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Stephie Hughes 's Entries

10 blogs
  • 21 Sep 2014
    omg!!!!   a friend came round this afternoon, and asked if i wanted to go to the beach. she said she fancied one not far from me, a quiet little bay. sounded like a great idea, so i got some things together and off we went.   i packed my swimming costume, and a cotton dress to wear over the top, not really thinking i was going to use them, but hey, at least id have the option. as it happens, i did. i actually went swimming in my new swimming costume!!! i didnt bother with the dress, it felt amazing!!   im so so happy. i cant wait for work tomorrow. i had a lovely message from one of the drivers today, telling me not to worry, everyone there is really ok with it all, and that they admire me for following the path that i have to follow. i think i must be the happiest girl ever right now :)
    2621 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • omg!!!!   a friend came round this afternoon, and asked if i wanted to go to the beach. she said she fancied one not far from me, a quiet little bay. sounded like a great idea, so i got some things together and off we went.   i packed my swimming costume, and a cotton dress to wear over the top, not really thinking i was going to use them, but hey, at least id have the option. as it happens, i did. i actually went swimming in my new swimming costume!!! i didnt bother with the dress, it felt amazing!!   im so so happy. i cant wait for work tomorrow. i had a lovely message from one of the drivers today, telling me not to worry, everyone there is really ok with it all, and that they admire me for following the path that i have to follow. i think i must be the happiest girl ever right now :)
    Sep 21, 2014 2621
  • 02 Jul 2014
    hello ladies   its been a while, but ill keep this short (ish) lol   im now living pretty much 60% me!! only not at work but that is very soon about to change.   ive been liasing with HR at the company i work for. she is amazing, and seems almost as excited for me as i am!! she is genuinely interested, and caresthat i am happy. every time i see her, she asks how im doing, and if there is anything she can do. she has commented that in the 7 years ive worked there, she has never seen me so happy.   any way, i am officially getting a name change on tuesday nect week, (well, form filling at least). i cant wait to see my first bit of mail with my name on. ive also decided im not going to wait to start my RLE, ive actually set a date. they say life begins at 40, well, mine really will. no more pretending, i will be me!!   ive informed HR, and the rest of the bosses, and the last few days, ive been trying to talk to some of my collegues, some already knew some had no idea, but all have been extremely understanding, and accepting. i think it helps that i am confident in talking about it to others, there is no doubt in my mind this isnt  choice for me, that it is something that, no matter what, i have to do, which i try to put over to people.   i am extremely lucky in the sense that i always thought that north devon was a sheltered place, and was told by close friends that it would be hell doing this here, as there seams to be a lot of prejadice, but in actual fact, yes it is sheltered, but maybe that goes in its favour? every one is very accepting, easy going and kind, and i am certain of all the places i could go, while "changing" i am right at home, in the place i am meant to be. i am lucky, and blessed to be here.   so, the date. well, i have a weeks holiday booked frm the 13th september til the 21st, my b'day being on the 17th. i have told them at work, that martin will finish work on the friday, and will never be back, tho i will be returning to work on the 22nd. i know some will feel arkward, and some customers will avoid me, but it wont last long, that i am sure about. with my confidence, and wit, people will soon learn to accept me for who i am.   i am so so excited, its the beginning of the rest of my life. i know this is a long long road, but my journey has well and truely begun.    love to you all,   steph xxxx
    746 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • hello ladies   its been a while, but ill keep this short (ish) lol   im now living pretty much 60% me!! only not at work but that is very soon about to change.   ive been liasing with HR at the company i work for. she is amazing, and seems almost as excited for me as i am!! she is genuinely interested, and caresthat i am happy. every time i see her, she asks how im doing, and if there is anything she can do. she has commented that in the 7 years ive worked there, she has never seen me so happy.   