gay males?

    • 1017 posts
    October 26, 2009 8:04 PM GMT
    Hi Cristine,

    I certainly don't have any real answers but I have thought about this for a very long time and I do have opinions.

    I does seem that a disproportionate percentage of TGirls list themselves as "straight" or Lesbian, even exempting those who are in existing relationships.

    My guess is for most it is a combination of a couple of the factors you mention.

    Wanting to be "normal" is probably a major driver even if being transgendered pretty much puts you outside that word, at least as far as most of the world is concerned.
    A preconceived male perspective - all your life all authority figures have been saying "take off that dress and go outside and play sports with the rest of the boys."
    A sexual relationship with a another male is abhorrent and repulsive. I'd probably use less radical terms, say, off-putting and discomforting - of course that might depend on the nature of that relationship.
    Sticking with what you know is always the safer, if unadventurous, choice.
    Empathy and assimilation with GGs sounds good, but for the most part they going to be interested in males, themselves.

    If I were magically transformed into young, healthy and attractive female (like THATs going to happen) I'd probably do what they do, look for boyfriend.
    In my real life, since I'm not contemplating any transitions (hormones, RLE, SRS) any time soon due to age, finances and health, I'll go on as I am now, androgynously asexual for the most part.


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    • 2358 posts
    October 26, 2009 9:22 PM GMT
    Perhaps I'm not making myself very clear, , now I am not saying anything is normal abnormal right or wrong. but what does confuse me is the people that profess to be Gender Identity dysphoric, Male to Female, but always feel they have to quantify this by adding ''I'm straight, don't go with men, I'm not Gay I'm definately hetrosexual'???????

    you present and think like a woman, = woman.........woman attracted to men = Hetrosexual ergo.... normal,,... not societies perception in that you were born a male and should still be attracted to women

    you present and think like a woman, = woman....... woman attracted to women = Lesbian,.. society knowing you were born a male would and normally percieves this as realy weird, but accept it more than the case above.

    Cristine xXxx
    • 734 posts
    October 26, 2009 11:31 PM GMT

    No worries, I'm with you 100%. I don't view myself as anything else but 'straight', my preference is men and always has been.

    I think, tbh, it is far simpler for young people to more accurately identify themselves as transexual than when I was in my teens and early adulthood. And, although it may not seem so, there is far more understanding and tolerance today. Great strides have certainly been made.

    To answer the opening post, yes, (partly for the reasons above) I spent considerable time assuming I must be gay for the simple reason I was drawn to men and not women. But at the same time there was nothing remotely gay about me and the entire scenario never really meshed with my reality of me. It took a long time to realise I was fancying men as a woman would and not necessarily as a gay man would. I feel there are subtle differences.
    Strangely, whilst this period caused considerable confusion to me, ultimately it helped in the easy acceptance I found in family and friends. Although they accepted my assumption at the time that I must be gay, when I more fully understood Gender identity and explained how I was and the route I wished to take, it was like a light going on for them. Ah, they each said, now I understand why you prefer men.

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    • 2358 posts
    October 27, 2009 11:04 AM GMT
    Labels. why are so many people paranoid abput identity. This was started as ( have you ever felt gay) thread, People use labels to describe themselves all the time, We are not attaching a great deal of importance to the labels, they are being used in the definative sense. like one would use happy, sad, Just because you can drive a car that doesn't mean you can fly a plane, thats why drivers are called drivers, pilots are called pilots, Different but definately need to know your pilot is not just a driver when you board that plane.
    How di you describe yourself , Most of you refer to know a TS or have a TG, gay or lesbian freind .
    You don't say I have a mate, she calls herself miss wears frocks and has a willy?????????????????? or used to have a willy. same with I have a freind who was born a girl, she does'nt sleep with men, prefering to sleep with other women. Jam is jam, not peanut butter or marmalade. Jam comes in all sizes and flavours,

    I have just tried to be logical, reassuring people that all things considered the feelings of being gay are normal in the circumstances they describe.
    (but they not realy gay)

    Thats why I refer to myself as a trany its all encompassing. level playing field everyone equall people in their own rights

    Cristine, I'm back to the WTF do I know stage.

