Passing 102: prerequisite Passing 101 ....

    • 95 posts
    January 4, 2017 12:23 AM GMT
    Early on in my transition, my biggest mentors, Traci O'Gara and Christine Shye, said the biggest factor in passing is confidence. And how true this turns out to be. As it says in the headline to this forum, so many other factors come into play. Even when you have mastered makeup, hair, style, and subtle gestures that people instinctively make their split-second decision on, you are left with your voice. This is probably one of the biggest stumbling blocks to successful passing. But, fear not! Even though I've worked on my voice, without a voice coach, I can't afford everything(!), I find that even though I am always called "sir" on the phone, in public that is not the case. People have usually already made up their mind, during that split-second unconscious decision, whether you are male or female. So when I speak, using a sing-song string of words, using a lot of inflection, especially at the end of my sentence, my deeper voice is dismissed as just that, a deeper voice. Never has a cisgender female said anything about my voice....and working in retail, I talk to A LOT of women! My secret? Confidence. I don't question my gender. Ok I may not be as swank and have such a delicious body as many women I see (so green with envy) but I am who I am. I'll admit the beach and yoga, where there is not much to hide my wonderful physique, confidence and being in the "role" makes a difference. I never thought I'd be here, but as you feel comfortable and confident with each phase of your transition, one day you will realize that all of your changes have taken over without any thought, it's natural and not "forced." You are really living as yourself now, Believe in yourself and so will others.
    • 746 posts
    January 4, 2017 5:19 PM GMT

    OMG, you have soooooooo nailed it!  (smile)  Truly you must act like you belong on this planet as much as anyone else without wavering or doubting yourself!

    Yes, voice is a huge challenge, but not a big as we all fear worst, like yourself, just learn to string your words in a sing song manner.  For me, without coaching, I have learned to speak "softer" with inflection.  It seems to work.

    The last and perhaps the biggest thing you can do to pass is invest in permanent facial hair removal.  It is called electrolysis.  It is expensive, time consuming, and at times, painful.  That said, to not have to apply makeup to cover shadow or worry about hair nubs after a full day of living, is liberating.  I am not finished but can go 48 hours without any trace...I'll shave whatever is emerging on the third day and I'm good for two more days...where it gets challenging is when I have scheduled a session and have to let it grow for 5 or 6 days, hence I cannot live full time year round...but it is something that I say is a MUST!

    Robin, you're awesome and give me too much credit for your accomplishments.  It was all you GF, I just was there for you...I always will be!


    Traci xoxo


  • January 5, 2017 6:52 PM GMT

    Robin & Traci, you are both amazing people, I have been here on GS a while and seen you both evolve, what you both have achieved is astounding, each doing it your own way.   I need nothing from this site personally, apart from the desire to help where I can, from my own experiences, some things I have done, the seedy side of my life in the past, but I have achieved so much, after a pretty rotten childhood.   Some people don't like me or trust me, think I'm a fake because I don't mix with some of the more outlandish types, been there and done that, but what the FK do I care, some envy me because I look not half bad.  but I'm the one with the law degree now, contentment and confidence through perserverence, even if my voice sounds like a bag of spanners. ust plod on enjoy the real you.

  • January 9, 2017 2:41 PM GMT

    All of this: Confidence, Beliving in yourself.


    I had a really bad life before. Once I came out, sure there are some haters, some stares, some harassment - but: I meet many friendly people, a few guys hitting on me, elderly men holding a door and winking, and women asking me for fashion tips or literally asking me to help them pick out a clothing gift for their family member.


    My voice is still my worst tell, I'm still trying to learn the inflections. But - confidence: my new friends rely on me, my female friends look to me for strength, think of me as "Thank goodness Anna is here with those rough-looking people", etcetera. I'm a big girl, and I just do what I want - bold makeup, heels or wedgies, anime-style hair, a lip piercing. Some people are scared of me, some nasty people stare, but I was never liked or respected in my old life either, and now I like and respect *myself*.



  • January 12, 2017 5:32 PM GMT

    As far as other less discerning people, get yourself one of these,

    This post was edited by Cristine Jennifer Shye. BL at January 12, 2017 7:26 PM GMT
  • January 12, 2017 7:25 PM GMT

    Great idea! XD "Captain, IDGAF is at full charge!"

    • 746 posts
    January 18, 2017 7:51 PM GMT

    My meter is stuck on "I don't give a f*ck"!  Must be broken!  LOL