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PREFACE: I'm something of a human sexuality buff. As such, much of what I may post or discuss or reveal about myself will reflect my own views, observations and ideals of sex and sexuality.
I’m not typically one to rant like I have been lately and I hope that this and the other most recent post aren't too distasteful. However, I am one to ruminate about many things that I find fascinating, curious or, on some occasions, just plain wrong. This entry is pertains to the latter.
I’m sure there’s a word, which describes the view that I’m about to share with you, but it’s late, I’m beyond exhausted and I’m feeling too lazy to look it up or to pry it from my memory. So, I’ll just sum it up in one sentence. What is it about our nature that makes us take the very best that life has to offer, and corrupt it, pervert it and make it into the very worst? I’m not necessarily speaking to the subject of taboo, particularly practices and observances considered “fringe” or dangerous or avant-garde. This pertains to the the parts of everyday life that we all will experience or have experienced.
Firstly, sex. Sex is for much more than procreation. It serves as a means to release tension; it promotes good psychological, physical and emotional health; it has been proven to lessen the effects of depression; it’s obviously fun and it is one of the single most important and effective ways to bring two or more people closer together in the social sense. Sex should be one of the best parts of life, not the worst.
Of course, there are those who completely misuse sex as a means to torture, abuse, traumatize, defile, dominate and manipulate others in the form of rape. There is little need for me to elucidate the effects of rape and why it’s so abhorrent. Words fail. I, myself am a survivor of sexual assault. I look back at my life and the choices I’ve made and the persistent paranoia and post traumatic stress, which still remains a part of my life since childhood. Rape represents everything that sex should never be: painful, shameful and something to be despised.
Another experience we all deserve to celebrate is success. Success is a very fluid term, holding many meanings to different people, so I’ll try and find the middle ground. In a nutshell, success to me is a triumph over one’s fears, one’s doubts, defying adversity, and above all, courageously being oneself when everyone else tells you you’re wrong.
Success is rarely easy. Maintaining success for many is more challenging than achieving it. This is made more complicated not only those who are jealous of the successful, but by misadventure, frivolousness and and disbelief in one’s own abilities to persevere.
How many times have we all heard the stories of celebrities, namely, who come into fame and fortune and overnight success, who then turn to drugs, wasteful spending and reckless and lavish lifestyles due to the simple fact that they were completely unprepared and ill-equipped to fully appreciate their accomplishments? It’s become rather cliché these days. And, once they’ve squandered all that they’ve earned, they’re left with little more than the memory of the life they once had and pissed away.
Then, on the opposite end of that spectrum lay the more bitter story of those who work hard to attain success and who finally make it only to be faced with the vicious slings, arrows and vituperations coming from the embittered masses who aren’t as talented, gifted and tenacious. For those individuals who finally “make it” only to realize that they are loathed by many, a surprising few of them are able to maintain their success due to the fact that they lose their will to fight and rather than being able to enjoy their success, they come to rue and resent it. The tired old maxim “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” sounds good in theory, but in reality, words have ways of cutting the very deepest.
The last example I’ll share with you may or may not fit the criteria I’d set as not all of us have or will experience this. But, I believe once one has found the courage to be true to oneself and others and comes out, that is one of the most liberating experiences one can have. I really do believe this to be true, however I do not believe that anyone should have to “come out.” I believe that this should never have to come up at any time because we should all be accepted, embraced and celebrated as we are; what we are is irrelevant. There should be no norm, or if there is to be a norm, that norm should be that we are all different. Our differences shouldn't drive us apart but bring us together. Deep down inside, we are all the same and want the same things; we all want a safe place to live, we all want to be happy, we all want to enjoy and partake of the same human rights as our neighbor. We don’t have to agree with or approve of each other’s lifestyle, practices, observances, preferences, etc. but we can and should agree to disagree. But , I digress.
When one finds it within themselves to come out, that should be a moment of triumph and relief, while signifying one’s personal moment of clarity and inner peace. It’s a beautiful moment, which more often than not, becomes a nightmare for millions. People have been murdered, ostracized, raped, abused, beaten, they’ve lost family and friends, careers, their homes and much more. There is no reason things like this should ever have to happen to anyone. No one has a right to turn one’s joy into their misery.
I wish that I had all the answers and solutions to this flaw in our nature. We all share the same living space. We don’t have to like each other but there is no reason to destroy each other’s happiness because we disagree. There is never an excuse to twist the best parts of life into something that resembles nothing that it should ever be. We all deserve to be happy and to enjoy life and no one should ever take that away from us.