any way, i am officially getting a name change on tuesday nect week, (well, form filling at least). i cant wait to see my first bit of mail with my name on. ive also decided im not going to wait to start my RLE, ive actually set a date. they say life begins at 40, well, mine really will. no more pretending, i will be me!!   ive informed HR, and the rest of the bosses, and the last few days, ive been trying to talk to some of my collegues, some already knew some had no idea, but all have been extremely understanding, and accepting. i think it helps that i am confident in talking about it to others, there is no doubt in my mind this isnt  choice for me, that it is something that, no matter what, i have to do, which i try to put over to people.   i am extremely lucky in the sense that i always thought that north devon was a sheltered place, and was told by close friends that it would be hell doing this here, as there seams to be a lot of prejadice, but in actual fact, yes it is sheltered, but maybe that goes in its favour? every one is very accepting, easy going and kind, and i am certain of all the places i could go, while "changing" i am right at home, in the place i am meant to be. i am lucky, and blessed to be here.   so, the date. well, i have a weeks holiday booked frm the 13th september til the 21st, my b'day being on the 17th. i have told them at work, that martin will finish work on the friday, and will never be back, tho i will be returning to work on the 22nd. i know some will feel arkward, and some customers will avoid me, but it wont last long, that i am sure about. with my confidence, and wit, people will soon learn to accept me for who i am.   i am so so excited, its the beginning of the rest of my life. i know this is a long long road, but my journey has well and truely begun.    love to you all,   steph xxxx
    Jul 02, 2014 746
  • 07 Jun 2014
    its been a little while since my last blog, so figured i should do an update.   where do i start. well, ive had my first appointment at the laurels, which went well, and im now living more and more as me. "he" only really exists at work, i dont wear any of his clothes at all other than for work. Thats not to say i go full on, not all the time, specially when im at home, or going any where i am likely to see any one from work, but i am finally realising who i am.   i have found ive softened up quite a lot. ive been able to drop the manley charade, and i wont pretend any more. ive let the cat out of te bag at work, but not in a big way, just making jokes and allowing people to get used to it.   ive yet to go out properly still, i havent been into town yet. what i have done, is to walk around town on a saturday evening, when lots of people are around, to see if any one would react. ive had a couple of whistles, which made me feel really good, but no one, not one single person has realised. lets face it, drunk lads, out smoking, laughing joking, you would expect at least one of them to start shouting, but no, much to my delight, they didnt..   so i now realise i pass pretty well. which has bossted my confidence loads. i now need to knuckle down and master the whole voice thing. once i have that sorted, the only way is up!!   so all in all, a pretty good time for me. im sorry if this reads badly, but im  so excited right now. i have a life in front of me, and for the first time ever, its full of hope.   steph, xxx
    757 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • its been a little while since my last blog, so figured i should do an update.   where do i start. well, ive had my first appointment at the laurels, which went well, and im now living more and more as me. "he" only really exists at work, i dont wear any of his clothes at all other than for work. Thats not to say i go full on, not all the time, specially when im at home, or going any where i am likely to see any one from work, but i am finally realising who i am.   i have found ive softened up quite a lot. ive been able to drop the manley charade, and i wont pretend any more. ive let the cat out of te bag at work, but not in a big way, just making jokes and allowing people to get used to it.   ive yet to go out properly still, i havent been into town yet. what i have done, is to walk around town on a saturday evening, when lots of people are around, to see if any one would react. ive had a couple of whistles, which made me feel really good, but no one, not one single person has realised. lets face it, drunk lads, out smoking, laughing joking, you would expect at least one of them to start shouting, but no, much to my delight, they didnt..   so i now realise i pass pretty well. which has bossted my confidence loads. i now need to knuckle down and master the whole voice thing. once i have that sorted, the only way is up!!   so all in all, a pretty good time for me. im sorry if this reads badly, but im  so excited right now. i have a life in front of me, and for the first time ever, its full of hope.   steph, xxx
    Jun 07, 2014 757
  • 12 Feb 2014
