I was wondering if some people here could help explain a few things to me because im slightly confused on some things about crossdressers and transvestites ect ect.

Im trying to become a shemale and i look convincing as a girl and i pass in public but heres the huge part were i get confused about crossdressers and transexuals and things. If you look convincing as a girl then that makes perfect sense to me because your beauty and its something wonderful to look at. However if your NOT convincing at all and just look like Star Wars Chewbacca in tights/stockings then why do it??

I dont mean it to come across as something offensive but i dont understand why if these people look ugly and not convincing in the slightest then why do it? to me it just seems like there making an embaressment of themselves and to me ive found that most of these people usually end up being 30year old men in the begining of a Mid-Life-Crisis.

Maybe its just because im a perfectionist because i want everything to be perfect or to not do it at all. In my opinion if your not going to do it right then dont bother. My friends say im perfect and look at me strange when i look at pictures of myself and i say to them something like 'i dont like it because im pulling a face' or 'my eye brows look to bushy' or anything else along those lines.
Maybe its just because of bad experiences ive had on chat rooms because over here in the UK we have a chatroom called www.Freeserve.com and in those chat rooms you ALWAYS get liars and fakers and ive spoken to a few people there who have stolen other peoples pics yet claim them as there own!? WHY???

im still not to sure about this forum because a friend gave me a link to it but once i told them how i want to be and how i am they went funny on me and stopped being my friend.......
Some people have already helped me in my first post about advice i wanted and im greatful. i just still havent made my mind up about here yet.

can someone just explain to me why these people even bother if they dont look convincing? i mean if you just look like King Kong in a dress or Mike Tyson in a nightie then why do it? i cant get my head around it at all.

Along time ago i met someone who told me that Transexuals are very nasty to Transvestites as they see them as frauds who just do it because there perverts looking for a cheap thrill in there wife/girlfriends knickers/panties while there out or asleep. is this true?

i just have to mention this

i like your long legs joni

Claire as the others have said we all dress for our own personal reasons. Many of us talk about being convincing, noconvincing, that we pass or do not pass. However have we really looked at genetic girls - some of them look very masculine. So when you state that you look convincing as a girl what exactly do you mean? I quote you "If you look convincing as a girl then that makes perfect sense to me because your beauty and its something wonderful to look at". Does this mean that all genetic girls are beauties? Another quote "Im trying to become a shemale and i look convincing as a girl". To lots of us "shemales" are often "chicks with dicks" but you want to pass as a girl. I think you are confusing yourself - do you really know want you want to be?

Please don't consider me as rude by replying to your post n the way I have but not everyone naturally looks like a girl. I have worn female clothes for as long as I can remember and still do so as often as possible - in fact at present it's 24/7. I'm considering seeing my doctor to arrange seeing a gender psychiatrist because of my personal feelings but as for being convincing I'm not sure. There is one thing I've noted I don't receive abuse when I'm out and about as June, so I might be convincing to some people.

June

Hey Claire,

You do an awful lot of talking about appearance, but I notice that your picture is conspicuously absent from your profile. Could it be that you are so preoccupied with the superficial issue of appearance because you are somehow insecure about your own appearance? Let's have a look at you love. Put yer pic where yer mouth is.

Of course, as always, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Also Claire, while we're on the topic of who's for real and who's not, since you're such a fierce and fabulous Tgirl, why not demonstrate your committment to transgenderism by coughing up a few quid for a full membership?

I'm sorry, Claire.

As a TS I have a great deal of trouble with people who post messages riddled with spelling and grammatical errors. Why bother us? Perhaps you should give a bit more attention to what you think and how you express it and a little less on guestioning the motivations of others.

I am quite serious about this. Such an attitude is incredible. Your narcissism is astonishing. You may be pretty, but your letter and sentiment shouts that intellectually you're the 'Mike Tyson in a nightie'.

The best (and possibly only) answer the the question WHY is a short, simple BECAUSE.

Why do people climb mountains, because they are there.
Why do people jump out of planes with a sil hankie strapped to their backs, because they enjoy it.
Why do the Government tax us, because they need money to run the country.
Why do I wear a skirt, because I find it comfortable.

See everytime the answer is because.

If you climb down from your high horse and try to learn a little more about our world rather than spouting your own brand of twaddle you'll realise everyone is different and does things for different reasons. Variety is the spice of life as they say.

