Hi again!
This is a post I'm putting up on Sakuramina.com. Normally, I'd link to it--but decided to post it here as well. I have my flameproof panties and bra on today, just in case.
Luv 'n hugs,
Mina
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On The Question of SRS and/or Passing
Many articles start as questions from Trannyweb. This is one of those, and as usual, I wanted to expand on the topic here rather than there.
There has been a thread discussing SRS and passing, as if one goes hand in hand with the other. Some say yes, some say no. There have been psychologists discussing this question, and one said that ”…for many transsexuals, it was as important to be able to pass on the street than to have SRS.”
Let’s start with the concept of passing. A few years back, I wrote an article on the topic. (It can be found
here.) I said at the time that
“Passing is not the all in all. Passing is a goal, not a solution.” My original thoughts on this have not changed; far too often we look at passing as the ultimate goal, and that a lot of our problems will be solved if we could only attain the ability to pass as a genetic girl.
I also want to go on record that you need to do all you can to pass. Shaving, walk, mannerisms, tucking, vocal work, and everything else has got to be done, and done well. If you don’t, won’t, or can’t, you will get read like a cheap romance novel and that is not A Good Thing. (In fact, it can get you seriously hurt or potentially in trouble with the law.)
“Passing is not a solution. To some, they feel that ‘If I could just pass, then I'd be in.’ `Taint so, luvs. Passing is more than just a look or sound. It is a state of being. (In short: it's almost a zen concept.)” This is also still true. You will still have to work, pay the bills, take out the trash, and do the dishes whether or not you can pass. You won’t suddenly find life a bed of roses, a magic bank account that never empties, and Prince Charming waiting for you. Life will go on, regardless if you pass or not.
I still maintain that your attitude needs to be a key focus. You must have the attitude of a woman; if you have the attitude that you are a man in a blouse, skirt and pumps you are asking for trouble. “Develop the femme attitude, and you will go far.”
My thoughts on this have not changed. In fact, I’m more convinced of this than ever before.
About SRS: many of the same thoughts about passing can go here. You will still have to work, pay the bills, take out the trash, and do the dishes whether or not you’ve undergone SRS. You won’t suddenly find life all a fairy tale, with Prince Charming waiting on you. Life will go on.
My point here is this: given the choice, I’d rather work at passing! Why?
Honey, that’s easy. If I can live like a woman, pass for one 95-99% of the time (let’s be blunt: you will not able to pass everyone’s “test”, no matter how good you are unless you have SRS), and not get hassled too much about it, why undergo a procedure that requires years of therapy, a one-year “real life experience”, and at least $35,000 to $50,000 for the surgery itself? Bear in mind that does not include laser hair removal, cost of hormones, voice training and/or vocal surgery which may/may not work, and a few things I am missing, I am sure. The sole difference is now all my legal ID can say female, I can use a ladies restroom without fear, wear makeup all day, and nobody will care what my hair looks like except me.
But, you’ll still have to have a woman’s attitude.
All that has changed is the outside packaging! Since that is the case, I prefer to work at everything
as if I were undergoing a real life experience, without spending the money for the surgery.
All that means is that I have to pass as a woman, and do it every day for the rest of my life. Which I can—and do.
But, darlings, I have had to work hard at it. It just does not come that easily. I don’t just have to think like Mina, I have to
be Mina. I have to walk, talk, think, look, and carry myself like a genetic woman, SRS or not. That also means I have to have the attitude of femininity, of womanhood.
In short…you have to live it. And if you can’t—or won’t—live it now, you simply won’t be able to carry it off later. It’s like music, sports, or anything else: you have to work at perfecting it—and I mean really work at it, not just on weekends but daily—to carry it off.
I hate to sound so pessimistic, but it is the cold, hard, truth: I didn’t get to be where I am by playing games. I have had to work my cute little fanny off at this. You will too. I’d be willing to bet (if I had money), that everyone that’s undergone SRS has had to work at it, too.
My question is, if you
haven't started working at it...
when will you?