    i met up with a good friend on sunday, spent the day in bude. was an amzing day, didnt go the whole hog as shes never met total steph, but im kinda tryin to ease her in gently. shes seen me with a bit of make up and casual clothes, (jeans, top but no wig, and not trying to "pass") but only in my flat. i asked her what she felt comfortable with and she told me it was totally up to me, and that she needed to adapt. not wanting to over do it, i shaved as close as i could, put on a little make up and went out hybrid. she didnt seam phased at all, until we were walking into the pub. she asked what should she do if people looked, and i told her that they WILL look, after all, its not every day you see a bloke looking prettier than most of the women in the bar haha. this broke the tension. i am totally at ease, and it defo helped her. she even told me she enjoyed it, and felt proud. no one was laughing at us, or her, and no one was taking the micky or being nasty, it was just curiosity. in all, a really amazing day, laughed so much, my sides were hurting, specially when we both go blown over by a big gust of wind, we just rolled around in hysterics!!   im going to move forward to today. something happened today that totally made me open my eyes and think.   at work we are getting the phone lines sorted out. one of the engineers is TG. he, and hes defo still a he in the way he moves, talks, looks, and his clothes, but, hes got breasts, and wears make up.   it was really hurtful to hear how every one i work with was ridiculing him, some of the things they were saying, was awful. i tryed so hard to explain, and to stick up for him, with out telling them i am as well, tho a few did point out, "hey, you know a lot about it, hmm and you do your eye brows, and wear nail varnish, is there anything you want to tell us?". i was so close to saying yes, but not the best way to come clean really, so i just told em, they are my brows and nails , and i'll do what ever i want.   a friend at work, who i have told, came over to me, looking very concerned. he said mart, this is going to be you is you stay here through it. i am worried, this isnt what you need. no i agreed, but there is a long way to go yet.   so yeah, this whole realisation has hit me. i knew it wouldnt be easy to do this here, but i gave my collegues a little bit too much credit i think. i know i have to find work else where. do i start to look now? theres not a great deal about here, its always an option to move some where else, but i'll still be in the same boat. oh god, seams i have a lot of figuring out to do.   im staying positive as i know, from my travels about both as martin/steph and as steph, that people are in general ok, but close up, day to day?   luv Steph xxx
    768 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • i met up with a good friend on sunday, spent the day in bude. was an amzing day, didnt go the whole hog as shes never met total steph, but im kinda tryin to ease her in gently. shes seen me with a bit of make up and casual clothes, (jeans, top but no wig, and not trying to "pass") but only in my flat. i asked her what she felt comfortable with and she told me it was totally up to me, and that she needed to adapt. not wanting to over do it, i shaved as close as i could, put on a little make up and went out hybrid. she didnt seam phased at all, until we were walking into the pub. she asked what should she do if people looked, and i told her that they WILL look, after all, its not every day you see a bloke looking prettier than most of the women in the bar haha. this broke the tension. i am totally at ease, and it defo helped her. she even told me she enjoyed it, and felt proud. no one was laughing at us, or her, and no one was taking the micky or being nasty, it was just curiosity. in all, a really amazing day, laughed so much, my sides were hurting, specially when we both go blown over by a big gust of wind, we just rolled around in hysterics!!   im going to move forward to today. something happened today that totally made me open my eyes and think.   at work we are getting the phone lines sorted out. one of the engineers is TG. he, and hes defo still a he in the way he moves, talks, looks, and his clothes, but, hes got breasts, and wears make up.   it was really hurtful to hear how every one i work with was ridiculing him, some of the things they were saying, was awful. i tryed so hard to explain, and to stick up for him, with out telling them i am as well, tho a few did point out, "hey, you know a lot about it, hmm and you do your eye brows, and wear nail varnish, is there anything you want to tell us?". i was so close to saying yes, but not the best way to come clean really, so i just told em, they are my brows and nails , and i'll do what ever i want.   a friend at work, who i have told, came over to me, looking very concerned. he said mart, this is going to be you is you stay here through it. i am worried, this isnt what you need. no i agreed, but there is a long way to go yet.   so yeah, this whole realisation has hit me. i knew it wouldnt be easy to do this here, but i gave my collegues a little bit too much credit i think. i know i have to find work else where. do i start to look now? theres not a great deal about here, its always an option to move some where else, but i'll still be in the same boat. oh god, seams i have a lot of figuring out to do.   im staying positive as i know, from my travels about both as martin/steph and as steph, that people are in general ok, but close up, day to day?   luv Steph xxx