Oh and I agree, if you are that good then post a picture or two so we can see what you look like.

Alex
xxxx

I think you more or less gave the answer to your own question a couple of days ago, Claire:

---

I Need Advice

its just i can't take feeling like this anymore because when i'm all done up as a Girl i feel happy and i smile and i can look in a mirror and feel happy with what i see because i'm convincing. Yet when i look in a mirror when i'm not all done up as a girl i feel sick and disgusted by what i see and i don't smile because i feel like killing myself because i feel so wrong.

i would appreciate any help from people who have gone threw all this.

---

Looking at yourself in the mirror and being "convinced" when you're "all done up" ? I think Ann's comment is right on target: It's called narcissism. Which to some degree explains your insensitive and hurtful comments. And your confusion. It also means you're projecting your problem onto others: If you recognize some tranny out in the streets, she reminds you of yourself - when you're not perfectly done up - doesn't she ? And instead of asking yourself any questions you're directing them onto someone else.
So, I would recommend asking yourself why you're so obsessed with being convincing. I guess it's your fear of being found out. Your mentioning of Chewbacca, Mike Tyson and King Kong kind of rings the same bell - of fear.. But I'd say you're blowing the problem a bit out of proportion.

how come some of you are being real nasty towards me? fcuk i asked an honest question because im trying to understand everyones differenet choice because i dont understand that side of things and some of you just act like complete arseholes to me for no reason.

Thanks to all the girls who actually answered me and talked to me like a human being and who actually tried to help and as for the others who just left nasty comments towards me then maybe its you who needs to treat other and acept there opinions better because all i did was ask a question because i wanted to understand more. i didnt ask to be given abuse from complete strangers

Ya know what's worse? Getting abuse from individuals that have been friends. I understand your question, but some just can't be answered. Like what is the difference between a CD and a TV? Keep asking questions and maybe someday we will all find out why we are like we are. I have really begun to hate being a CD/TV. I feel so alone and it hurts. I know this place is about talking and finding out the mysteries of what we are, but the truth be known, we are just freaks of nature...nothing more

That's evolution for you

Every species on this planet started out as a freak of nature hun. Some were good freaks, and some were bad freaks. The good ones did well, the bad ones usually didn't.

So, are CD's/TV's good freaks or bad freaks? Given that, argueably, the human species has taken itself out of the evolutionary loop these days, I guess the answer to the question lies with each individual.

Unlike about 5000 years ago, these days it all comes down to wha we think of ourselves - the most valued but most often overlooked commodity in this world is self-worth. Without it, you won't get very far. With it, the world is your oyster if you use it right.

Claire,

I am reposting my response from the "Night Out In Mnachester" thread, because I get the impression that you didn't bother to read it. It is a reasonable response, I believe, and may help to answer some of your questions. As a TG community activist, I feel strongly that to be concerned with such superficial issues as appearance is counter-productive to the overall goal of overcoming the inhibition that has been placed upon all of us by ignorance and outdated social standard. It is you, I feel, who needs to open your mind and develop greater tolerance toward your sisters, no matter what their appearance or where they happen to fall withing the broad spectrum of transgender expression. Please read the following, that you might learn a thing or two about me. Perhaps through further exchange of ideas, you and I might actually become friends. I hope so.

Previous Post:



There's a sad reality that happens to everyone, Claire. Hard though it may be for you to accept at your tender age, we all get older.

I am now 48, and I have been hitting the streets in Baltimore, San Francisco, and New York City since I was 13. In my younger days, I passed without even trying. I went to straight establishments and never even raised an eyebrow.

Due to a lifetime of circumstances beyond my control, I have been unable to pursue transition until recently, and while I am not the hot little number I once was, as you may not be when you reach my advanced age, I had to realize that my gender expression couldn't, and shouldn't be contingent upon whether I pass or am wildly attractive. And whether you believe it or not, I take my gender expression very seriously, but you know what? There's nothing wrong with having a little fun. We who enjoy this very special distinction of being differently gendered, no matter where in the spectrum of gender expression we fall, should celebrate our gender difference, and more important, should excercise greater tolerance than ordinary people, in an effort to achieve the solidarity so essential to our community.

If you look around you carefully the next time you're out and about in your hometown, you may notice numerous genetic women who are most unattractive, indeed. Would you require that these women stay locked away behind closed doors as you seem to think that the older and less passable Tgirls should?

