Long time - no see

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  • Hi girls,

    I was pretty unsure where to put this one, but I thought "passing in public" is just fine. If Katie disagrees, she is free to move it wherever it fits best.

    It's been a long time since I wrote something in here. The last time I was active in these forums was back in the days when I saw Jules Jule post a lot in here. (is she still active?) Still, I remember some of the users in here like Laura, who is desperately trying to keep the German forum active. Laura, maybe I'm trying to help you out a bit there.

    Well things have changed a bit. I started studying while still working, so my free-time is pretty limited. I considered myself as being a transvestite and came out to a lot of my friends and parents almost a decade ago. About 3 years ago, me and my girl-friend broke up, since she didn't feel like having a boy-friend rather than someone in between the genders. But, to make things clear - that was not THE reason, more like one among some others, that I felt too and made me too think about if it's smart to keep up the relationship. I totally understood her and we are still more than just good friends. It just didn't work out anymore. Nevertheless, I've enjoyed every bit of those 6 1/2 years.

    So I was on my own again and since I live alone, I started to wear womens' clothes more occasionally. But only in my flat. I was still "in the closet".

    One day (about 2 years ago), I had to go to University on saturday morning (yeah, quite nerve-racking if you ask me *G*) and thought "why not walk out as a girl?". I knew, I was afraid, but I had this sense of "now or never". If I don't get over my fears, I'll maybe regret one day that I never tried to fight them.

    So I was going to University by tram and bus - wearing a misssixty, some 6cm-heels womens shoes, a bra stuffed with socks and a nice pullover over it. That was kinda like the start. From that day on I started wearing womens' clothes in public more frequently until I reached the state, that I only wore men's clothes at work.

    This happend almost 2 years ago. I've learned a lot from that and agree with what many others in the forums say: Walk proud and head up high - and nothing will be as bad as one thinks it might be.

    One thing - which is like the essence of it all - is, that you are not as important, as you might think you are. Not everyone will look at you or even notices you. They are busy with other things. It's not like you walk into a supermarket, everyone freezes, looks at you and the only noise you hear is this grassball that is going from left to right. It's more like some of them might notice you, but won't say anything most of the time.

    Passing - and that's the point where I made the decision to post it in here - is something you have to define for yourself. If you're still male (no hormones, just plain clothes and some make-up) it's hard to appear so convincing that no one might even think that you're male. But the way you act with them or the way you present yourself makes it easier to "blend in".

    I don't wear supersexy stuff. I would consider my looks as feminine but not in a way that screams out loud "Look at me! I'm beautiful!". I don't need to wear a skirt or a dress to feel feminine or to create the illusion that I was feminine. I tend to dress myself as any other ordinary woman. The only condition is, that I need to feel good in what I wear.
    Thus, people don't feel the need to look at me, or don't even see, what my true gender is. Not because I appear convincing enough but more because I look too normal to be reckoned.

    I made a suggestion that estimated 50% don't even notice me. 25% are too much of a coward to say something or just look away. And about 25% notice me and give some sort of a reaction. This can be just girlish giggle, a shout like "Look, there's a fag" and in the worst of all cases you're insulted and being spit at. But I experienced only two situations in which that happened and I pitty those, because it was so clear that they tried to compensate their own problems with that - and failed. I laughed about them.

    I got a first look on how to put on make-up and I gotta say, even if I know a bit more now, the result may be better than before, but it sure isn't convincing.

    But it's easy for me to go out in public as Andrea. Sure, there still is this little feeling of fear but the more you are happy with yourself and show your "weakness" in public so obvious for everyone to see, it's getting hard for those who want to hurt you. Make your weakness your strength.

    My friends are still with me. Not a single one turned his/her back on me. My parents support me still and I'm having my first appointments at a psychotherapist who is supposed to help me find which way I want to go. (Emphasis on "I". I don't want others decide upon my life)

    So here I am now. More Andrea than ever before and maybe starting to take hormones in a few months - or not. Wherever my feelings will drag me.

    To make a long story short: Try to pass. Not by overdressing in order to be REALLY feminine. Stay yourself. Feel good in what you wear. Even if that means sneakers and just a pair of jeans. Passing is about how you feel - not how you look.

