>> Carol, I've spelt it out briefly @ May 12, 2013 2:48 AM EST   

You should really get 'on trend' lol           

Carol Uren (Site Moderator) said:

Chalice is arguing for something different, what I don't know as she will not spell it out, despite being asked on many occasions.

 

This post was edited by Former Member at May 11, 2013 6:43 PM BST

Traci, you are still lumping cross hormone therapy with the RLE - it isn't they are two distinct entities (and you answered before I had managed to finish my edit ).  For me personally I would argue for hormones and electrolysis as a definite need prior to transition, but only under medical supervision - but no surgery until the person has done the RLE.

Carol, I could align my ducks with that, however, there is much more available prior to RLE than just hormones and laser hair removal.

 

Carol Uren (Site Moderator) said:

Traci, you are still lumping cross hormone therapy with the RLE - it isn't they are two distinct entities (and you answered before I had managed to finish my edit ).  For me personally I would argue for hormones and electrolysis as a definite need prior to transition, but only under medical supervision - but no surgery until the person has done the RLE.

 

This post was edited by Former Member at May 11, 2013 7:10 PM BST

I'm backing out of this discussion...(smile)

Ciao~

Traci xoxo

Well yeah! Haven't we done enough?

Ideas need time to steep! lol

Traci Lee O'Gara said:

I'm backing out of this discussion...(smile)

Ciao~

Traci xoxo

 

This post was edited by Former Member at May 11, 2013 7:15 PM BST

I'm basically a thread killer Chalice! LOL

xoxo

got some of that minoxidol from boots today got there own brand in spray form .. will start to use

it was £20 for a months worth and to be used 2x daily

and your not kidding that "laser comb by Hair Max" thing is expensive will have to save up a little for that wish i had the money

Good for you Rebecca!  I pay around $22 US for 3 months of the liquid using the store brands...I have way too much hair for the foam to work deep into my scalp!  It will take quite a while to see results, so be patient.  One day you'll notice a whole bunch of tiny little hairs pokibg thru you other hair...guess what?  They grow!!!  (smile)

Best wishes always!

Traci xoxo

those stores dont happen to deliver to the uk do they ??

I think it is imperative that early identification and intervention is developed and implemented as soon as possible. To not do so is immoral and unethical. The repression of gender identity has tragic consequences. In my case, it was like a puppy peaking out from under the bed covers, threatening to jump out and play only to be thwarted by the big dogs, which ultimately resulted in rampaging, suicidal werewolf like episodes. If societies can foster and perpetuate the heterosexual model to those who ultimately prove unsuitable, surely similar variants of interpersonal relationships for those more apt could be supported.

I might take a raincheck on your article just for now. I've just spent two weeks on the last two Carol has initiated. But I will come back to it.  

Next time I ask: Where are the articles, journals, books and readings, I'll be more circumspect. lol.    

<3 

~*!*~        

Cristine, Shye (GS Admin) said:

Those who are not treated in adolescence may continue to struggle to conform; they may embark on relationships, marriages and parenthood in an attempt to lead ‘normal’ lives by suppressing their core gender identity. Ultimately, however, they may be unable to continue with the charade of presenting themselves as something they know they are not. The artificiality of their situation drives individuals to seek treatment to minimise the mismatch between the brain and the bodily appearance. They experience an overwhelming need to be complete, whole people and to live in accordance with their internal reality. Until this is achieved, the personal discomfort is such that it leads to great unhappiness and sometimes to suicidal feelings.

An extract from something I wrote some time ago     http://gendersociety.com/articles/231/gender-variant-people

 

This post was edited by Former Member at July 11, 2014 10:09 PM BST

Edited*

Introducing 

^*_*^   &   ~*!*~

This post was edited by Former Member at May 12, 2013 10:49 AM BST

Chalice, quite often it is the parents who repress the outward manifestations of transgender behaviour in their child and it is only open minded parents who might worry about their child's bhaviour and seek help from their medical practitioner.  This is a societal problem and not caused by the medical profession for not spotting and identifying it in the child.

It is becoming easier these days and more and more children are presenting as transgender these days, the Portman Institute has reported a doubling of numbers in the number of cases reporting each year over the past 4 or 5 years.  In this day of the 'Blame Culture' it is all too easy to start pointing the finger and saying, it was their fault, they repressed me and didn't allow myself to be me.  Well that is all very well up to the age of around 16, but as an adult, if you had known about how you felt about yourself, then any blame has to stop with you - nobody else.  Take Rebecca for example - she has taken control of her own destiny now and is in her early twenties.  Forty years ago in the dark ages, I did the same in my late 20's.  Stop blaming others, it is you yourself that is keeping you a prisoner - just open the cell door and walk out, if you want to.