While I have been to the greatest TG districts and clubs my country has to offer since before you were born, I look forward to experiencing the village in Manchester this October, on the weekend of the 28th and 29th, and I hope to see you there, should you deign to grace us with your presence. Incidentally, how about posting a pic in your profile, as most of the rest of us have, so that we will recognize you upon your arrival?

Of course, as always, this is just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Well, I for one think we all have a right to decide for ourselves if someone else's views in any way applies to us. We are all individuals.

And, of course, we're all looking in our mirrors. Most women do. So, the question is: When does it become an obsession ? There can be no clear dividing line. But certainly the mirror image represents some kind of problem if the slightly less than perfect leads to a serious depression.

One thing about this thread is it is the second most read in the forums right now.

Claire, I have had the weekend to think about how I replied initially and I possibly forgot my own golden rule about counting to 10, re reading and checking before posting. Having read it again there is a chance that it might have sounded a little over negative, which I have to say isn't exactly what I meant it too. I do, however, stand by my words and hope that having read all the replys you will have realised your initial posting perhaps wasn't written in the best way.

Can I suggest you try the "count to 10 and re read" rule in future before you post? I find that when I re read something I normally end up changing a word or a phrase to make it sound better. It might help you in your search for advice and answers by making you appear less confrontational.
I would also like to ask you to check your spelling, punctuation and grammer before you post. This will make the post read better and help you appear more of an intelligent girl than an ill educated heathen.

One final thing, if a mid life crisis starts at 30 then heaven help me. I'm having the time of my life right now at 34, so if this is my mid life crisis what on earth am I going to be like at 60? A recycled teenager with any luck!!!

Oh a second final thing (getting a little pythonesque here), still waiting to see a picture to see how good you look. Sems only fair to me as many of the girls in this thread have shown their face to you. As you can see we might not be perfect but we look pretty bloody good.

Alex
xxxx

Ditto the comments of Alexandra. After a day and a re-read it occurs that an apology from me is in order.

A good insight I see in the evolution of this thread is the rapid change to kindness and compassion from everyone.

Perhaps the real appeal in Claire's message was missed. Sometimes a person lashes out at those from whom they most desire affection.

Whatever kind of girl Claire really is, I know that all the girls that replied are caring and compassionate.

Claire,
Like several other girls I tend to read the forums at least once, especially if they become popular. IIn my earlier response I stated that I was thinking about seeing my doctor with a view to transitioning. Yesterday on a totally unconected matter I had to see my doctor. I was asked to remove my shoe and sock from my right foot and suddenly thought "shit I've got nail varnish on". The doctor examined my foot and confirmed what I thought was wrong with it and then told me that his wife had the same shade of nail varnish at home. This led on to me admitting that I was a transvestite and he asked how far I would go towards being a female. After a few minutes of further questioning he actually asked if I had considered transitioning from male to female. I then put a few questions to him before coming up with a decision. One of my questions was "Would I be convincing enough to be a lady?" to which he replied "When you go back to the waiting room have a look around you at the real girls and ask yourself that question." An appointment is now being made for me to see a psychiatrist who specialises in gender matters. By the way when I returned to the waiting room to wait for a blood test I did in fact look at everyone there. I can tell you that convincing is in the eye of the beholder.

Claire take a look at everyone around you and you may be able to answer the question yourself.

June

I would think most people can decide in 1/10th of a second but there are some People who i have seen who are so androgynous thats it takes a while and I am still never sure..lol. what you wear , and how you act are important factors though, because they cause you to blend in, and it gives less reason for people to pay any attention. I am full time and never have any problem going anywhere. but its taken some time to get it down to where i wasnt read instantly

Rikki Buff

Lucy and Steph

Thanks for your comments. I'm now waiting to hear from the hospital when I'm likely to get called for an appointment. I've already decided what to wear that day.

All I have to work out now is how to change my status on here from transvestite to transexual.

June xx

Hi Sue
Thanks for that.
Yes it is an unusal way and very handy because I was trying to work out how to bring it up some time in the near future. I visited the doctor because I've been suffering a complaint that affects males more than females. I had gout in the joints of my foot. When I lived in Hampshire the doctor there just used to send me for a blood test without looking at the relevant joint. As the doctor in Oxford hadn't met me before he wanted to have a look. He was very interested in the pink toe nails.
Now it's just a case of waiting to hear from the hospital.