    Feb 12, 2014 768
  • 08 Feb 2014
    Hey girls, i have to share my day with you. it was such amazing fun.   i had to work this morning, so woke up, and the usual humdrum of getting dressed, brekkie, cuppa tea, then emerging into the world as martin. nothing exciting happened at work, as per usual, just the slow slog of normality. 8am, 9am, 10am, 11am, yey one hour to go. finally 12 o'clock happened, week end time!!!   i drive home, thinking as i went, hmm, what am i going to wear to today, what am i going to do? so i call my friend to see what he is up to, only to be greated by some one who sounds like the world is ending. Man flue!!! OK, so im on my own today. shower, shave, and then the ritual begins. i empty my drawers, and pull almost everything out of my wardrobe, hmm, cant decide. i decide on a pair of very fitting jeans, and a sexy blue top. and put my make up on. it was then i decided i was going to go out. its really stormy here, and there is no better place to be in a storm than right down by the sea (im just 200yards away from it hehe ), so, i put on my healed boots, and brush my wig, and im ready. i check my self in the mirror, yes, looking pretty good. then it dawns on me. no one here in my home town knows!! i live in a top floor flat, there are 5 other flats in my building, and 6 buildings in my row. its quite a walk to my car, nerves set in, so i sit back down and have a very berry tea. with out thinking, i just got up and left. walking to the car i passed about 10 people, not one funny look. id decided i was going to be looking for peoples reaction, i know sometimes paranoia can see things that arnt there, but at least i wont miss what is. but no, nothing. so far so good, may be just lucky, maybe people just wernt looking around much. got to the car, ****!! hardly ay fuel, nvm, theres a fuel station close by with card payment at the pumps, so wont have to talk to any one. so drive 3 miles only to find the storm has disrupted the systems, and its closed. this means talking to people. haha game time i decide. i manage to get to barnstaple, not very far only about 13 miles, and get to a filling station i use as martin quite a lot. i put some fuel in and walk into the shop. its very busy, but still no funny looks, i even have the door help open for me by a good looking man, he gave me a gorgeous smile as i walked past. ooo, i could get used to this :) then its my turn to be served. so i say to the lady pump 7, and 12.5gs of cutters choice. she looked extremely surprised, and looked at me questionally. i just smiled and said thank you. and left. no one else heard me talk only her, so again, no reaction from any one as i left. feeling really good and extremely happy, i drove to saunton and parked for a bit on the top of the cliff, and just sat, watching the sea, thinking.   i carried on to croyde and decided to take a wander through the village, i was enjoying my new found freedom, and wanted to make the most of it. came into contact with a lot of people, no comunicating mind, just a smile and a whisper. i was so nice to just be normal, some one else walking down the road, not standing out, but blending in, looking normal. such a boost to my confidence.   right now, i feel amazing, better than i think ive felt for so so long.   i am off out again tomorrow, but im going with a good friend. shes not met Steph yet, not properly, so probably wont be doing it  again tomorrow, but today will stay with me, and will defo be doing it again next week end!! already, im so excited, i cant wait hehe. xx
    1189 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • Hey girls, i have to share my day with you. it was such amazing fun.   i had to work this morning, so woke up, and the usual humdrum of getting dressed, brekkie, cuppa tea, then emerging into the world as martin. nothing exciting happened at work, as per usual, just the slow slog of normality. 8am, 9am, 10am, 11am, yey one hour to go. finally 12 o'clock happened, week end time!!!   i drive home, thinking as i went, hmm, what am i going to wear to today, what am i going to do? so i call my friend to see what he is up to, only to be greated by some one who sounds like the world is ending. Man flue!!! OK, so im on my own today. shower, shave, and then the ritual begins. i empty my drawers, and pull almost everything out of my wardrobe, hmm, cant decide. i decide on a pair of very fitting jeans, and a sexy blue top. and put my make up on. it was then i decided i was going to go out. its really stormy here, and there is no better place to be in a storm than right down by the sea (im just 200yards away from it hehe ), so, i put on my healed boots, and brush my wig, and im ready. i check my self in the mirror, yes, looking pretty good. then it dawns on me. no one here in my home town knows!! i live in a top floor flat, there are 5 other flats in my building, and 6 buildings in my row. its quite a walk to my car, nerves set in, so i sit back down and have a very berry tea. with out thinking, i just