Lucy Diamond said:
I actually thought it was a well written article, though I wouldn't agree with all the points made. But the article did tend to suggest that you can't make sweeping statements for the whole TG world; gender issues manifest themsleves in many different ways. Chalice, you have a real problem with the whole RLE thing. In a way so did I before I started on it, it's hard not to be a little nervous about it. I feel it was a leap of faith, not brave, but perhaps just a teeny bit of courage doesn't go amiss. When I changed my name and everything that went with it and actually got out there and did it, you know it wasn't too bad at all. It is after all a means to an end, and at the end of the day you don't have to do if you don't want to. I'm not going to try and tell anyone how they should transition, but I would suggest that they take control, do it how they want, and basically just get on with it if they really want to live and be accepted as female. Also when reading articles like these, I feel compelled to tell others that not everyone suffers "psychological anguish" when transitioning, indeed in my case transitioning in no uncertain terms put an end to all that. RLE, everything that comes with it and after it, is not hell for all of us, not humiliating or distressing, and we don't necessarily suffer abuse... ever! Sure, sure, I'm lucky, must be blessed or something eh? Or maybe I just got out there, bit the bullet and did it, and found the experience to be the start of the rest of my real life. If you intend to live as a woman you're going to have to start one day. Your circumstances may not allow that, or the voice in your head may not allow it, mine did. It's there if you want it. xx

 

Brilliantly put Lucy.

This post was edited by Princess Layla at May 12, 2013 10:30 AM BST

Carol, I am sure there are further issues and they also need their time on the board. But it takes days, if not weeks, to carefully consider how to respond to different articles and then construct a response that doesn't simply skirt over the dilemmas they present. I've had my fill of this article.

Nevertheless, the current state of transsexuality and its reception and acceptance in society has no peer, particularly for those contemplating, preparing for, or living, transition. Dialogue is essential to the expansion and development of an anthropology, philosophy, even a theology of transexuality. Its early days yet. 

I should also thank you for putting up the article.

Sincerely

Thank you

~*!*~

This post was edited by Former Member at July 11, 2014 10:10 PM BST

Perhaps if you replied in plain English instead of slaving over gobbledgook in your replies, it would take you far less time LOL

lol If you look at my comments again you might see that they are plain English. Think of it as the result and consequence of your English School System that was adopted by your antipodes.   

Carol Uren (Site Moderator) said:

Perhaps if you replied in plain English instead of slaving over gobbledgook in your replies, it would take you far less time LOL

 