Love and hugs
June xx

Lucy
Thanks for the advice but the one thing that doesn't appear in user info is the bit about being tranny or transexual

June xxx

No probs Lucy. I'll have to get a job pretty soon so that I can afford full membership.
I'm also waiting for my bank to pay me back lots of money the wrongly debited from my account.

Thanks again

June xxxxx

Right on Stevie!

often ...it's not what you ask(say),but how you ask (say) it eh?
Lifes a trip..hehe...Keep on Trudgin' ..."K"
Claire meant no offence- ?

(Khriss = the girl in the gorilla suit...hehe !?)

As my final entry in this thread, I will wholeheartedly agree with Lucy (as I usually do) and just sort of mention in passing (pun intended) that it has been my dubious privilege to have seen a picture of Miss Claire Cook finally, and she is not exactly this year's poster child for trans femininity.

Of course, as always, this is just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Looking forward to seeing you all in Manchester on October 29. I'll be there with bells on, and little else.

Ladies, I give you Miss Claire Cook.

Well, I can see now that the initial mentioning of CHEWbacca was not entirely fortuitous. I also agree with Sue: A misdirected act of kindness from some friends there.. Not really very helpful at all.

Linda

Wow, such a real and lively conversation. Scares my skinny ass right back in the closet. I am not trying to be something I am not....I am just trying to be happy....

By golly, Heather. That's what it's all about.

If the picture that Robyn shows is Claire then I suggest those of you who use tvChix look at the thread she started there because she positively hates tvs. The url for the thread is: http://www.tvchix.com/forum/topic.php?tid=1154
Her profile can be seen by anyone: http://www.tvchix.com/view.php?user=StarClaire

Stevie-

Thank you so much, as you always do you have done a wonderful job of explaining a difficult (and touchy, as we have seen from this thread and others) set of concepts and social constructs. And I really loved the distinctions you made between doing things because we are good at them or enjoy doing them or have to do them...not to say they can't overlap which I suppose would be best of all!

Hugs...Joni

Hi Claire-

Interesting post. From my point of view, I feel pretty much as Sarah and Tiina do, it's not a matter of "passing" for a lot of us, it's a matter of expressing who we really are and how we feel about ourselves. I don't feel I'm particularly passable, though I do try hard and do the best I can with what I have to work with. I have friends who are quite, quite passable and others who very definitely are not but I can't fault them for being who they are and for needing to express something so fundamental to their sense of being.

And as Tiina pointed out, if only people who looked absolutely gorgeous were allowed out, the streets of most towns would be positively deserted. My feeling is the world would be a much better place if there were more tolerance for differences, more acceptance of people for who they are and how they treat others and less concern for superficial appearances.

Hugs...Joni

Why do they do it? Because they need to.
If you're transgendered in any way, the urge won't go away when you reach 30, nor is the urge controlled by your beauty. Maybe some make more effort than others, maybe they still look ugly, they can't help it, and who cares? Inner beauty is more important.
The generalisation that ts's are nasty to tv's is simply not true. I'm ts, some of my best friends are tv, as is my lover. None of them are perverts looking for a cheap thrill, nor do they wear their wives/girlfriends' knickers while they're asleep.
It takes all sorts to make a world. We can't all be glamorous shemales, and we don't all want to be.
xx

A very difficult question to answer Claire. The why is the hardest - I suppose it just makes me feel good and if I can be convincing and go out in public it makes the feeling better.

Do I want a sex change - the answer is no but do I want to be convincing the answer is yes. Hence I try and dress as women of my age dress. It helps me feel real.

You see Joni, I told you when you sent me that picture that you had great legs!

Claire,

Like the girls said, we do it for us, not for them, or you. When you understand that, you will understand us.

Don't be too harsh on Claire, girls, she asked an honest question, upfront, because she wanted to understand. There are no stupid questions. I used to have some wierd ideas about us and I turned out relatively ok, I think. Give the girl a chance to get it straight. She is trying. Anyplace that makes me this happy is full of beautiful people.

It IS evolution. All embryos, both XX and XY start development as a female embryo. Males are a later evolutionary development that has benefitted our species survival....but we are evidence of the path taken in that "advancement". We are not something new, but something old in human history. It would be strange if we did not exist in the human population....evidence of the transition from female only to a bigendered species.

