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Last night I went to a Christian discussion group in my local town with other members of my local church. There were eight of us in total including my friends the hosts. This monthly group offers fellowship, spiritual support, and cake, but the main focus is the discussion of a topical subject. This time the subject was same-sex marriage in the Church of England. This was the theme of “Living in Love and Faith”, which the church’s governing body debated and voted upon earlier this year. As a result, the official position of the church, which remains in place for the next five years, is this:
• the church acknowledges the hurt felt by same-sex Christians down the ages
• nevertheless it remains of the view that the Christian model is marriage between a man and a woman
• same-sex marriages may not be celebrated in the Church of England
• the individual members of a same-sex union may receive a blessing in church, but their union will not be blessed.
It soon became clear that all of us in the group were on the same, progressive, side of the argument. Some of the group had personal experience of interacting with (and loving) gay members of their family. We were all agreed that the central message of the Christian faith is one of love: God’s love for humanity, and the love we are called to show to each other. This is the highest kind of love, which sacrifices itself for others, places the needs of others first, and values everyone as special because loved by God.
Set against that the traditional view that the Bible condemns homosexual practice as sinful; that God is a holy God who cannot abide sin; and that Christians are called upon to “hate the sin but love the sinner”, as the phrase goes. Now this raises a number of issues. First, the Bible was clearly a product of its time and reflects the world-understanding of its authors. So much has changed since then. Our understanding of how and why people identify as gay has been revolutionised: it’s not a perverted lifestyle choice, but simply the way some people are. Also, slavery is universally condemned, although the Bible condones it (the apostle Paul urges masters to treat their slaves kindly). So the Bible must be continually reinterpreted in the light of our ever-growing understanding of the human condition.
Second, it is actually very hard to distinguish between the sin and the sinner. The terrible truth is that hating the sin sends you down the road of hating the sinner. In many parts of the world, particularly Africa, homosexual promotion or practice can result in death. Here in England, the authorities don’t execute gay people, but the church continues to treat them as second-class and to discriminate against them. Officially the church acknowledges that its position goes too far for some and not far enough for others. It’s hard to avoid the impression that the debate is less about determining the spiritual truth and more about preventing the church from splitting in two over the issues.
Third, the traditional position does not reflect the reality or the depth of the love that same-sex couples can have for each other. Loyalty, commitment, self-giving, sharing one’s own being with another: these are not confined to man-woman relationships but are also evident in so many same-sex relationships that we personally know.
And finally, the traditional view is simply not compatible with the Christian message of unconditional love for all people, regarding them as special regardless of their sexual orientation.
So we in the group concluded that love is the answer to the problems of the world and that the message of love will endure to the end of time.
The discussion came to an end, and most people went home. I stayed behind, as did a woman named D, a lifelong friend of the hosts. I said to my friends the hosts that if the discussion had continued, I was going to share my situation with the group. And then I told their friend D all about Ariane. She reacted as I was sure she would, in a positive and affirming way. So that’s another coming-out accomplished. Maybe I will share this with the whole group next month.