You know Carol does have a point; Chalice you wouldn't win any Plain English Awards. The original article was much easier reading than your considered responses to it!
Your meandering rhetoric seems to end up saying that "something needs to be done..."
At the very least, surely it's understandable that the medical profession really wants to make sure that people with this condition, which is largely self-diagnosed, are actually what they think they are, and that all ensuing, non-reversible treatments are appropriate. I'm sure they would get a much harder time if they were to dish out hormones, tracheal shaves, voice surgery or whatever to anyone who pops into their GP and announces "I am TS, fix me!"
As I said earlier, I had issues with RLE before I did it, but it really shouldn't be anticipated as something abhorrent. It is outrageous to say that this is something that is imposed on us "knowing" we will be subject to "violence and abuse" because of it. I was attacked by thugs when I lived as a male, it hasn't happened to me yet as female. Perhaps a less than macho man is a bit of a soft target, more so even than a slightly male looking woman.
Also, RLE does not have an end date, nor necessarily a fixed start date. It is something you can ease yourself into, and it's not something that the medical profession can entirely prepare you for. I strongly question the assumption that violence and abuse is directed only to those TS's going through RLE. I'm not being naieve; as soon as you come out as TS you place yourself in a minority group, always a potential target for narrow minded meat-head individuals. But as I say, RLE doesn't really have an end point, it is simply the beginning of the rest of your life. TS's may be attacked, but not necessarily because they are in early stages of RLE. Anyone can be attacked for any or no reason. Personally, I feel safer as a woman.
Transition is called that for a reason; it can only be a gradual change. You won't one day be magically ready to go out and be accepted by the whole world; if you are waiting for that you will be waiting forever. For it's only by doing it that you will learn from your mistakes and triumphs. These will improve your presentation more than an initiation of hormones or electrolysis, which affect you subtly rather than magically. But on those subjects...
Here in the UK, electrolysis is almost never provided by the NHS (I've heard of one or two who have fought and won this right, but it's extremely rare). So it's something that must be undertaken by the individual. Before I transitioned, online TG groups everywhere made constant reference to the need to begin electrolysis before going full-time. Basically it's something that you can and probably should do yourself. No-one in the medical profession is going to stop you from doing this. Sure, it would be nice if they provide it in all cases, but one must keep a grip on reality...
As for hormones, the situation varies from country to country, and probably always will. Treatment for GD therefore varies accordingly. But if you can buy hormones in your country, once again the medical profession is not going to stop you from doing this, though they may suggest that you don't. Contrary to some misinformation out there, the NHS will not refuse to treat you if you are self-medicating. Disclaimer: No-one should self-medicate unsupervised! Blood tests are still free on the NHS.
Whether or not you should actually be prescribed hormones prior to transition is debatable. Effects will sooner or later become irreversible. One may think it's "unethical" to not prescribe them immediately, it could also be considered equally unethical to do so.
I'm going on a bit, sorry. My point is, whilst I agree that the medical profession does need to evolve in its approach to this relatively "modern" condition (at least as far as they are concerned), such a massive change in one's life must be taken control of by the individuals themselves. If you want to live as female for the rest of your life, then one day you are going to have to start doing it, yourself!
There is plenty you can do to prepare for going full-time, in fact plenty you must do. It all seems a bit sad to me that some of us expect the medical profession to groom us for that day; "Give me hormones, electrolysis, maybe some minor surgery... and THEN I will be ready to come out to the world..."
Yes, we'd all like that before we come out, but is it really practical? Could it not in some cases be a little reckless?
I'm not defending the medical profession, I am promoting self-governance. How you live your life is down to you, it's your job to take control.
My RLE simply meant I started living as a woman, it wasn't a living hell, far from it. It wasn't some sort of psychological abuse, it wasn't imposed on me; it was what I wanted, which is why I went to the doctor's in the first place, to see if they could help me with it. And you know what? They did.
I'm really grateful for the help they gave me, we worked together for my benefit.
 
Those of you who haven't yet started living full-time, should not be imposing your own fears of RLE onto all who may read these forums. We are/were probably all apprehensive of taking these steps, but those of us who have come out the other side will tell you that it's the best thing we ever did. It is a change for the better, the beginning of our "real" lives, the road to happiness.
Stay in your closet or be androgynous for as long as you like, but it's up to you to prepare yourself for going full-time, you will do that a lot quicker than you will trying to change "socio-political attitudes" or medical practices.
By all means, if you feel inclined, give the medical profession a kick up the bum, but don't use them as an excuse for not coming out because you think they are approching it all wrong, and more importantly, don't put others off making their own changes by suggesting that they will be tortured and abused by the very people who are actually there trying to help them.
Real life, is a wonderful experience. RLE is simply the beginning of that realisation.
xx
This post was edited by Lucy Diamond at July 11, 2014 10:15 PM BST

Very powerful words and emotions Lucy - most of which I agree with.  If Chalice has doubts about transitioning she should not be projecting her own fears about transitioning on others, people are particularly vulnerable at this point in their lives and to be constantly harping on about the difficulties is not particularly helpful for those intent on transitioning.

To anybody who is considering transitioning, this is meant to be one of the most joyous occasions in your life, don't let people ruin this for you because of their own self doubts or timidity.

I've told you before Crissie, sometimes your humour can be just plain wicked (lol)

xxx

What we have here is the perfect example of respected women like Lucy Carol and Crissie (and others including myself) telling of what real life is all about and one person who pretends to know what real life is all about. People will never get anywhere in life just talking about it and doing nothing.

 

I still say and will keep saying it that if any person says they have gender dysphoria and can go through life doing nothing about it then they do not have it or suffer from it. You can hide from it for a while but it will get you in the end and then and only then can anyone come here and preach about it .

 

Some very interesting posts here and some very very confusing ones.

 

Julia xx

This post was edited by Former Member at July 11, 2014 10:17 PM BST

That was an incredibly well thought out post Lucy!  Thanks for taking the time to share your feelings and thoughts on this.

Traci xoxo

I agree Traci Lucy sums it all up . And there should be no fear in transition. Sometimes bad things happen to us but bad things happen to all people from all walks of life.

