And let's just say for a moment you haven't passed

    • 448 posts
    November 6, 2007 2:40 PM GMT
    at least in the eye's of some. You've been spotted and they stare at you, non-stop, they just keep staring. Do you ignore them, do you confront them? And what do you do if they abuse you verbally, maybe even physically. Do you retaliate? What if there's more than one of them. Do you make haste, do you retain your lady-like poise. Would you approach a policeman. And if you did what would you say?
    • 773 posts
    November 6, 2007 3:31 PM GMT
    We had a similar discussion over dinner one night with our friend Kelly, who is terribly self conscious. Anna crystalized the idea by saying "you just have to adopt a 'don't give a f***' attitude."

    And it's true. The only way to conquer fear is to confront it. Many's the time I've been on my way into an auto parts store, gas station or similar establishment, and been terribly concerned about how people might react, but upon taking a deep breath and walking into the place with confidence, looking the person behind the counter in the eye and saying "good morning," I have been surprised at the almost universally positive reaction I get.

    Does it happen sometimes, the stares, the comments, the giggles? Sure it does, but really, the people who do that are the same people who would be likely to find something to laugh about no matter your appearance. If confronted face to face with it, my response is usually to look them in the eye and say "whatever." People only derive satisfaction from their derision if you show that it affects you.

    We just have to follw Anna's sage advice and demonstrate that we don't give a f***!
    • 871 posts
    November 6, 2007 4:28 PM GMT
    I have a little story...

    Whilst in Manchester I was short of cash. I had to venture out of the Canal Street Area to a cash machine. It was busy on a Saturday night and stood in the queue for a good 10 minutes. Everyone around took a look sooner or later. I'm a tall bird so i get looked at. I dont mind if people clock me, I just want to be accepted as me. no one said anything other than polite queue stuff. It was more than acceptable but still, I was a bit nervous.

    However, when it was my turn to use the machine 3 yobs swiftly walked up and attempted to jump the queue. As 1 yob got to the machine he looked at me and kinda paused. I was having none of this and before he could react I jumped infront of him and stuck my card in. I lent against the wall with my back to him and got on with getting my cash out.

    behind me I quite clearly heard him say to his mates at the top of his voice and to the whole street "Bloody Hell! Thats a bloke! I was going to say something else!" (implying he was going to say something lewd or sexist). I kept my head down and got on with getting my cash out. To my amusement, and quite ironically, everyone in the vacinity started having a go at these yobs for trying to jump the queue. Once I got my cash I quietly slipped away, with haste, and big a big grin on my face because I could still here the disapporving rebuke continuing until out of ear shot.

    This is another instance that proves to me that the majority of society is more than accepting of our type and it is just a very small group of narrow minded idiots that cause us trouble. However, I am not sure if these yobs were going to cause me trouble, I think his initial reaction was more pure unexpected shock! lol If no one else was around this situation might have ended up differently for me but gladly this is something I will never find out.

    This memory still makes me smile, every one gets what they deserve!

  • November 6, 2007 8:33 PM GMT

    I have just recently come back from Manchester and stayed at the Rembrandt on Canal Street, Manchester. I arrived on Thursday before lunch, parked the car and went for a walk in Piccadilly as I couldn't book into the hotel until after 2pm.

    I went into a cafe/bar and had something to eat. That evening I went to an Italian restaurant on canal Street. The next day I got a taxi to M&S on Market Street and started shopping! I walked around the shops and up and down Market Street all day, browsing and buying a few things (I had an M&S £15 voucher) and had a really nice time. That evening I went to another restaurant near the hotel that was also a gay bar.

    I really didn't have any confrontational problems both days. As you say, some people stared sometimes but I tend to look straight ahead into the middle distance at something interesting or as I wear highish heels I concentrate on the path where I am walking. Once a young man came up to one side of me and said "Excuse me but where do get your hair done?" I completely ignored him and walked on. He didn't pursue the matter! I was well treated and welcomed in the shops and cafes and restaurants. Remember apart from passing the time of day and saying please and thank you, you do not need to be drawn into any sort of conversation with them unless you sense that they are genuinely friendly.

