr high school
  .
  i was noticing that most of the girls were delevoping bump on their chest
  My dad called them boobs when i asked him one day.
  what i did noticed be side of their  biological changes .
    That i was getting enyious of the girls and how they were being treated by other students
  i notice the girls with the biggest boobs were geting the most attention.
  For i as a male was getting no attention from any body male or female.
   that i was differant
  
   In high school i noticed a big change in me .
  
  For some reason i started to be attracted  to some of the boys in school. 
  this threw me for a loop. For i thought i was gay buy what i heard was the standards in the 70s.
  but  i was still had the attraction to the girls and want to be around them.
  Deep inside i was feeling i want to be one  of them(the girls) for some reason.
  Later i decided that to  deal with this  see /saw of gender  feelings  ,
   So i started crossdressing using my moms cloths.
   Doingthis for many years brought me to feel shame . So my denial of my trues feeling was activated.
  
  so Iactivated a series of denial by pruging.  By hiding  my feelings and the closetedcross dressing on and of for 44 years.
   , till the feeling s got so great that The femalenes inside me was leaking out of me as i talked acted upon stuff and
  i couldnt  stand no more and i seeked medical help. there through aseries of interviewsand self inner examination  and with her help .
  i had decide to go with the flow of my gender feelings .
  Eventhough they  conflict with my male gender feeling at the moment
  so as of this writing i have recieved my letter for hormon treatment from my therapist and start taking the mone.
  i hope this helps me out and settles my inside and my soul.