 

xxx

It has been really helpful reading the posts from the ladies here who have transitioned, and the article. As an SO I have no idea what it is like for you all, but it helps to have an awareness of what to expect in the future. I worry about Em and what might happen. I can easily (and do) worry myself sick about the potential for abuse and all the negatives.. It is helpful to see that it isn't all like that. I think the RLE is a necessary evil though, you have to live in real life. You have to cope with it. It isn't a game. For those of you with SOs, it isn't a game for them either! It's tough having to readjust to a future I didn't know existed a few months ago. I have good days and bad ones. I want Em to be happy but that can also be bittersweet from my perspective.
Anyway, I continue to learn and digest as much information as I can because I need to know this stuff for OUR real life experience.
Happy Sunday ladies! x

Crissie you and myself both had it savagely kicked out of us at 12 years old! But we made it did'nt we? . And yes you did win and I am very proud of you as a friend and proud of others too who made it whom I don't know.

 

Julia xx

Having problems with the plain English parts refered to in this thread! I think one clear explanation would do the job but is there one clear explanation? No there is not from the poster it is niether one thing or another! It is jomh ygfde gnhyd kk gddf  bhres (that is not a language).

So for our Dutch friends I say .

 

Goed dag voor iedereen in Nederland . Makes more sense to me but then I understand it.

 

Julia x

I had a kicking too Julia - from a man I just happened to fall in love with - but hey, many women suffer from such abuse as well.  However in my case I knew it was transphobia and not 'just' because of my gender like other women.  However, not at any point during or after that attack did I consider 'going back' for back there a far more final solution lay in waiting.

A point I would like to further discuss is the transition - a few of us 'oldies' (i.e who transitioned quite a few years ago) would appear to have differing opinions on this.  Lucy thinks of it as a gradual process, and from what Crissie has said a few posts back, she does too.  I personally regard it as a definite point in time where I switched from living part time to living full time into the gender role that my brain had always told me that I was.

Yes, for quite a few years prior to that point in time I had gone out as a female, for me that time between finally accepting myself and going full time was my preparation phase - where I had my electrolysis, went to see various psychiatrists, was diagnosed with gender dysphoria and started on cross hormone therapy and started to acclimatise myself into my new role.  It was a time that I was able to start dropping the façade that I had built up over the years to protect myself from being bullied, to let myself blossom as myself and the person I was so that when my transition point finally arrived, I simply went from part time to full time as me.  It was a time when I didn't have to keep reverting back to pretending to be male to earn a living to pay for my electrolysis and other things.  I realised that I would probably lose my job when I did go full time (back in those days it was perfectly acceptable to dismiss you for being gender dysphoric) so I wanted to at least finish my electrolysis before that happened.

So for me, transition was a definite point in time (6:00pm on Oct 31st 1975) when I finally became myself.

Elle, you are an inspiration to humanity, you might not think so, but I am sure all of us here are thinking the same.  It is thanks to people like yourself who accept, even though you are fighting to understand, and are prepared to stand by the person you love.  For Em, it will be her salvation a time of joyous release from the dark dungeon that she was in, when suddenly everything will appear in colour for the first time.

Good luck and joy in your life together xx

Carol I think you are an amazing woman with a lot to share on this website . You bring up topics that create good debate (well with most members) .

We all have had different experiences and you just raised a very good point about correct gender females too because I have been trying with the figures I have compare them to us and they do have it bad.

Adding to what Crissie posted! Her and myself at 12 years old took our beatings and I believe my beatings at that age made me stronger but I cannot speak for Crissie. That age somehow connects us. Just as with Crissie I have never wanted pity or sympathy just plain acceptance that is all.

 

You became yourself one day after my 18th birthday or was it 17th? not trying to make you look old Carol.

 

Julia x

This post was edited by Former Member at May 12, 2013 6:34 PM BST

Well yes Carol, I can put a date on my name change and my stopping presenting as male. But since then I feel I have changed, hopefully improved both in attitude and style, perhaps in physical appearance too, so in that sense I feel my transition is ongoing.
Going full-time may (or may not) be a sudden change, but what you learn once you start doing it, plus the effects of hormones, causes gradual change, that's really my definition of transition. It's a slow but sure, mental and physical transformation, it doesn't happen overnight.
I've also had some minor surgical procedures along the way which have made me feel better about myself and how I present, basically I feel I have come on a long way since the day I went full-time.
The physical changes (from hormones) especially, take years. In that sense, it's harder to put a date on when you stopped transitioning!
With this in mind, it's unrealistic to contemplate spending years on hormones, having surgeries and everything else before going full-time. When I die I will be complete, but I wish to enjoy my life as a woman before that happens. You have to draw a balance between being "complete", or fully prepared for your real life experince, and actually living it.
xx

@Crissie...regarding the benefits of transitioning later vs. younger...