    P.S.: If I did some mistakes like tenses, wrong words, spelling...don't blame me. *G*
    Hugs, Andrea
      July 9, 2007 5:42 PM BST
  • Hi Andrea, I don't think we ever met but you are absolutely right about passing, it is not about looks, it is about how you present yourself. The public are not interested and those that see me, see a TS, not a GG but not a guy in a dress either. Most of my clothes are everyday stuff (including trainers) and I model myself on my GG friends to blend it, it works for me, I have yet to have any real problems.

    Welcome back Andrea, hopefully we'll meet in chat sometime.

    Every woman is beautiful, some show it with their faces, others show it with their hearts.
      July 9, 2007 7:08 PM BST
  • Very nice post, Fraulein Krieger. It's just the kind of support that girls "on the brink" need. I gave it a "recommend".
    "A live lived in fear is a life half-lived." - Native American proverb. "Inside every man is a woman who was drowned in testosterone before birth". - Wendy Jeanette Larsen "It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not." - Andre Gide (French writer)
      July 10, 2007 10:28 AM BST
  • Hi Girls,

    first of all, I didn't expect that much feedback.

    What I wrote is what I experienced and noticed since Andrea went public.
    Now, what everyone should understand is, that my situation is not as complicated as it is for others. My parents support me, my friends accept me and I don't feel any pressure in the University to dress otherwise. I'm treated just as any other student is treated.

    Others might not be as lucky as that. So my views are not meant as a call to all other girls to just try it. It took a lot of time to come where I am now and this process is pretty normal in my opinion. So don't follow my example word by word. Just take out of it, what you think is worth it.

    Just wanted to get this off my chest.

    I remember you and you're still active around here. Nice to see some familiar faces around.

    I could've bet you'd be answering here. Since you are German just as I am.

    I guess, I'll be visiting the chat in the next few days. Hope to see some of you then.
    Hugs, Andrea
      July 10, 2007 5:58 PM BST
  • Hi Andrea, great post honey i am sure it will inspire more girls to try and step out, the RG on the street look has to be the best if you want to blend in and not be noticed too much, as for me i have only managed to get out once and it was a great feeling but i only went from my door to the car and then to my sisters door from the car so dont think that really counts as being out. you just have to take it at your own pace and feal comfotable with yourself before you get properly out and about. As you said the big problem is getting over the feer of the unknown and realising that not everyone will care or even see you let alone say or do anything and of course having plenty of confidence is a must. now the theory just have to put it into practice now lol.

      July 10, 2007 7:49 PM BST
  • Hi Andrea, I remember you from days of old!
    Julie Jules hasn’t been seen here for a long time, as far as I am aware.
    It’s nice to see you “moving along”. I’m not here to try to push others into coming out or transitioning or whatever either, but I have to echo your comments about it not being as impossible as many seem to think, or even insist. We give ourselves all these “reasons” why we can’t do it; people will hate us, ridicule us, our friends and family will disown us, we will never pass…
    The “reasons” are really excuses for our own fear. If we can overcome that there are no reasons not to be ourselves. How do we overcome our own fear? I dunno, I can’t remember how I did it, but first you have to admit that that’s what it is. Then just try going out, perhaps to a tranny friendly place, or like you did Andrea just to somewhere you might feel reasonably safe, and start interacting as your true self. You might be amazed at what you discover about yourself and the inner strength that this gives you. I think that’s what happened with me. An impossible wall of dominoes, or so it seemed, when all that was really needed was one little push, and down tumbled the wall.
    Now I’m free, and happy.
    Welcome back, Andrea.
      July 11, 2007 1:42 AM BST
  • Hello all, i'm new here and i'm just getting adjusted to the site. I couldn't help but notice the last poster mentioned Julie. I know her and she is still about, for anyone who is intrested she is having her operation in October. If its ok can i tell her Andrea asked after her, many thanks Gilli
      July 11, 2007 10:31 AM BST
  • Of course you can tell her Andrea asked about her Gillian, and also wish her all the best in October from TW.

    Every woman is beautiful, some show it with their faces, others show it with their hearts.
      July 11, 2007 11:30 AM BST
  • Hi Gillian. Please wish Julie the best of luck from me, and tell her that Lucy is having her SRS around the same time!
    Oh, and welcome to the site!
      July 11, 2007 12:05 PM BST