It's an odd situation in a way.We spend years in the closet wasting energy on growing a thick skin and outwardly denying anything and everything that even vaguely hints of TG/TV/TS/CD or whatever.Then,to borrow Vicky Lee's analogy,we can't keep the beachball under water any more,we out ourselves and, surprisingly often,the immediate,family and friends,world doesn't bite.So we shed our thick skin, revel in the new freedom, the release of energy which can be used for more sensible ends, and we start to develop our newly accepted side. We become bolder,more adventurous,only to discover that, in the big wide world by the harsh light of day, we have to start thickening our skin again................and,if we are not completely at one with our new selves, those insults can really hurt. Possibly more than the fists,kicks,or baseball bats.
I've said somewhere else that , whilst I don't know how far I actually 'pass', I at least seem to get away with it with a minimum of hassle:- now and then a couple of giggling schoolgirls or,just the other week, a couple of turks/arabs/russians who were probably being just as offensive to passing GGs as well. Typically foul-mouthed yobs who think they are soooo cool and witty.
If only I could come up with instant,witty,put-downs........
C'est la vie,mesdames!
Ciao
Lynn H.
As I get near the end of my transitional journey I still get the odd second glance. It doesn't bother me now at all. I'm sure I make second glances at lots of other people, be they male or female. It's a long time since I was verbally abused and I believe that some of this comes because I appear confident with being out in public.
I've recently joined an organisation that deals with homophobia/homophobic crime and I'm on that as a community representative for the transgendered. Transphobia/transphobic crime is currently lumped in with homophobic crime but the local police are willing to separate the figures for me.
Alina
June 23, 2008 6:38 PM BST
One thing to bear in mind is that,for the most part,people like to be reasonably sure of themselves before they open their mouths.This is understandable since no-one likes their insults rebounding on them- it's embarrassing.....Unless they're fairly drunk,that is.What I have noticed over the years is that,by and large,If anyone is going to make stupid remarks about me,they now wait until I'm about 100metres further down the street................I must be getting better!
Perhaps this could be refined to give a 'passing scale'- are you a
5,10,50,100 metres T-girl..........??
Now,was that a genuine or a 'that's a tranny' wolf-whistle I just heard?
Ciao
Lynn H.
June 25, 2008 10:12 PM BST
I have had a few comments and a few double takes when as a girl but only been attacked once and that was when i was a guy. This guy made a comment in front of me about trans people being freaks and all of them should be killed. I turn to him and said i was trans and would he want me killed. He said yes. My respone was to get up and walk out of the door. Gave him 5mins came back in and asked if he was to scared of a poor little tranny to step outside. He swang for me and ended up leaving the building with my boot up his arse and being told not to come back by the barman. Now i know i shouldn't had provoked him or even said i was a tranny but everybody else in the room knew so I figured it was better to say something then to let 1 of them slip it out. When I sai I had no plan on getting into a fight with him. But I guess you do act differently when your life is threaten. My normal respone is go forth and multiply.
July 14, 2008 8:10 PM BST
I belong to Tri-Ess, which is one of the larger TG groups in the USA. Twice a year we invite the various Police to come, visit, and give a talk at our local meetings. We also do out-reach to various Police, Fire, and Civil groups on TG subject. We have always been treated with respect by these professionals. One thing that the Police told us was, if we get stopped while driving to
1. Have our DL, Registration, and Insurance cards ready.
2. Tell the officer right up front that you are a CDer. - I know this hard to do but it shows your not trying to hide your Identy.
3. Answer all his/her questions as truthfully as possible.
4. Only get out of your car, only when instructed to.
I once had a GG stare at me at my Nail Salon. Guess she never saw a guy having a pedicure and toe nail polish. I caught her eye and smiled big at her. She smiled back, blushed a little cause I caught her staring I guess, then paid me no more attention.
When I go out dressed, I try and follow these rules
1. Dress to blend in
2. Act like you belong where you are at.
3. Act like you have done this all your life
4. Smile at anyone that looks at you.
November 7, 2007 5:32 AM GMT
Remember, sometimes giggles and laughter are an expression of anxiety over an uncomfortable situation. Teenagers are particularly susceptible to this behavior. Most humor utilizes this trigger. They are not necessarily laughing at you but at the situation they have no experience dealing with. If they have any experience...it is the media always treating a cross-dressed individual as a focus of laughter. No wonder people respond with conditioned laughter. It's only the jerks who are laughing at YOU. That kind of laughter generally is forced with malicious intent and easily recognizable. It's already been pointed out what kind of people these are.
November 7, 2007 8:21 AM GMT
Pass? I don't pass and I never will but as robyn says, I don't give a damn either! It is attitude that will get you through a situation, not appearance. I have always been a very confident person and am always concious about body language and how you carry yourself. Look like a target and you will become one sooner or later.
Learn how to deal with confrontation, both verbally and physically, and it will give you the confidence you need. The people that carry out these attacks are a small (and always of low intelligence) minority, everyday people will not react that way and in fact are often quite the opposite.