 

I am a late "bloomer", but recognized I was different at age of 2 or 3.  I would aks my parents to let me be a girl, and when growing up in the era I did, that was not accepted very well by my father.  My mother would dress me and paint my nails and let out to play until my father came home from work.  One day he found out and then began to beat the girl out of the boy!  By age 7 or 8, I stopped asking, but the feeling never went away.  

I just dealt with the reality that it never was going to happen and tried to live in my role as best as I could.  Skip up 50 years later and I had learned enough about the "how's" and "why's" and then just decided I could do this at last.  Here I am today, "doing it".

 

For me, I'd have loved to have been able to be raised and grown up as a woman.  I think the "advantage" I have over younger girls is that I have a lifetime of experience as far as employment, living vicariously as a woman, and getting a grasp on the whims of humanity.  With this knowledge, I have been able to plot a course for a slow transition that has minimized loss of friends, family, and all...I am near the door step to living FT and have morphed in front of my circle of people in such a way that they are not utrned off by the changes in me.  Those that have not seen me in say 10 or 20 years are not sure what they see, but all remark that I appear younger, happier, healthier, etc.  I do not "force" myself upon them but just live as I always lived, albeit with a different look!

 

So since I did not transition at a young age, I took advantage of just what I had learned and have been able to make it work well for myself.  I do not look back, ever!  For me, my life has just begun, a reincarnation of sorts!  I treat every day as a gift and have been able to eliminate all of my anxiety, fears, and concerns about how I am perceived or will be treated.  I live by a daily goal of trying to make at least one person's day better and do this each and every day.  I try to make it impossible for others to hate me by living in this manner.  

 

*love life*

 

Traci xoxo

Yes, I agree Lucy, but I would call that latter phase as evolution rather than transition.  This evolution happens to every single life form on the planet, and as humans, we are forever on a learning curve - this doesn't stop until we die.  Hopefully, along our journey we can pass on some of the knowledge we have learned - indeed, this site is an example of that and why it is important that people like Crissie and yourself can share your stories and wisdom that you have gained over the years.

Again, just my humble opinion

To Lucy and Carol...I have spent the past 2 and 1/2 weeks living "FT",  sort of a "trial run"...Amazingly liberating to say the least...as my electrolysis is not completed or nearly enough for me to wander FT 24x7, I decided to skip a few weeks and just shave every AM and go for it.  Like a moth drawn to a street light in the dark, I cannot even imagine not following thru right to wherever this ends up.  It will complete me at last...what I have learned from the past couple of weeks has been mostly "validating" all that I am, that I can and will do this, and that I can successfully blend in and function as a "normal" human being on a day to day basis.  I had zero issues with being "outed", interacted with all sorts of people comfortably, and frankly, just live my usual boring, routine life!  (smile)

I LOVE it!

Thanks to all of you who do spend time in pitching in here, sharing your thoughts and feelings.  It is comforting to have this source when you hit those moments that kinda freeze you in your progress.

I am very grateful!

Fondly,

Traci xoxo

tran·si·tion   /tranˈziSHən/  
Noun: The process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another
 
I guess legal transition is (by requirement) immediate, while physical transition is indeed an evolution.  
 
When I just googled that I discovered that Kendal was, a couple of years ago, declared a "transition town". Well there are about 7 of us here that I know about so I guess it's a fitting description! xx
This post was edited by Lucy Diamond at May 12, 2013 6:22 PM BST

That, dear Traci, is your own self-imposed RLE, and you love it.
It ain't so bad is it?
xx

Duh!!!  LOL  

But the self imposed RLE is exactly that, "self imposed", not ordered by some doctor before I was physically prepared, or even mentally prepared.  To go thru an ordered RLE just to get hormones still remains the proverbial thorn in the side to me...I think it's wrong.  Would you throw an infant into a deep pool of water and expect them to swim?  Of course not...same analogy for me regarding the old RLE requirement.  I believe the RLE is useful, but it ought to be used prior to GRS, not in dispensing or prescribing hormones.  

Anyhow, thanks for all your comments and all...