    • 2627 posts
    October 27, 2009 12:23 PM GMT
    When all is said & done I've come to beleave that gender & sexual orientation have nothing in common.
    I injoy having sex with a person I like regardless of the parts they have. When I first joined TW I was hit on a couple of times by TA's & was put off by it as I have no intrest in talking dirty here. I kept coming back wanting to learn about the woman in me.
    So I have & allways will hit the block to any PM's that talk sex.
    So the only normal thing about sex is liking it.
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    • 2358 posts
    October 27, 2009 1:04 PM GMT
    Karen, how wise, I always advocate its the who, not the what a person is.
    Oooooops in my last post I mentioned I view myself overall as a tranny, I do so with some affection, having a common bond with the comunity as a whole, all encompassing Hard to explain but, if some twit reffered to me outside the comunity as a Tranny I would put it down to their ignorance and be mildy miffed, bit like Gays that refer to their comunity as ''the Gay community''. I use the word Tranny loosely, knowing the hassles we have had in the past in the forums and nothing should be read into it.

    Cristine xxXxx
    • 2017 posts
    October 27, 2009 2:16 PM GMT
    Why do we really care anyway? This is the 21st century and certainly in the Western world we should be in a place where we can enjoy whatever relationships we choose to have, regardless of gender or sexuality and just ENJOY it! Maybe I'm oversimplifying it. I don't go for over analysis, if it feels good, why bother?

    The other can of worms this opens is for those who experimented at some time in their life. Does one experience that was never repeated make a person gay? Personally I don't think so. To use Crissie's analogy, getting your hands on the controls of an aircraft for a trial flight does not make you a pilot, and you may never get your hands on the controls again.

    I never thought I was gay, I still don't but I'm sure others would see me differently. To try and explain that a male I was only interested in women, purely heterosexual relationship there. However as a woman, men spark an interest in me, again, that's hetrerosexual, but as I'm caught between two worlds................

    A girl could go crazy trying to figure this out, since I already am crazy I don't bother.

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    • 2358 posts
    October 27, 2009 2:16 PM GMT
    Rachel, lol, nice one, should transfer this now to the fun section

    Yes, could class me as a bag lady, if you bought that bag for real it would cost over two thousand pounds, Prada fairy bag comes with its own authetification documents, that is in fact a very good copy, the only difference being that the art work on that bag is fixed, does'nt run when it gets wet in the rain, the other only noticable difference is the zips inside. So yes I was ripped off, but still reackon I got a very good deal. for £180.. So at least I'm seen as an expensive bag lady, lol with good taste.

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    • 2573 posts
    October 27, 2009 2:31 PM GMT
    Oh, Cristine, one of The Three Stooges used to go "woo, woo, woo", don't you remember? LOL.

    Do what feels right. Forgive yourself if you make a mistake. You are a gendernaut. You go where no man has gone before....well ok, some have, obviously.

    I have finally figured out my fist sexual experience, which was with a male friend. We were pre-teen. He suggested we try sex but one of us had to play the girl part. I was quick to volunteer. I spent a lot of time over the years trying to figure out what that experience meant about me. The last piece just fell into place. I was so eager to dress and play the girl part that I essentially ignored the fact that he was a male to enjoy being a girl. It had nothing to do with "gay", at least for me (I am fairly certain he was gay), it had everything to do with being transgendered at a time when the term did not even exist. I am grateful to him now for his suggestion, because it was my one, clear, TG memory of my early years when I really had no clue about sex. My response was hard-wired into me. It let me know these feelings go back to my childhood. I suspect that those of us who are not really attracted to males but have fantasies of sex with males are merely using it as a "carrier" for exploring our female-self. Besides, sex is not love, but mediocre sex is still good. We can not expect to understand transgendered sex when they have yet to figure heterosexual sex out.