Nikki
March 21, 2008 3:22 PM GMT
To avoid any trouble with harassment and with unsympathetic/bigotted police just call the local police station and ask them to send you a HATE CRIME pack which is a small colourful folder with details of how to report an incident and if one happens all you have to do is call Crimestoppers and say that you are a TS and are being hassled and need some help and when the police arrive show them the Hate Crime pack because its quite likely they might now have seen one and tell them that they have to protect you. If they fail to do their job properly write to the local Chief of Police and your MP to get the matter sorted.
Simple and easy. I've had to call my local police to yobs and they were arrested on the spot, whipped off for a few hours in the cells and fined. So now they just give me the evil eye.
March 21, 2008 11:41 PM GMT
Rose, i've had no end of run-ins where i live & had threats of violence towards me. But on the occasions i have needed to call on the police, they have dealt with my case in a prompt, polite & courteous manner. Even when they've came to my home to take statements, they really could not have been any better.
So i guess what i'm saying is that whilst there are a few " bad eggs", the majority of the police are a decent enough lot....Credit where it's due.
Lol xxxxxxxxxx
Anna-Marie
March 22, 2008 8:43 PM GMT
Teenagers usually have a giggle, they just don't know how to react because they probably haven't seen a Tgirl before. Let's face it, if someone passes that well, she will be seen as a woman.
As for the rest, ignore anyone who wants to have a laugh at your expense, don't rise to the bait, as hard as that can be. It depends on where you go I guess as to whether you are likely to be targeted so be aware of that and keep yourself safe. Think like a GG! Stay with someone when possible. People are more likely to have a go at you if you are on your own.........typical bully tactics.
Nikki
June 24, 2008 1:14 AM BST
mmmm. I think I might be at the 50m level. But I also think I'm getting a bit deaf...
Rae xxx
August 11, 2012 8:06 AM BST
Well its been over three years since anyone has commented on this so I will try to get some of the new girls to share (I would like to hear from some of the younger girls to see if any thing is changing).
I too am not under the illusion that I pass and i guess that in itself is a defense mechanism.
I go about my life with my head held high, I say hi to people, smile and try to be as approachable as I can, always being a where that I can be just a moment away from a bad situation.
I have suffered my share of snickers, stares and rude comments, but have also had the benefit of positive reactions which I hold in reserve as a buffer against the not so wonderful experiences.
We can't be beaten by the negative unless allow these them to.
Be positive in your interactions of life, for those are the ones that will drive us to be accepted by the public at large
Smile and be a good ambassador for our nation
Luv KariAnne
November 22, 2012 11:34 PM GMT
Passing does'nt bother me any more. I'm 3 years post op 6 ' tall 200 Lbs so I dont get any harasment , I think trans are more accepted in the UK. I visited my daughter in Abbotsford BC Canada (A religious town) got stared at quit a bit but no problems. I lived in Vancouver for 37 yrs before my transition I'm haveing second thoughts about moveing back we have more rights here in the UK.Hold your head high be proud Were Trans!!
December 26, 2012 9:09 PM GMT
To be honest, if somebody makes me, I don't care. I've never been confronted, and I've been in some VERY busy places. If they don't get it, that's not my problem. I'll do my part, I will try not to stand out, they can do their part and leave me the hell alone. They don't go up to fat women and tell them to diet, why should they come up to me?
I hope I never do get approached, because I'm a goalkeeper, and I can kick a football 60 yards up a pitch; I wouldn't want to see how far I can get smaller balls....
Debbie
January 17, 2013 8:20 PM GMT
It has been my experience that most ladies get read for one of two reasons: First is being wildly overdressed for whatever occasion (heels at the market for example) and the other through awkward mannerisms. Most people today are too busy with their own lives to notice unless you give them reason to.
June 6, 2013 12:56 AM BST
As a young CD I haven't had many of the experiences that anyone else has but while on a night out recently with a very close and supportive G-girl friend of mine I had a few unpleasant comments on my way down the street, I tried to ignore this but they kept at it all the way but luckily for me a lovely young man approached them and said: "How would you like it if I followed you down the street making comments about you?" which quickly sent them scampering. He then came over and said: "Are you ladies okay? They didn't say anything too bad did they?" With which I couldn't supress a smile
You never know, even if you don't pass there may be someone supportive nearby
LoL
Amanda xxx
I love this, it is me exactly to a T.
My vision may be limited or blocked psychologically but I identify as a transsexual.
I won't be blathering all over the GS website that I am a woman.
Not yet anyway. lol
^*_*^
Deborah Taylor said:
To be honest, if somebody makes me, I don't care. I've never been confronted, and I've been in some VERY busy places. If they don't get it, that's not my problem. I'll do my part, I will try not to stand out, they can do their part and leave me the hell alone. They don't go up to fat women and tell them to diet, why should they come up to me? I hope I never do get approached, because I'm a goalkeeper, and I can kick a football 60 yards up a pitch; I wouldn't want to see how far I can get smaller balls.... Debbie