    I am very sensitive to how people treat me and talk to me. After all I am a woman and I try to be feminine and well behaved as much as I can and not react. Instead I try to go to places that will respect me whatever I am. As you say some people just need to have a laugh at something - human, fish or fowl. They were the bullies at school, the ones that could not be bothered to learn anything, the ones who think the world owes them a living.

    Most policemen these days have had some sort of training about how to deal with gender related social problems so just appeal to them - if you can find one! They cannot ignore and appeal for help from a member of the public. It's their duty.

    Take care all of you.

    LoL, Janyce, xx
    • 773 posts
    November 7, 2007 4:39 AM GMT
    What on earth can you get at M&S for 15 quid?
  • March 21, 2008 9:46 PM GMT
    HI All,
    My experiences must be somewhat sheltered here in Northern California, because I've never
    had any problems when I'm out as Michelle. Whether shopping, at the bank, post office or
    dinner out, I've been treated nicely. I've only had 1 ggirl give me a look of disapproval in a parking
    lot at a restaurant and a comment of "now I've seen everything" from an elderly couple walking into a store
    as I was exiting.

    In each case, ignoring the reaction was my approach. After all, I'm who I am and that person is only in my life
    for but a few seconds. Finally , I try to avoid situations that a ggirl would feel uncomfortable with as well.


    • 67 posts
    March 22, 2008 2:07 PM GMT

    10 pairs of knickers and lots of chocolate !!!! hee hee!!

    vikki xx
    • 404 posts
    March 22, 2008 8:32 PM GMT
    well.....a couple of teeny girls riding behind me on the escalator down to the food hall on Thursday had a giggle over me but that was all and I can live with that.

    Lynn H.
    • 404 posts
    May 21, 2008 7:34 PM BST
    It's an odd situation in a way.We spend years in the closet wasting energy on growing a thick skin and outwardly denying anything and everything that even vaguely hints of TG/TV/TS/CD or whatever.Then,to borrow Vicky Lee's analogy,we can't keep the beachball under water any more,we out ourselves and, surprisingly often,the immediate,family and friends,world doesn't bite.So we shed our thick skin, revel in the new freedom, the release of energy which can be used for more sensible ends, and we start to develop our newly accepted side. We become bolder,more adventurous,only to discover that, in the big wide world by the harsh light of day, we have to start thickening our skin again................and,if we are not completely at one with our new selves, those insults can really hurt. Possibly more than the fists,kicks,or baseball bats.
    I've said somewhere else that , whilst I don't know how far I actually 'pass', I at least seem to get away with it with a minimum of hassle:- now and then a couple of giggling schoolgirls or,just the other week, a couple of turks/arabs/russians who were probably being just as offensive to passing GGs as well. Typically foul-mouthed yobs who think they are soooo cool and witty.
    If only I could come up with instant,witty,put-downs........

    C'est la vie,mesdames!

    Lynn H.

  • June 4, 2008 6:09 AM BST
    As I get near the end of my transitional journey I still get the odd second glance. It doesn't bother me now at all. I'm sure I make second glances at lots of other people, be they male or female. It's a long time since I was verbally abused and I believe that some of this comes because I appear confident with being out in public.

    I've recently joined an organisation that deals with homophobia/homophobic crime and I'm on that as a community representative for the transgendered. Transphobia/transphobic crime is currently lumped in with homophobic crime but the local police are willing to separate the figures for me.

    • 404 posts
    June 23, 2008 6:38 PM BST
    One thing to bear in mind is that,for the most part,people like to be reasonably sure of themselves before they open their mouths.This is understandable since no-one likes their insults rebounding on them- it's embarrassing.....Unless they're fairly drunk,that is.What I have noticed over the years is that,by and large,If anyone is going to make stupid remarks about me,they now wait until I'm about 100metres further down the street................I must be getting better!
    Perhaps this could be refined to give a 'passing scale'- are you a
    5,10,50,100 metres T-girl..........??
    Now,was that a genuine or a 'that's a tranny' wolf-whistle I just heard?