Ladies, if we cannot show patience and understanding with those new to our ranks, how will we ever grow strong and unified. How will we have a chance to change the thinging of non-TG folk. We are, understandably, oversensitive to any implied or stated criticism, but anger will win us no new friends. Conflict decreases exchange of rational thoughts and growth of understanding. I have had to do a lot of relearning lately and remaining calm and rational, though difficult, has proven a far better course than letting testosterone run rampant and lashing out in anger. Easier said than done but I encourage the attempt. It took me years of study to come to my understanding about GLBT people. I will not demand others understand us immediately. That would be hippocritical and short-sighted of me.

Claire I will be glad to spend time chatting with you to explain what I believe to be "true" about TG folk, if you are interested. Everyone knows I love to talk endlessly about it until i begin to froth at the mouth and fall over sideways. By the way, if I ever pass there will probably be a Saint Wendy one day for the obvious miracle. However, while I may never pass I am certainly transgendered. As far as I am concerned, you are still welcome at TW.

Jeeze girls, why the slug fest? One of the things that has always made me proud to be a member of TW and one of the things I always talk up about this site when I'm visiting another group is how tolerant and supportive we are of one another especially when it comes to talking about TG issues. Yeah politics gets the brickbats whistling through the air but we're usually pretty much able to talk to each other about what it feels like to be how we are without punching each other in the head over it.

And to be honest, I think Claire's post has a point and maybe that's what's brought out some of the hostility and defensiveness. Who of us hasn't preened and postured in front of a mirror and thought to themselves, "Damn! I am one hot momma!"? Who hasn't wanted to go out on a date with themselves?<lol> In fact there is one leading researcher, Ray Blanchard, who pretty much defines TG issues in terms of what he calls autogynephilia, which translates roughly as love of oneself as a woman. A sort of mental masturbation, if that isn't too crude a way to put it. And no, I don't feel any particular sexual arousal when I dress, but yes, it sure as hell does feel good.

Yes, I realize Blanchard's work has been discredited to a great degree and I certainly don't subscribe to it (if you want to read more on it, just do Google search or read the Wikipedia entry and follow all the links) but in some ways it does describe how we feel about ourselves. Except I don't feel how we are is a pathology or a dysfunction or a paraphilia.

Come on, I think we can express our feelings about what it means to be TG without smacking each other around. The feeling we have in common about our gender issues and their expression should serve to unite us rather than push us appart. At least that's how I feel about it. And as usual Wendy has done a wonderful job of putting it into words.

Hugs...Joni

I agree with Joni. On the few occasions when I've not only dressed but added make-up, I've looked in the mirror and instantly fallen in love with myself. Why do I do this? Because I do. There doesn't have to be any other answer.

Oh dear, Claire. However did you reach the grand old age of 22 and yet remain so ignorant?
I suggest you go and read up a lot more on the whole subject of transvestism and transexualism, and the reasons behind both before you comment further, and alienate yourself totally from a community who may be able to help you. In your posts here, you mention shemale and transexual with regard to yourself, with no apparent differentiation between the two.
As for looks, I for one have none to shout about, but pass without problems. Perhaps you are a fan of the late Adolf Hitler, and wish to commit genocide on all those who do not conform to your idea of how one should look? Your friends may say you should be model, but watch them desert if you ever slip up, and do not continue to achieve the perfection you have reached already.
And before you go off the deep end at me, take note I am not alone in generally criticising your attitude. Perhaps this may tell you something?
Come to us willing to listen, and we can do you a lot of good.
Or just leave and pursue your own path. I can promise you it will be a lonely one.
Sue.

[disclaimer] My response is only aimed at Sarah's post in the first part. The rest is rambling off into other posts and situations. I am not calling Sandra a bigot, so please do not misinterpret my ramblings.

Sandra,

I tend to agree with you that genetic women dress, use makeup and go out in public for sexual reasons and probably get pleasure and even a thrill from it in some circumstances. I'm not sure if testosterone has anything to do with why ggs do it, however.