got up and left. walking to the car i passed about 10 people, not one funny look. id decided i was going to be looking for peoples reaction, i know sometimes paranoia can see things that arnt there, but at least i wont miss what is. but no, nothing. so far so good, may be just lucky, maybe people just wernt looking around much. got to the car, ****!! hardly ay fuel, nvm, theres a fuel station close by with card payment at the pumps, so wont have to talk to any one. so drive 3 miles only to find the storm has disrupted the systems, and its closed. this means talking to people. haha game time i decide. i manage to get to barnstaple, not very far only about 13 miles, and get to a filling station i use as martin quite a lot. i put some fuel in and walk into the shop. its very busy, but still no funny looks, i even have the door help open for me by a good looking man, he gave me a gorgeous smile as i walked past. ooo, i could get used to this :) then its my turn to be served. so i say to the lady pump 7, and 12.5gs of cutters choice. she looked extremely surprised, and looked at me questionally. i just smiled and said thank you. and left. no one else heard me talk only her, so again, no reaction from any one as i left. feeling really good and extremely happy, i drove to saunton and parked for a bit on the top of the cliff, and just sat, watching the sea, thinking.   i carried on to croyde and decided to take a wander through the village, i was enjoying my new found freedom, and wanted to make the most of it. came into contact with a lot of people, no comunicating mind, just a smile and a whisper. i was so nice to just be normal, some one else walking down the road, not standing out, but blending in, looking normal. such a boost to my confidence.   right now, i feel amazing, better than i think ive felt for so so long.   i am off out again tomorrow, but im going with a good friend. shes not met Steph yet, not properly, so probably wont be doing it  again tomorrow, but today will stay with me, and will defo be doing it again next week end!! already, im so excited, i cant wait hehe. xx
    Feb 08, 2014 1189
  • 26 Jan 2014
    ive been going out and about as kind of a hybrid lately, wearing fem clothes (not skirts yet), and a little make up, but in no way trying to pass. the reason for this is because i have a long way to go with my voice, and i dont want to not be able to talk.   the thing is, im not nervous, or self consious in any way, and have noticed a big change in the way people talk to me. they are much kinder, ang softer. and ive been told i act different as well. in the same way others are to me. is this because i can relax and be more myself? or is it in response to how other people are? im not sure, but i really like it what ever the reason.   most of my friends know, and ive now set up a FB page and have all of them as friends, a big step, as i have a few pics of me. i havent met any one i work with yet, and im kind of dreading that day. im not making things a secret, and wander around my local town, im just not anouncing it to the world.   work, thats been a funny one. apparently, there are rumours going around about me. i wear nail varnish to work, nothing bright, and i have my brows plucked, so i guess it doesnt take a genious to start a little suspicion, but the ass mngr has asked the boss, (who i have told) if i am trans. thats a big leap, how he figured that one out, i'll never know. HR now know as well, tho ive yet to talk to them. going to try tomorrow.   just need my apointment to hurry up now, every thing else is amazing. im actually really happy right now, hope is wonderful. the future is looking like a very exciting place.   xxxxxx  
    850 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • ive been going out and about as kind of a hybrid lately, wearing fem clothes (not skirts yet), and a little make up, but in no way trying to pass. the reason for this is because i have a long way to go with my voice, and i dont want to not be able to talk.   the thing is, im not nervous, or self consious in any way, and have noticed a big change in the way people talk to me. they are much kinder, ang softer. and ive been told i act different as well. in the same way others are to me. is this because i can relax and be more myself? or is it in response to how other people are? im not sure, but i really like it what ever the reason.   most of my friends know, and ive now set up a FB page and have all of them as friends, a big step, as i have a few pics of me. i havent met any one i work with yet, and im kind of dreading that day. im not making things a secret, and wander around my local town, im just not anouncing it to the world.   work, thats been a funny one. apparently, there are rumours going around about me. i wear nail varnish to work, nothing bright, and i have my brows plucked, so i guess it doesnt take a genious to start a little suspicion, but the ass mngr has asked the boss, (who i have told) if i am trans. thats a big leap, how he figured that one out, i'll never know. HR now know as well, tho ive yet to talk to them. going to try tomorrow.   just need my apointment to hurry up now, every thing else is amazing. im actually really happy right now, hope is wonderful. the future is looking like a very exciting place.   xxxxxx  