    Just enjoy and accept yourself. It is like tasting food. If you never tried new foods you would miss out on a lot of taste experiences and enjoyment. I know lesbians who will have intercourse with men but their Love is with women. They like sex. Bisexual may not be bi-attracted. Years ago, I stopped the academic study of music when I realized that their logical and mathematical interpretations were interfering with my emotional response to music. This sounds like it may be the same thing.
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    • 2358 posts
    November 15, 2009 12:54 PM GMT
    Wendy xXx

    Is woo, woo woo, the definative interpretation of 'Eureka' Longmans perhaps, The stooges? what were the stooges Garry Glitters backing band?

    Anyway think people have finally got the point I was trying to make, and not recieved any hate mail, or death threats,yet, lol

    nice answers tho.

    Cristine xXx
    • 1017 posts
    November 16, 2009 12:26 AM GMT
    Hi Cristine,

    While this thread was dormant for a few weeks I've been thinking a lot about your statements and my answers to you. I think I hinted at what I meant, but really didn't spell it out the way I was trying to.

    You said, "you present and think like a woman, = woman.........woman attracted to men = Hetrosexual ergo.... normal,,... not societies perception in that you were born a male and should still be attracted to women."

    Sounds good, but it doesn't reflect my feelings or attitude. I've felt feminine since before (I'm guessing) most of the TW members were born. I dress to express that femininity. I truly feel I was born in the wrong gender.

    But, I live my life in a male body (as much as I wish I was female) and if I were to have sex with another male it would be homosexual, not heterosexual. The mind doesn't, at least for me, override the physical reality. If some guy, even if I were to find him attractive, was humping me from behind, I wouldn't feel the least bit feminine. (This is my personal view, I have nothing against gays or anyone else.) Maybe it's just my personal GID.

    I do find females attractive and have had relationships with them, but I've always wanted to be them, not screw them.

    For me, this is largely hypothetical, at least for the last couple of decades, since I live my life as androgynously asexual for the most part.


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    • 2358 posts
    November 16, 2009 8:08 AM GMT
    Hiya Melody.

    I was trying to put forward a logical answer ro the question ''does this make me gay'' I did at the start say somwhere that the human mind is very diverse, How you or anyone feels within yourself is a personal thing. My perception of what should be seen as normal, (I do so hate that word normal) is not written in stone for eveyone, On reflection, I neglected to say that it does'nt even have to appertain to a sexual act. It of course can just be the attraction the feelings. You can still be in love with somone and be asexual, Lots of people are just not interested in the act of sexual gratification. The act of sex initself is not
    dependant on love, it goes the otherway as well. Nice if you have both, but its not paramount in all cases to living a happy contented life. If you were to look at it from the other point, Anal sex is predominately described as a homosexual act.. But if you have a gender identity disorder and play the role of the female, convinced you are one and wanting to be seen and accepted as one, but at that time only able to have penatrive sex in that way, does that make you homosexul? , gay, personally I don't thinks so, if you do, its because your socially conditioned to think so, Perhaps your subconcous feelings about this outweigh your feelings about being a woman. (I said PERHAPS, not that it does in all cases)

    I'm not totaly deluded into thinking that all the sex I had with men, that all of them realy thought I was a woman, most probably using me to allay and suppress their own feelings of guilt and denial in being gay. But it boosted my female ego and confidence at the time.

    I was just trying to anylise my own thoughts on the subject, never understanding why some would insist they were Gender dysphoric yet always having to back this up by saying they were not gay, but straight and hetrosexual preffering natal born females. Which to me was a conflict of definition.

    My own relationship, seems weird to most people, When we became an item, we were both pre-op, since then I have had surgery. At this moment in time my partner is quite content to remain as she is, If eventually she decides to have surgery
    then we will still be together, I cannot even decipher what I am lol, A lesbian.? Or because of the way we have sex at the moment, Hetro Only to obviously become a lesbian if she does have surgery.

    But in the main, as all the married TS's who remain in a loving relationship will probably tell you, The love bit is the paramount factor, so it is not what your partner is or what you are.