I haven't noticed any great difference in my quantitative sexual response to the idea of dressimg up to go out and meet the other sex as a male or female. There is a qualitative difference. I also spend entire days en femme, cleaning, cooking and doing ordinary daily tasks without any sexual stimulation but feeling calm, relaxed and "right". Sometimes I feel that way in drab (physically) while I am enfemme (mentally). It gets easier all the time. In any event, the presence of a male level of sexual interest does not negate the feminine identification of a transgendered person. They come from different places in the brain. To think otherwise takes us back to the old "there are only two, distinct sexes" concept, which, I believe, most uf us TG folk do not accept. Look at Samantha in SEX IN THE CITY. I have not heard one single gg complain that Samanths's masculine attitudes/drive re: sex is unrealistic for a woman. That's because women, like men, have varying degrees of sex drive. If you don't think that there are ggs who are thiinking about sex and get a thrill/pleasure when they dress up in that LBD and CFM heels and look very very good, then you never met my last ggf. I worked with her, daily, for years and even sleep in the same bed, without any sexual tensiion between us, but on nights when she got fired up just being in the same room could fire me up and our relationship altered significantly. Trust me, ggs can get very turned on dressing up. Just watching them you can see the difference in how they move and look. I've seen the same behavior in my previous lover who was lesbian...when she got into sex with me she "smoked"...yet ultimately she accepted her true nature and changed her partner preference to women. Being lesbian had nothing to do with her sexual interest levels. It's too easy to fall into old stereotypes when we judge motivations of TGs, the last people we should judge using those stereotypes. Now, I suspect that much of what you propose IS more applicable to "heterosexual" crossdressers, who tend to have otherwise stereotypical male drives. Otherwise, I urge caution in drawing such conclusions. Even so, I am willing to bet many of them really get into looking good as they primp for time en femme. Again, it's probably a different part of the brain promoting the behavior.

I certainly agree that denying or being unaware of one's TG nature can result in serious problems psychologically. (by the way "neurosis" is a discarded concept in modern psychiatry...yes, girls, psychiatrists and psychologists can learn and change). Accepting being TG brough about a dramatic improvement in my emotional state and ability to deal with my life. This is why I am always concerned by TGs who opt to deny/bury thier nature. It has to be doing bad things for the relationship they are trying to save as well as hurting them as a person. Not doing/being who you are to meet the needs of others is a dangerous path. For this reason I am disturbed by TGs who push others into levels of TGism that they are not ready for and may never be and I am disturbed by those (TG or non) whose behavior/speech discourages others from living as they choose to meet their internal needs.

I've said it before, a TG bigot is still a bigot. I would think that we would all want to avoid being an anti-TG bigot in any way....and by extension realize that any kind of bigotry harms us all. Clearly, my assumption on this is erroneous.

I first added to this thread purely on the basis of the original authors post and additions. I was led to read it by some remarks made elsewhere, and though I should not have done, read it with a preconceived idea that I too would find it irritating and offensive too. I must admit, I did.
I am just adding a rider to my remarks in that I like to think I am, like Wendy, unbiased. Her comments throughout have been thoughtful. unbiased and her facts correct, and I am of like mind when she says 'give the girl a chance'.
Claire's post was not well thought out, to the point of being completely tactless and ill-informed, and certainly managed to irritate more than one reader. This has to be put down to her youth and inexperience, and due to her obvious lack of command of the language she contrived to put herself in such a position that she came under attack from all sides.
I knew from an early age, somewhat younger than she is now, that I did not conform to societies view of 'normal. When I started on the TS roadsome years ago, I only avoided her mistakes by virtue of my advanced age and the experience that life had taught me by then. Namely, when to speak and when to shut up and listen. I could easily have made the same errors of judgement, and did in fact make many mistakes at first. When I eventually sought help, I too had annoyed and alienated many friends due to the fact I was on the point of a complete breakdown.
I am of the mind that perhaps Claire is also at that point, and am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. However, the ball is now in her court. She needs to come back and say what needs to be said, mindful of the fact that unless you are a professional writer, words on paper can be easily misconstrued. All the mannerisms associated with good communication are missing, so the wrong meaning could, can and does often come across.
Claire, we are here, and what you need is still available. It is now up to you.
Sue

Good on you, June. The nail varnish story is brilliant, I had to smile, but I'm really pleased for you that it led to such positive steps. If you're going to take such important steps it's always best to have your toenails well manicured, don't you think?
Looking at your icon I'd say that you are already pretty convincing, at least in the eyes of this beholder, hormones etc can only help with that. Good luck with it all.
xx

June:
Member Services/Your Profile... scroll down and click on Edit your member info.
Easy peasy.
What will you be wearing? I wore jeans and a pink jumper for my interview with the psychiatrist, I think that helped, she commented on others she'd seen that were somewhat "overdressed"!
xx

June.
I did try and post my congratulations, for want of better word, previously, but it seems to have been lost in transit. What an unusual way to approach things. Most of us have to twist a few arms to start with, not the other way round
You do look good in your photo, and the best of luck with the rest of your transition, hopefully leading to a satisfactory conclusion.
Love and hugs,
Sue.