    Lynn H.
    • 89 posts
    June 25, 2008 10:12 PM BST
    I have had a few comments and a few double takes when as a girl but only been attacked once and that was when i was a guy. This guy made a comment in front of me about trans people being freaks and all of them should be killed. I turn to him and said i was trans and would he want me killed. He said yes. My respone was to get up and walk out of the door. Gave him 5mins came back in and asked if he was to scared of a poor little tranny to step outside. He swang for me and ended up leaving the building with my boot up his arse and being told not to come back by the barman. Now i know i shouldn't had provoked him or even said i was a tranny but everybody else in the room knew so I figured it was better to say something then to let 1 of them slip it out. When I sai I had no plan on getting into a fight with him. But I guess you do act differently when your life is threaten. My normal respone is go forth and multiply.
    • 16 posts
    July 14, 2008 8:10 PM BST
    I belong to Tri-Ess, which is one of the larger TG groups in the USA. Twice a year we invite the various Police to come, visit, and give a talk at our local meetings. We also do out-reach to various Police, Fire, and Civil groups on TG subject. We have always been treated with respect by these professionals. One thing that the Police told us was, if we get stopped while driving to

    1. Have our DL, Registration, and Insurance cards ready.
    2. Tell the officer right up front that you are a CDer. - I know this hard to do but it shows your not trying to hide your Identy.
    3. Answer all his/her questions as truthfully as possible.
    4. Only get out of your car, only when instructed to.

    I once had a GG stare at me at my Nail Salon. Guess she never saw a guy having a pedicure and toe nail polish. I caught her eye and smiled big at her. She smiled back, blushed a little cause I caught her staring I guess, then paid me no more attention.

    When I go out dressed, I try and follow these rules

    1. Dress to blend in
    2. Act like you belong where you are at.
    3. Act like you have done this all your life
    4. Smile at anyone that looks at you.

    • 2573 posts
    November 7, 2007 5:32 AM GMT
    Remember, sometimes giggles and laughter are an expression of anxiety over an uncomfortable situation. Teenagers are particularly susceptible to this behavior. Most humor utilizes this trigger. They are not necessarily laughing at you but at the situation they have no experience dealing with. If they have any is the media always treating a cross-dressed individual as a focus of laughter. No wonder people respond with conditioned laughter. It's only the jerks who are laughing at YOU. That kind of laughter generally is forced with malicious intent and easily recognizable. It's already been pointed out what kind of people these are.
    • 2017 posts
    November 7, 2007 8:21 AM GMT
    Pass? I don't pass and I never will but as robyn says, I don't give a damn either! It is attitude that will get you through a situation, not appearance. I have always been a very confident person and am always concious about body language and how you carry yourself. Look like a target and you will become one sooner or later.

    Learn how to deal with confrontation, both verbally and physically, and it will give you the confidence you need. The people that carry out these attacks are a small (and always of low intelligence) minority, everyday people will not react that way and in fact are often quite the opposite.

  • March 21, 2008 3:22 PM GMT
    To avoid any trouble with harassment and with unsympathetic/bigotted police just call the local police station and ask them to send you a HATE CRIME pack which is a small colourful folder with details of how to report an incident and if one happens all you have to do is call Crimestoppers and say that you are a TS and are being hassled and need some help and when the police arrive show them the Hate Crime pack because its quite likely they might now have seen one and tell them that they have to protect you. If they fail to do their job properly write to the local Chief of Police and your MP to get the matter sorted.
    Simple and easy. I've had to call my local police to yobs and they were arrested on the spot, whipped off for a few hours in the cells and fined. So now they just give me the evil eye.

    • 2068 posts
    March 21, 2008 11:41 PM GMT
    Rose, i've had no end of run-ins where i live & had threats of violence towards me. But on the occasions i have needed to call on the police, they have dealt with my case in a prompt, polite & courteous manner. Even when they've came to my home to take statements, they really could not have been any better.

    So i guess what i'm saying is that whilst there are a few " bad eggs", the majority of the police are a decent enough lot....Credit where it's due.