    Jan 26, 2014 850
  • 30 Dec 2013
    im really not sure what im going to write here. ive just had the best christmas ive ever had. was so amazing. went to stay with my parents for 5 days. got there at 9pm christmas eve, and  was a bit nervous because its the first time ive seen them since i spoke to them, so wasnt really sure what to expect. i needn't have worried. everthing was normal. my mum gave me a big hug as i walked in the door, and wispered dont worry, everything is going to be ok. you have no idea how this felt. its what ive needed to hear for such a long time, and from that moment i knew it will be.   my dad then came in and in his own way said hi, so i gave him a hug as well, after than, every one went about doing what they what they were doing.   christmas morning came, up at 5.30am as normal, and we all gathered down to the sitting room, to open pressies. this was the bit i was nervous of. how was any one to know what to get me? lol. well, my sister, (who is in egypt!) got my some estee lauder, pleasures perfume which she must have had a nose through my make up and perfume drawer when she visited. its my fave and i was on a total high. my parents got me the usual, but female, socks, jumper, body spray and lotions and stuff like that. i was over joyed.   i wore my new top that day, and felt amazing because of where it had come from. my mum told me to relax, it was fine and to just be me. they had come to terms with every thing, and love me so much. boxing day we got up early because mum wanted to go to the next sale. it was the best experience ie ever had, and have always dreamed of shopping with my mum. she was surprised by my taste in clothes, and i ended up getting a few bits with my mums encouragement.   next day we went into town, for a walk round the shops again. when she pulled out a dress and told me she thought it was gorgeous and that she thought it would suit me, i was blown over. i actually loved it as as well, so found a top to go with it, and bought it. we got home and my mum asked me to try it on. it was the first time ive worn a dress in front of a female, in front of any one except toby in fact, but i did. amd called her in to see. the look on her face was one of pride. it fitted beautifully, and looks amazing, and gave me a big hug and told me how pretty i looked.   the day i was due to drive home, my dad asked if i wanted to go into the local town and have a quick wander and go for a coffee. this i knew was his way of saying every thing is ok, and that i dont need to worry about him. he told me to wear my new top, boots and coat, which are very feminine, so i did. i wasnt nervous about being out in public, tho i didnt try to look like a female, i did look pretty good. just very efeminate and gentle.   any way, i know i have rabbled on a bit too much, so sorry about that lol. hope every one else had a good christmas,   love to all,   Steph xx
    1025 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • im really not sure what im going to write here. ive just had the best christmas ive ever had. was so amazing. went to stay with my parents for 5 days. got there at 9pm christmas eve, and  was a bit nervous because its the first time ive seen them since i spoke to them, so wasnt really sure what to expect. i needn't have worried. everthing was normal. my mum gave me a big hug as i walked in the door, and wispered dont worry, everything is going to be ok. you have no idea how this felt. its what ive needed to hear for such a long time, and from that moment i knew it will be.   my dad then came in and in his own way said hi, so i gave him a hug as well, after than, every one went about doing what they what they were doing.   christmas morning came, up at 5.30am as normal, and we all gathered down to the sitting room, to open pressies. this was the bit i was nervous of. how was any one to know what to get me? lol. well, my sister, (who is in egypt!) got my some estee lauder, pleasures perfume which she must have had a nose through my make up and perfume drawer when she visited. its my fave and i was on a total high. my parents got me the usual, but female, socks, jumper, body spray and lotions and stuff like that. i was over joyed.   i wore my new top that day, and felt amazing because of where it had come from. my mum told me to relax, it was fine and to just be me. they had come to terms with every thing, and love me so much. boxing day we got up early because mum wanted to go to the next sale. it was the best experience ie ever had, and have always dreamed of shopping with my mum. she was surprised by my taste in clothes, and i ended up getting a few bits with my mums encouragement.   