Returning briefly to the original post and it's author, I have noticed she has been conspicuous by her recent absence. A number of apologies have been posted regarding the perhaps hasty initial replies, and requesting she try again. I don't know if anyone is still in contact with the young lady concerned, but if they are, or she is reading this, perhaps she would like to take note of this and get back to us.
Sue

My apologies June, you're right. I changed mine somehow, maybe I did it when I renewed my membership or something.
Katie - help!
xx

Claire, I understand what you are asking, but I also understand how some of the other members would be offended by the way you've approached the subject. Passing is a very touchy subject, because it's very easy to insult or be insulted. To tactfully address your question, we must recognize three concepts at play here.

There are things we do in life because we are good at them.

There are things we do in life because we enjoy them.

There are things we do in life because we must do them.

Most transsexuals and transgenderists are internally driven to be the other sex/gender, and nothing they can do will ever rid them of that drive. It's something that's present from birth. While one can't eliminate those trans tendencies, one has options on how to cope with them.

Some trannies deny their trans natures, by suppressing their true identities and their desires to express them. Many go through the motions of living normal lives as their assigned genders, but they are often depressed, and sometimes, suicidal. Some live double lives, doing what they deem necessary in the roles of their assigned genders, in order to survive, while expressing their true genders at every opportunity, publicly or privately. Other trannies determine to live their lives as their true gender and, in the case of transsexuals, the sex they think/feel they should've been from birth.

For those who are able to venture out as their true gender, being accepted as their presented gender is very important. Being accepted is not the same as passing, though. Passing means you don't appear to be trans to others. Being accepted means that others, regardless of whether they know you're trans, interact with you as the appropriate gender. Masculine-to-feminine trannies, for example, want to be treated as women by society. They want to fit into their feminine social roles and go about their lives.

While passing always comes in handy, it's not the determining factor as to whether one ever ventures out as their true gender, or even whether one transitions. The drive to be themselves is the overriding factor for many trannies, and being read or clocked (identified) as a tranny is not enough of a deterrent for many of them, because they get far too much out of being themselves. What others think is important, because we are social creatures, but each one of us has to prioritize, and to some, not passing simply isn't as bad as not being able to express their femininity.

So, from all of that, we can conclude that many transsexuals and transgenderists (and some cross dressers) go out in public as their true genders because they must, in order to be content, happy, and/or at peace with themselves, not because they are good at it. Drag queens and female impersonators do what they do because they are good at it, although some do enjoy it. I must admit that I can't really figure out why she-males do what they do, but that's their business.

The only reason passing is so desirable is because we live in societies that don't approve of trannies, for the most part. Were we living in more mature and sophisticated times, passing would be totally unnecessary, other than to serve our own vanity.

I know some of you don't like lables, but we need labels in order to communicate. The misuse of labels is the key problem, in my opinion. Here are my definitions of several terms I used in the above post.


gender - This term refers to the combination of one's various personality traits as being predominantly masculine, feminine, or androgynous. It's primarily about psychology and sociology, not biology. Gender and sex are very much related, but they are two different things. Typically, the terms "man" and "woman" describe one's gender, not one's sex.


sex - This term refers to one's biological/physical sex; whether one is male, female, or intersex. One's sexual identity doesn't necessarily determine one's gender identity, but the two are very closely related.


cross dresser - This term describes one who temporarily dresses in the clothes and/or temporarily assumes the identity of the other gender.


transvestite (formerly transvestitite) - This was the original term for an individual we would now call a "cross dresser," and in some circles, the two terms are still interchangeable. However, over the last few years, the trend has been to restrict use this term to describing those who are transvestic fetishists (those who obtain sexual arousal through cross dressing).


drag queen - A drag queen is a male performer who, unlike a female impersonator, takes femininity to exaggerated levels, for entertainment purposes (usually in gay bars and other LGBT hangouts, but also in the mainstream). More often than not, drag queens are gay males who are not transgender, but some are straight, and some are transgender.


she-male - This is usually considered a derogatory term to describe male prostitutes and porn models/performers who have used hormone treatment and/or surgery to acquire female secondary sex characteristics, while retaining male genitalia. To avoid insulting someone, a more appropriate term should be used outside of this context.


transgender - This term has two common uses.

