Marsha--
I have put a lot thought in on how I wanted to respond. Before going any further, I think we agree in principle that the life you and I live is
not all fun and games. For us, it is a very necessary life-choice.
I suspect what we are and have been discussing may actually be two different topics. You are looking at getting out there, and becoming comfortable with who you are. I am looking at the topic from the perspective of actually living as a woman, not just going out to go out. (If I’m wrong, I know you’ll let me know.) Therefore, on the one hand I don’t want to disagree with you; in a very real sense you are correct, although to a point. Both confidence and “comfort in one’s skin” can very easily be viewed as the same thing.
I just don’t see it that way. Both are very necessary, but both are very different to me.
I go back to what I said before: If you still look and sound like Avery Schreiber (and for those of you who don’t know who that is, look him up), all that confidence and comfort level will do is get you read faster than a comic book. I liken it to the doctor that, instead of putting erythromycin or silver nitrate in a baby’s eyes at birth, grabs a bottle of hydrochloric acid by mistake and blinds the child. He was confident he was doing the right thing, but in reality was not.
So it is in our world, the world of the TS. One should start with confidence if one is ever going to walk out of the house dressed. One should be comfortable in doing so, although many of us when we ventured out into the real world for the first time en femme (myself included) got a real rush from the doing of same. That's not comfort, that’s adrenaline. Comfort level feeds the confidence, which raises the comfort level, which increases the confidence, and so forth.
I have seen the results of misguided confidence. One time I saw a gent in a pink, frilly, Little Bo Peep dress walking down the street. Looked like the above referenced Avery Schreiber in a dress. If it were halloween, it wouldn’t have registered. This was mid-May, however. Did that person care? Probably not. The fact I could read him at 1/10th mile, from the opposite side of a busy four-lane street should be indicative of what I am getting at.
Another story, this out of my own life: Once, more than a few years back, I ran into a “professional drag queen.” She not only read me, but she read me the riot act. Makeup was all wrong. Nails looked awful. Wig looked tacky. Clothing was not femme enough. Jewelry looked like Walmart castoffs. Just raked me up one side and down the other. I slunk out of the coffee shop, and felt pretty bad that evening. The next day I returned to the same little coffee shop where I had been the day prior, and the waitress showed me this gal’s picture. Flawless makeup, beautiful nails, diaphanous gown, really nice jewelry, hair all done up, and so forth. She then looked at me and said, “The difference between the two of you is obvious. She dresses in drag...you’re actually out there, living as a woman. There’s a huge difference, and I wanted to tell you that.”
That’s why I believe as I do. I can’t doubt what I look like, and I sure can’t be afraid to go outside dressed, or I might as well hang it up. I am comfortable in my skin, and I am confident when I am out and about.
Your quote: “Do you beat up on yourself by always doubting your abilities? Or do you say ‘Look out world, whether you’re ready or not here I come.’ But as long as you are not comparing apples to oranges, I think confidence and being comfortable with yourself is one in the same.”
All I am saying--and I will stand by this until I am proven otherwise--is simple. If all you want is to go out somewhere and dress for fun, fine. You
will need both confidence and a certain comfort level. If, on the other hand, you decide you want to live as a woman, you’d better have taken care of business before hand...that includes confidence, comfort in your own skin, and yes, frankly, a little bit of planning and work on your part.
And that’s
all that I’m saying. Living as a woman is not a game, not something that you decide to try on. For me, and I suspect for you, it’s actually a fairly serious thing, not to be undertaken lightly. It doesn’t mean I have it all down pat. It does mean I have worked at a lot of things, and that preparation gives me a certain confidence level. I have learned to be comfortable in my skin, and that feeds my confidence a bit more. I quit caring about what others think about my appearance, and that helps both my confidence and my comfort level.
Do you get the difference in what I am saying? If not, then we will have to agree to disagree. Because the way I feel is that, if all you want is to go girl for a few hours, or a weekend, fine. Get comfortable in your skin, ramp up the ol’ courage, and go have a great time. After all, it’s only for a few hours/an evening/a weekend. Essentially, no harm no foul.
But, if you’re going to
live as a woman then you want to work at blending into society, and that means (to me) blending in with other women--not standing out from them. You have to have a great deal of courage, you’d better be comfortable in your own skin, and you’d better look, talk, and act like a woman or you will stick out. That is the simple, sad truth of the matter, as I know you are well aware of.
As I have said before: I respect you, and I respect your opinions, because we do think much alike. We may not always agree, but we both know that this isn’t something one should undertake lightly or ill-advisedly. In that, we work well together.
Luv ‘n hugs,
Mina