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By Wednesday morning I was feeling the effect of all the gin I’d drunk the night before. I got up, then went back to bed. Eventually I felt ready to face the day. I decided to proceed with Plan A. I caught the train south, 30 minutes to Disley on the edge of the Peak District. Then I went for a long walk, along the Macclesfield Canal, into Lyme Park, brief tourism at Lyme Hall aka Pemberley, then through the rolling hills and moorland of the park back to Disley.
Earlier I considered going for the walk as Ariane, but it was just too cold. I discovered one of the inconvenient truths of girlhood, that sometimes it’s just too cold to go out in a dress. Anyway I was happy enough on my own. I like being outdoors on my own because there’s so much time to think. I have so much to think about.
Back in Manchester, in the warmth of my room at Velvet, I changed into Ariane. Wednesday night is TGirl night in the Village. I walked down the road to Via, the designated meeting place for their regular organised group. Quite a lot of girls out tonight, some established, some new. After a while we moved on to the Molly House round the corner (so named because traditionally men used to go there to wear dresses). There were some musicians playing trad folk in the background, and some gay couples, and there was us.
And I found what I found the previous time, that you can feel out of place in a group of people even though you all have one thing in common. Yes we had our common trans-ness, and that was something to talk about, but I don’t think there was anything else. Essentially this was a group of men in dresses, some more convincing than others. The established ones talked to each other and some of the new ones, including me, just sat there and said nothing. Around mid-evening I got my coat and made a French exit. Like last time, I just prefer female company to male company, even if the men are all trying to be women. It’s not the same.
Back at the hotel I didn’t want Ariane’s evening to end, so I went out again, on my own, back to Oscar’s down the road. It was quiet, as was all the Village for a Wednesday night. I watched some of the clips from the musicals that they have on non-stop play. Next to me a lesbian couple were being very affectionate towards each other. I drank less gin than the night before and then I left.
So these TGirl meet-ups are not the answer for me. I knew that last time. The way forward is for Ariane to engage with more of her real friends.