    Happiness and love can just be a cuddle, The what the person is does'nt realy matter its the cuddle that makes you feel good.

    But I digress, Gender dysphoria does not for gay make, if you happen to fancy men.

    Cristine xxXxx

    • 1017 posts
    November 16, 2009 4:18 PM GMT
    Hi Cristine,

    "never understanding why some would insist they were Gender dysphoric yet always having to back this up by saying they were not gay, but straight and hetrosexual preffering natal born females. Which to me was a conflict of definition."

    I think I can address that one. I haven't come out to a lot of folks, but the first few times I told someone I was a tranny their immediate reaction invariably was, "Oh, I always thought you were gay!" After than happens to you a couple of times it becomes a kneejerk reaction to follow "I'm a transvestite" with "but I'm not gay." I certainly never gave as much thought to saying or writing it, as I have after reading this thread...

    I never said anything about natal born females. At one point many years ago I lived with a post-op transsexual. We used to argue about who got to wear the LBD.

    As to your and Cassandra's relationship, it crosses over the boundaries of so many categories, it would be silly to try and fit it in any single one. Glad you found your special person.


    ps, Penny, I didn't see your post as a digression and totally agreed with what you said.
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    • 2358 posts
    November 22, 2009 8:59 PM GMT
    This thread, the responses, the considered and honest well thought out and openess is what make Trannyweb so worthwhile.
    Perhaps some so called gender councellors should read what some of the girls have written. They would get such a genuine insight as to what wonderful people Trannies are. Might I mention it should be compulsory reading for some of the knuckle dragging, biggoted, moronic troglodytes we come accross in everyday life.

    Love you all heaps Cristine xxXxx
    • Moderator
    • 2358 posts
    December 19, 2009 12:02 AM GMT
    What is a practicing homosexual? is that in line with being a learner driver? does one have to pass a test to become a none practicing homosexual? ie, achieving a rating? bit like practicing lawyers and doctors, FFS if I want a doctor or a lawyer, I want one thats acomplished, not practicing, same with some of the men I have known, in the biblical sense, most of which definately needed more practice, lol. Most men go for a pint and a curry afterwards, gays tend to have a bucks fizz and go for a mince in the park. This thread is recommended for newbies, lol

    xxX Obtuse & SarcasticXxx

    Remember the ultimate sadistic act, is when the Sadist says to the masochist ''I AM NOT GOING TO SPANK YOU''
    • Moderator
    • 2358 posts
    February 10, 2010 3:37 PM GMT

    Reading back, we are all agreed, we are not gay men in frocks. regardless of sexual preferences, But as long as the majority see us in that way, how come someone at the BBC was astute enough to seperate gender from sexual orientation, but only after our exclusion had been complained about. Thinking logically, from the BBC's view and Pennys post, it obvious that lots of people regard us as gay, So should'nt we have been included anyway even if other people here want to seperate gender and sexual orientation. Anyway you can still post in the BBC forum, to raise awareness of how we feel about the gay l;abel, might be the only chance you get to educate some. ''I did'nt know you were gay as well, but personally I'm not attracted to effeminate men'' Ever heard that, or as a gay once said to me. ''If I wanted to shag someone in womens underwear I would be going for RG's''


    This post was edited by Cristine Jennifer Shye. BL at June 11, 2016 9:04 AM BST
    • Moderator
    • 2358 posts
    August 16, 2010 7:35 PM BST
    Nice to see this thread still going, some very astute and honest postings. I still maintain the BBC should have incorporated the views of the TS community, as sexual orientation either way is relevant, my explanation, of perceived gay or straight and its connotations and misconceptions.
    • 43 posts
    May 21, 2016 8:58 AM BST

    This post really reminds me of myself because I was always attracted to girls throughout my life (middle school and on) but I dated guys that I felt close to because I felt like I "had to" since it was the "right thing" as a christian. I was from a christian family. The one guy I ended up ever having real feelings and an actual attraction for actually turned out to be a homosexual man. I am a transgender (ftm) but haven't gotten any surgery as of yet. The one guy I liked said he wouldn't date a transman though.. Still, that was the only case I could ever see myself with a guy happily. I like to consider myself a 99% straight male because of him lol.