1. It describes one who's sex and gender don't match, from that person's perspective. Another way to state it, is that one's assigned gender (assigned by society/culture) doesn't match the gender with which one identifies. Most cultures automatically assign gender to an individual at birth, based on that individual's sex. Some transgenderists live double lives, while others live full-time as their true gender, regardless of their biological sex. One can be transgender with or without being transsexual. Prior to the existence of the term "transgender," transgender individuals were inaccurately referred to as either transvestites or transsexuals.

2. It's also used as an umbrella term to capture all of the terms discussed here, as well as a few others. Often, when used in this way, it's shortened to "trans," and transgender individuals are often referred to as "trannies," which is where this website got its name.


transsexual - This term describes one who identifies with the other sex, and usually implies that one has a desire to become the other sex, to whatever extent medical technology allows (typically, hormone therapy and various types of cosmetic surgery, combined with psychological counseling). A transsexual can be pre-operative, post-operative, or non-operative, with regard to sex reassignment surgery (SRS). One can be transsexual with or without being transgender, but most transsexuals are also transgender.


transition - One transitions when one begins to live as one's true gender. For example, if a male tranny has lived primarily as a man, and then begins to live as a woman, he is in the process of transitioning. The process of transitioning can be short or long, and the goal can be full-time or part-time, although "transition" more often implies living full-time as one's true gender. Sometimes, "transition" includes the process of changing one's sex through SRS, but that is not always implied by the term.


pass - Passing is the ability of one to convince others that one is the other gender and/or sex (the primary focus is on gender). Some trannies place a high importance on passing, but others do not. While the ability to pass does make life easier for many trannies, it is by no means a criteria for transitioning. Recognizing one's own gender and/or sexual identity, and being comfortable/happy with oneself, usually take priority over whether one will be obviously trans; physically, vocally, or otherwise.

Stevie.
You have precisely and concisely defined the basic principles of the whole trans culture.
This essay should be displayed on the front page, for all those new to the concept of trans to read. It would save many misunderstandings by those seeking to discover their true selves.
A lot of thought obviously went into the writing of your article, and I thank you for taking the time and effort.
Brilliant.

Sue.X

Thank you.

Yes, overlapping can be a good thing.

Thanks Barbara, and you made a good point. We have to make some attempt to feel good internally, and we shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable in our own skins.

Visually, I've always been able to pass as a female. However, I've never been able to get the hang of feminizing my voice. I don't sound like a Monty Python skit, but for a female, my pitch is simply too low (resonance is not my problem). Over the course of my life, that has caused obstacles in certain situations (speaking to store clerks, ordering food in restaurants, etc.), but in recent years, I've been doing the best I can without worrying about the fact that my voice might give me away.

At some point, my desire to be myself most/all of the time overtook my need to be "normal" in the eyes of others. I don't mean to imply that I don't have limits, because I do. For me (and most others I know), it's a gradual process, not an overnight change, and to this day, I'm reluctant to speak in certain situations. Still, my priorities have shifted as I've become more comfortable being myself in public, and while passing as a female is still an asset, it's even more important to be accepted as a woman (trans or otherwise) and treated as such. In other words, I'd rather have someone read me as being trans and still treat me as the woman I am, than to have to pretend I'm biologically female, just to be treated as a woman.

Passing is still a good thing, though. Being able to pass allows you to bypass a lot of things, be they problematic or not. It's just that the degree to which one passes shouldn't determine whether one pursues happiness, or at least inner peace, as a transgender individual. It's similar to having lots of money. All other things being equal, I'd rather be outrageously wealthy, but I'm not going to abandon my shot at happiness in life, just because I'm not a billionaire. All of us would rather pass than not pass, but the opportunity to express one's femininity (be it an occasional thing or a way of life) is so important to so many of us, that passing is more of a luxury than a necessity.