Oh, My GIDNOS...!

• Posted by Rachel de Blanc March 25, 2008 Filed in Society Girl's Personal Blogs 995 views
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  I recently decided to seek a form of evaluation, and have since been in correspondence with Dr Torres at Gendercare. It has been an interesting exercise to date, but it has perhaps has not yielded any real suprises.
  
  The scientific analysis is intriguing but I am by nature, a little sceptical. The translation of personal responses to personal questions into diagrams and graphs, is visually tantilizing. The categorization of an individual's level of Gender Dysphoria is less alluring but more penetrating.
  
  I am happy (?) for a third-party to confirm that I 'suffer' from Gender Dysphoria, but of course I'd spotted that much already. I am sorry that my own self-knowledge of my gender during the age of 0-7 is so vague, and that my memory of that period is also dim. However, as I often fail to remember what I ate for dinner the day before, I should not be surprised...
  
  I'm less delighted that the analysis confirms that my personal situation is unclear. Don't get me wrong, this is not a criticism of the analysis, this is a concern about my own, confused state. I would love a very clear definition. A definitive TS or a definitive CD label would encourage a clear course of action, that I could then opt to seize, gently take, or let slip through my fingers. A result that leaves the door open, only provokes more reflection, and reflection is sometimes painful and wasteful.
  
  There are occasions when I feel anything but a borderline case, and I wonder whether there will also be prolonged periods when the same applies?
  
  It suspect that it is true that if you put more in, you get more back. My circumstance does not allow me to do this at present - either that, or I'm not enabling it.
  
  In every other aspect of life I try and be clear and decisive. It's a bugger that I appear to be so incapable of rectifying this.
  
  So I congratulate all the girls who have achieved a clear understanding of their 'condition' and wish them well with the difficult questions that life now throws up. All I can offer are apologies for the mixed-up utterances that spout forth from someone who's less clear, and ask for patience, and thank TrannyWeb for the forum.
  
  Rome, or perhaps even Rachel, wasn't built in a day.