    Lol xxxxxxxxxx
    • 2017 posts
    March 22, 2008 8:43 PM GMT
    Teenagers usually have a giggle, they just don't know how to react because they probably haven't seen a Tgirl before. Let's face it, if someone passes that well, she will be seen as a woman.

    As for the rest, ignore anyone who wants to have a laugh at your expense, don't rise to the bait, as hard as that can be. It depends on where you go I guess as to whether you are likely to be targeted so be aware of that and keep yourself safe. Think like a GG! Stay with someone when possible. People are more likely to have a go at you if you are on your own.........typical bully tactics.


    • 734 posts
    June 24, 2008 1:14 AM BST
    mmmm. I think I might be at the 50m level. But I also think I'm getting a bit deaf...

    Rae xxx
  • August 11, 2012 8:06 AM BST
    Well its been over three years since anyone has commented on this so I will try to get some of the new girls to share (I would like to hear from some of the younger girls to see if any thing is changing).
    I too am not under the illusion that I pass and i guess that in itself is a defense mechanism.
    I go about my life with my head held high, I say hi to people, smile and try to be as approachable as I can, always being a where that I can be just a moment away from a bad situation.

    I have suffered my share of snickers, stares and rude comments, but have also had the benefit of positive reactions which I hold in reserve as a buffer against the not so wonderful experiences.

    We can't be beaten by the negative unless allow these them to.

    Be positive in your interactions of life, for those are the ones that will drive us to be accepted by the public at large

    Smile and be a good ambassador for our nation

    Luv KariAnne
  • November 22, 2012 11:34 PM GMT

    Passing does'nt bother me any more. I'm 3 years post op  6 ' tall 200 Lbs  so I dont get any harasment , I think trans are more accepted in the UK. I visited my daughter in Abbotsford BC Canada (A religious town) got stared at quit a bit but no problems. I lived in Vancouver for 37 yrs before my transition I'm haveing second thoughts about moveing back we have more rights here in the UK.Hold your head high be proud Were Trans!!

    • 2 posts
    December 26, 2012 9:09 PM GMT
    To be honest, if somebody makes me, I don't care. I've never been confronted, and I've been in some VERY busy places. If they don't get it, that's not my problem. I'll do my part, I will try not to stand out, they can do their part and leave me the hell alone. They don't go up to fat women and tell them to diet, why should they come up to me?

    I hope I never do get approached, because I'm a goalkeeper, and I can kick a football 60 yards up a pitch; I wouldn't want to see how far I can get smaller balls....

  • January 17, 2013 8:20 PM GMT
    It has been my experience that most ladies get read for one of two reasons: First is being wildly overdressed for whatever occasion (heels at the market for example) and the other through awkward mannerisms. Most people today are too busy with their own lives to notice unless you give them reason to.
    • 1 posts
    June 6, 2013 12:56 AM BST

    As a young CD I haven't had many of the experiences that anyone else has but while on a night out recently with a very close and supportive G-girl friend of mine I had a few unpleasant comments on my way down the street, I tried to ignore this but they kept at it all the way but luckily for me a lovely young man approached them and said: "How would you like it if I followed you down the street making comments about you?" which quickly sent them scampering. He then came over and said: "Are you ladies okay? They didn't say anything too bad did they?" With which I couldn't supress a smile

    You never know, even if you don't pass there may be someone supportive nearby


    Amanda xxx 

    • 0 posts
    June 6, 2013 9:41 AM BST

    I love this, it is me exactly to a T.

    My vision may be limited or blocked psychologically but I identify as a transsexual.

    I won't be blathering all over the GS website that I am a woman.

    Not yet anyway. lol



    Deborah Taylor said:
    To be honest, if somebody makes me, I don't care. I've never been confronted, and I've been in some VERY busy places. If they don't get it, that's not my problem. I'll do my part, I will try not to stand out, they can do their part and leave me the hell alone. They don't go up to fat women and tell them to diet, why should they come up to me? I hope I never do get approached, because I'm a goalkeeper, and I can kick a football 60 yards up a pitch; I wouldn't want to see how far I can get smaller balls.... Debbie