oh dear!!!

• Posted by Stephie Hughes February 12, 2014 1,073 views
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  i met up with a good friend on sunday, spent the day in bude. was an amzing day, didnt go the whole hog as shes never met total steph, but im kinda tryin to ease her in gently. shes seen me with a bit of make up and casual clothes, (jeans, top but no wig, and not trying to "pass") but only in my flat. i asked her what she felt comfortable with and she told me it was totally up to me, and that she needed to adapt. not wanting to over do it, i shaved as close as i could, put on a little make up and went out hybrid. she didnt seam phased at all, until we were walking into the pub. she asked what should she do if people looked, and i told her that they WILL look, after all, its not every day you see a bloke looking prettier than most of the women in the bar haha. this broke the tension. i am totally at ease, and it defo helped her. she even told me she enjoyed it, and felt proud. no one was laughing at us, or her, and no one was taking the micky or being nasty, it was just curiosity. in all, a really amazing day, laughed so much, my sides were hurting, specially when we both go blown over by a big gust of wind, we just rolled around in hysterics!!

   

  im going to move forward to today. something happened today that totally made me open my eyes and think.

   

  at work we are getting the phone lines sorted out. one of the engineers is TG. he, and hes defo still a he in the way he moves, talks, looks, and his clothes, but, hes got breasts, and wears make up.

   

  it was really hurtful to hear how every one i work with was ridiculing him, some of the things they were saying, was awful. i tryed so hard to explain, and to stick up for him, with out telling them i am as well, tho a few did point out, "hey, you know a lot about it, hmm and you do your eye brows, and wear nail varnish, is there anything you want to tell us?". i was so close to saying yes, but not the best way to come clean really, so i just told em, they are my brows and nails , and i'll do what ever i want.

   

  a friend at work, who i have told, came over to me, looking very concerned. he said mart, this is going to be you is you stay here through it. i am worried, this isnt what you need. no i agreed, but there is a long way to go yet.

   

  so yeah, this whole realisation has hit me. i knew it wouldnt be easy to do this here, but i gave my collegues a little bit too much credit i think. i know i have to find work else where. do i start to look now? theres not a great deal about here, its always an option to move some where else, but i'll still be in the same boat. oh god, seams i have a lot of figuring out to do.

   

  im staying positive as i know, from my travels about both as martin/steph and as steph, that people are in general ok, but close up, day to day?

   

  luv Steph xxx