Women shut up....

  • March 23, 2005 8:37 AM GMT
    I noticed a funny phenomenon yesterday on board the Tallinn ferry. That happened actually many times. When the husband od bf was away, getting drinks or in the toilet, the lady companion started to chat with me on womens topics as children, her husband and even her diseases. The talk stopped when the man arrived to the table. And then I was totally ignored as if any chat would never have taken place. Funny. Have you noticed the same?

    • 588 posts
    March 23, 2005 10:12 AM GMT
    Yes I have, Laura. And it was only two days ago. I visited an aunt and uncle of mine. Their two daughters, my cousins, aged 29 and 33, were there, the oldest one with three of her four children. The children had gone to bed. Then we heard my cousins youngest son - 2 1/2 years old - coughing terribly. And she told me that he had been doing this every night since october - having developed asthma and eating very little. Shortly afterwards my uncle left the room. The conversation became increasingly heavy - and it gradually became clear that the last months may have been too stressful for this sensitive boy. Many things she said made this quite clear. And at this point her father returned from the kitchen. It felt really awkward. Our conversation stopped. And then weered off in another direction. And at the same time: I actually think he may have been hearing parts of what we had been saying - from the kitchen were he often sits smoking by the fan.


    I should add here that none of them knows yet, consciously that is, about me being a woman... But I feel quite sure that my ways and mannerisms have changed perceptibly and at this point have reach some kind of "critical mass"... At one point I actually found myself thinking that the way I held my arms around my cousins five year old son, him sitting on my lap, somehow reminded me of his mothers usual way. And I felt quite comfortable.
  • March 23, 2005 10:29 AM GMT

    We women are very good in "seeing through you". So we "know", instinctively more than you think.
    In my case I noticed this for the first time on board with total strangers. Probably I have been myself "closed" before. Now I have the eye contact with people and smile much more. That gives the sign to other women to begin the chat.

  • April 11, 2005 2:51 AM BST
    I havn't noticed women talking to me because I don't generally go out as Veronica, but what I've notcied is that when the men in the conversation G-girls tend to become a fiture, (part of the back ground) but when they leave we G and T girl can relax a little more an talk to each other but if the men are talking it's social conditioning tht says "we need to be quiet and let the men-folk talk" I accepted a long time ago, being a woman means losing some of the privilege of being male. I hope this helps some.
    • 25 posts
    April 14, 2005 1:46 AM BST
    Hi Laura,

    I do not know how it is in your culture but women here in the US always talk about men when they are not present. Women tell other women about the problems that they have with themselves, men or their husbands. Here in the US it is called “male bashing”. Women do it all of the time when they are together.

    Women talk about their problems not to ask for help but just to get their problems off of their minds. The catch phrase is “listen to me and don’t fix it.” What a great compliment it was for her to talk to you about those matters because she knew you were a woman and would listen and understand. Women “never” tell these things to men.

    I do not profess to know what was going on in a person’s mind. However, I think that when she stopped talking to you, she probably had finished complaining to you and got everything off her mind and felt better about it. She knew that because you were a woman you would understand what was happening. It was great of you to just listen and not try to fix anything.

    My policy is not saying anything and just listens.

    Women think very differently from men. Men want to fix everything when women do not want it fixed.

    It is more complicated than this but I hope that I was able to help. We are all very complicated because our emotions are so different. This is a very good thing because it makes an interesting world.

  • September 27, 2009 10:55 AM BST
    Many women talk without "saying" anything as a way to organize their thoughts with their feelings. I learned that about women many years ago when as a man I tried to "fix" things all the time and one day just shut the heck up and all of a sudden became a wonderful caring man LOL.

  • January 3, 2010 6:30 AM GMT
    Wndy I took your advice and read the book "MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS" and it really is a good book. Thank you

    • 2573 posts
    September 27, 2009 7:09 PM BST
    I highly recommend MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS. It discusses the differences in emotional needs of men and women in detail as well as, as Stephanie mentioned, the frustrating "Mr. Fix-it" that resides in men. What a relief to no longer have that driving me so hard, though it pops up out of habit at times. My relationship with my SO is much improved by reading that book and I am sure that it will help some of us learn female socialization skills. It is a book to read and reread.
  • September 27, 2009 8:49 PM BST
    four years ago in my early transitioning I went to do a course for work in new gender...classmates were three Pakistani girl age 16, 20, 30 and two Asian men one of whom was the alpha male...when these two were out of the room we women could chat about women things including the older one telling me that she had been forced into the typical cousin marriage and after struggling for a few years had admitted defeat and started divorce proceedings...but immediatley the alpha male walked in the room they turned away from me as though I was poison...so I'm inclined to say that women will accept a transsexual among them quite happily until the males come back
    • 2573 posts
    January 5, 2010 5:00 PM GMT

    I'm pleased to hear it helped. I find myself rereading it intermittently and still find new things every time I do.

    I just got some new books that I suspect I will mention after I have finished them. My SO is continuously providing me with articles and books to increase my knowledge and understanding of male/female behavior. It turns otherwise boring bus/rail trips into interesting study sessions.
  • April 13, 2012 10:18 PM BST
    Men are from mars and women from Venus GOOD?

    I´d have you know that many women are also Ms/mr fix-it, though I, when i was younger, also had the habit of blabering my mouth to allow my mind to clear some space in my head. Its all a question of culture and what in what "mode" you are comfortiable in persona-wise. (we have millions of personalities in us its just a thing of what sides of ourselves we develop and to pidgeon hole men and women in tiny boxes of stereotypical behavior isnt doing any good, especialy if you "just want to be you").

    Well take my sermon as you will, I just dont thing that book has any points of worth.