next day we went into town, for a walk round the shops again. when she pulled out a dress and told me she thought it was gorgeous and that she thought it would suit me, i was blown over. i actually loved it as as well, so found a top to go with it, and bought it. we got home and my mum asked me to try it on. it was the first time ive worn a dress in front of a female, in front of any one except toby in fact, but i did. amd called her in to see. the look on her face was one of pride. it fitted beautifully, and looks amazing, and gave me a big hug and told me how pretty i looked.   the day i was due to drive home, my dad asked if i wanted to go into the local town and have a quick wander and go for a coffee. this i knew was his way of saying every thing is ok, and that i dont need to worry about him. he told me to wear my new top, boots and coat, which are very feminine, so i did. i wasnt nervous about being out in public, tho i didnt try to look like a female, i did look pretty good. just very efeminate and gentle.   any way, i know i have rabbled on a bit too much, so sorry about that lol. hope every one else had a good christmas,   love to all,   Steph xx
    Dec 30, 2013 1025
  • 07 Dec 2013
    heya all, well, what a week! my sister came to stay for a few days. we havent really talked too much for many years, but shes my big sis, so i told her everything a little while ago.when she got here, everything was normal, not sure what i expected, but there was no mention for quite some time. finally, the subject was brought up. she asked all the expected things, like how, why, when, are you sure? so i answered them all as best as i can. she was really understanding. she had done some research before coming, so had a good idea what it was all about anyway. she also has some experience with TG, as was a social worker, and a couple of the chaps were TG. one had been "on the road" for quite some time, and seams to be getting fobbed off by the authorities. this was 15 years ago, but she told me she was worried the same thing was going to happen to be, left in limbo land. i guess a lot has happened and change since those days, but was really comforting that she cared. something she did ask me, was about my sexuallity. im not sure if any of you are the same, but i think of myself as straight. because my body is male, and responds and enjoys contact. but my heart has never been in it. my heart longs for something else. my heart is a straigh woman, who longs for the kind of contact, both emotionally and physically , of a man. to my surprise, she did actually understand. even re-explaining it to me! i showed her my wardrobe (ive never shown another femail any of my clothes). she looked really shocked. worried, i asked her what was up. her reply re-assured me more than she'll ever know. she said, she loved it. my taste was "normal", she had been expecting some horrendous stuff, but that it was like any of her friends wardrode, and that my taste was really good. i loved that. made me smile sooo much.   i know, that no matter what or where, or how this road takes me, her love and her support will always be with me. it is a totally great feeling to have your sis by your side.
    1055 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • heya all, well, what a week! my sister came to stay for a few days. we havent really talked too much for many years, but shes my big sis, so i told her everything a little while ago.when she got here, everything was normal, not sure what i expected, but there was no mention for quite some time. finally, the subject was brought up. she asked all the expected things, like how, why, when, are you sure? so i answered them all as best as i can. she was really understanding. she had done some research before coming, so had a good idea what it was all about anyway. she also has some experience with TG, as was a social worker, and a couple of the chaps were TG. one had been "on the road" for quite some time, and seams to be getting fobbed off by the authorities. this was 15 years ago, but she told me she was worried the same thing was going to happen to be, left in limbo land. i guess a lot has happened and change since those days, but was really comforting that she cared. something she did ask me, was about my sexuallity. im not sure if any of you are the same, but i think of myself as straight. because my body is male, and responds and enjoys contact. but my heart has never been in it. my heart longs for something else. my heart is a straigh woman, who longs for the kind of contact, both emotionally and physically , of a man. to my surprise, she did actually understand. even re-explaining it to me! i showed her my wardrobe (ive never shown another femail any of my clothes). she looked really shocked. worried, i asked her what was up. her reply re-assured me more than she'll ever know. she said, she loved it. my taste was "normal", she had been expecting some horrendous stuff, but that it was like any of her friends wardrode, and that my taste was really good. i loved that. made me smile sooo much.   i know, that no matter what or where, or how this road takes me, her love and her support will always be with me. it is a totally great feeling to have your sis by your side.