    This post was edited by Kris McKinley at June 9, 2016 6:36 PM BST
  • June 9, 2016 7:29 PM BST
    I came here because I wanted to read the latest post (Kris, thanks) and I got sucked into the whole entire thread. I'm definitely in Cristine's camp. Labels suck, but they are there so that we can explain things easier at the drop of a dime. If being transgender starts in the mind, if you feel like a woman and are attracted to men, you are straight, and if you feel like a man and are attracted to women, you are straight. Hence, if you feel like a woman and are attracted to women, you're a lesbian, and if you feel like a man and are attracted to men, you are gay. It's the biology and looking at it and working with it that might get one feeling confused, and then throw society's norms in the mix, a dash of religion, and people get even more messed up, feeling confused and guilty! But remember, it all starts in the mind...and there's nothing wrong with being gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, etc! It's natural, normal, and human.

    I'm a mostly straight cisgender woman. I have an ongoing joke that I am 20% lesbian because I love looking at beautiful women's bodies and would much rather pick up a Playboy or Penthouse magazine than a Playgirl--ew, gross! Even when I was an adolescent girl I would look at those magazines and...well...this is embarrassing...but I would you things with myself. I wouldn't be fantasizing about being WITH them...I was fantasizing about BEING them! Strange, I know.

    As far as dating a trans person, male or female, if I weren't married, I would totally be open to dating either sex. I've seen some very good looking trans men, so I'd be in a straight relationship...and perhaps I could explore my lesbian side with a drop dead gorgeous trans woman! (Although honestly, we'd probably end up being friends and not lovers. If only I were 50% lesbian...haha!) The biology--what's pre op or post op wouldn't matter...where there's a will there's a way! And what's wrong with just touching and cuddling? It's all about human contact and connection, anyway, right?

    If my husband were to tell me he's transgender tomorrow, and he wanted to stay with me, I wouldn't hesitate to stay. I'm sure that I would mourn his loss, mourn our sex life, but there's more to life than sex. As a cis woman, I feel that I don't need it, I've gone many year's stretch (at different times) being celibate...and I'm happy having sex with just me myself and I! (Okay now I'm blushing!)

    2 Interesting articles written by trans women,

    The Five Most Common Types of Transsexual Admirers:

    (Edit: the link doesn't show up properly, so do the following) Go to, click on Meeting and Loving a Transgender Woman, then click on The People Attracted to Transsexuals, then click on Transsexual Dating!

    How Society Shames Men Who Date Trans Women & How it Affects Our Lives (VERY INSPIRATIONAL AND A MUST-READ FOR ALL):
    This post was edited by Former Member at June 10, 2016 12:03 AM BST
  • June 10, 2016 12:29 AM BST

    This is the good part of having new members here, that spend the time to read through the forum threads & then find a new perspective offering a different insight to the topic. It can then revive the thread getting other members to re-read & update a previous post.


    My feelings about myself have not changed since joining here, talking to people in the chatrooms (yes that used to be a thing) and forging friendships with people I have been fortunate to meet & they have enriched both of us in the process.  I still know that it is a combination of looks, personality that attract me & it still does not matter if you are pre or post op, female or male. At the end of our lives we all grow old, looks fade but the bond you create through personality, discussions and you cannot help who you end up falling in love with

    • 43 posts
    June 11, 2016 2:57 AM BST

    Lovely GG Lisa - So glad to hear you are enjoying all the posts and so am I lol.As far as your interests go, I've heard that's actually pretty normal to fantasize. In fact, my mom would always try to get me to believe that's why I looked at porn. I just wanted to be the girls in the porn, but of course that was not really the case at all. I'm also glad to hear if you were single, you believe you'd be willing to date trans because as I've said in the past, I've wished for more pansexuals in the world since losing the guy previously mentioned.