    Dec 07, 2013 1055
  • 28 Nov 2013
    i speak to my mum before work every day, usually talking about weather, or what we're doing today, but this morning she surprised me. im going to my parents for christmas dinner, i think they have booked a table for usall a t one of their local pubs. this morning she asked if i was going to be martin or steph, so she could prepare herself. i have actually thought about this, but out of respect, i think it would be far tooo soon to introduce them, as i know my dad is having a difficult time getting his head around it. the question is, how and when do i introduce them?   ive been wondering this for some time. ive tolda fair few people, but they are mostly people i havent seen for a few years, so should i let them meet "me" next time i see them, or do i give them chance to ask questions first?   i will be the me that they all know this christmas when they see me, but i did remind my mum, that it is something that is going to happen at some point. she is amazing, said where ever and what ever i do, she will be right beside me, holding my hand. i love my mum, and dad, i hope they can accept me as my true self.  as my mum saiys now, im still the same inside,
    1014 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • i speak to my mum before work every day, usually talking about weather, or what we're doing today, but this morning she surprised me. im going to my parents for christmas dinner, i think they have booked a table for usall a t one of their local pubs. this morning she asked if i was going to be martin or steph, so she could prepare herself. i have actually thought about this, but out of respect, i think it would be far tooo soon to introduce them, as i know my dad is having a difficult time getting his head around it. the question is, how and when do i introduce them?   ive been wondering this for some time. ive tolda fair few people, but they are mostly people i havent seen for a few years, so should i let them meet "me" next time i see them, or do i give them chance to ask questions first?   i will be the me that they all know this christmas when they see me, but i did remind my mum, that it is something that is going to happen at some point. she is amazing, said where ever and what ever i do, she will be right beside me, holding my hand. i love my mum, and dad, i hope they can accept me as my true self.  as my mum saiys now, im still the same inside,
    Nov 28, 2013 1014
  • 22 Nov 2013
    This is my first blog, ever!! but want to write it, so i can look back, and read it in time to come, and hopefully, give myself a little boost.   Ive finally realised i cant go on acting like its not real. i am me, the real me, not the mask ive worn each and every day for the last 30 years. its time i embraced, not hide. ive lived it seams for every one else, scared of upsetting people, feeling like a failure, a freak. i have finally grown to realise if i am to acheive any kind of happy ness i have to do something about it..   went to see doctor some time ago, and got refered to some local psyciatrist. turns out i knew her, she is one of our customers at work, but was so easy to talk, i didnt care what she thought of me, i was just happy to be able to talk about things. it help me to understand what it is i need to do, with in my self, and where i want to be. i want to look in the mirror and see who i feel, its been a life of acting the person i look, but now i am going to learn to be the person i am. i pray that one day, harmony will be acheived between my soul and my reflection.   next step is the laurels, its agony waiting, im told it could be a long while before i get an apointment. but at least the ball is rolling. :) xx
    775 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • This is my first blog, ever!! but want to write it, so i can look back, and read it in time to come, and hopefully, give myself a little boost.   Ive finally realised i cant go on acting like its not real. i am me, the real me, not the mask ive worn each and every day for the last 30 years. its time i embraced, not hide. ive lived it seams for every one else, scared of upsetting people, feeling like a failure, a freak. i have finally grown to realise if i am to acheive any kind of happy ness i have to do something about it..   went to see doctor some time ago, and got refered to some local psyciatrist. turns out i knew her, she is one of our customers at work, but was so easy to talk, i didnt care what she thought of me, i was just happy to be able to talk about things. it help me to understand what it is i need to do, with in my self, and where i want to be. i want to look in the mirror and see who i feel, its been a life of acting the person i look, but now i am going to learn to be the person i am. i pray that one day, harmony will be acheived between my soul and my reflection.   next step is the laurels, its agony waiting, im told it could be a long while before i get an apointment. but at least the ball is rolling. :) xx
    Nov 22, 2013 775