How's the band going?  Need some harmonica?  (smile)

Traci xoxo

I don't entirely disagree with you Traci, but I think I have already covered that point today...
 
The band is going well thank you. We play an eclectic mix of rock and pop covers, Coldplay, Muse, Take That...
Unfortunately we have no place for a harmonica doing this sort of material, it's definitely not R&B!
I believe R&B means something else to the younger generation these days, in my book it means a set full of 12-bars.
Keep on blowing.
xx

By the way, doctors never say WHEN you have to start RLE, that is up to the individual. They don't try to rush you into it, so you can decide for yourself when you feel you are "mentally prepared".
You may take as long as you like.
But don't miss out on life.
Whoosh! There it goes...
xx

Carol Uren (Site Moderator) said:

Yes, I agree Lucy, but I would call that latter phase as evolution rather than transition.  This evolution happens to every single life form on the planet, and as humans, we are forever on a learning curve - this doesn't stop until we die.  Hopefully, along our journey we can pass on some of the knowledge we have learned - indeed, this site is an example of that and why it is important that people like Crissie and yourself can share your stories and wisdom that you have gained over the years.

Again, just my humble opinion

And Julia Ford says.

And I have said on many occasions Carol that we are the slowest evolving species on this planet.

 

Which brings us right back to the begining of the whole topic "Bravery/Courage" Wether it takes any of those 2 words we will never evolve as fast as any other minority unless we put aside the fears that to most do not even exist and just get on with it .

I done it and believe me there is nothing special about me , so with focus and all of the strength and will to be your true self nothing is in the way to stop anyone.

 

Yes you will lose friends and maybe family ect but you will gain more in return that is a promise. Nothing beats being yourself but living a lie will beat you up and eat you up.

 

Julia x

 

Whist I agree that after proper psychological testing and psychiatric evaluation, it should be possible for a person to be prescribed cross hormone therapy prior to starting living full time (something I have long argued for), but I disagree that any doctors 'order' any person to undergo the RLE - if you want it badly enough, if it means your life, you will do it with or without hormones.  At the end of the day it is your choice - nobody can order anybody to transition if it is not right for them.

As Lucy quite correctly pointed out, the changes wrought by cross hormone therapy are very slow to appear and indeed, in some people are not all that noticeable even after many years, so unless people want to be on hormones for 5 or 6 years  prior to the RLE then whether you are on hormones or not is irrelevant for most people.  What hormones do (for M2F's, I cannot say if this is the case for F2M's) is take away an awful lot of the pain and anguish which goes on inside your head and induces a much calmer frame of mind in which to approach the RLE.  However, as this appears fairly quickly, generally within a few months, any effects are reversible should the person decide that it isn't right for them.

Again, just my own personal take on it

No more preaching for me on the topic...but I will make one last point.  Being on estrogen now for 3 years, THE absolute greatest thing has been the mental changes, not the physical.  My body does not define me as a person, it only compliments me.  But the release of virtually all angst, anger, anxiety, aggression and now having life seem so clear to the point where things seem to have slowed down is just beyond description!  This is what I've found to be the best part of all...net result is a woman who is happy, content, thoughtful, caring, loving, and finally arrived at a place where we as people all should be!

So, love life and be grateful for this gift!

Traci xoxo

Oh, Lucy, I prefer to play the R&R over R&B...can do both, but some of the tunes I do play are the Doors "Roadhouse Blues", the Doobie Bros. "Long Train Running", Tom Petty stuff, etc...no problem...was just trying to worm my way into your lineup for a song or two if/when I come over the Pond to visit and meet some peeps from here!  Ciao~

Firstly, hello. 

 

I am new on this site and this is my first post. 

 

I just wanted to comment on the original post and the courage / bravery issue. 

 

I think all human beings need courage to go against the preconditioning society shapes us with from a young age. We are taught what society considers acceptable and ok. Challenging those preconditionings and being true to yourself, instead of being who you have been shaped to be by society is necessary to be free, and happy with who you are. So many people are living who others expect them to be, because they are not bold enough to be themselves. Fear of what others think, wanting others to accept them, as well as I am sure many other factors stop people. 

 

So when others see someone who has actually broken societies mold and is comfortable being themselves, they call that courageous and brave. 

Some accept you for it, others (still caught up in societies molds) scorn you for it. Sadly we live in world that preaches 'be yourself' when all too often that means 'be yourself, as long as it is within the confines of what I feel is ok for you to be'

 

Are we more courageous and brave because we take the step to go out dressed for the first time? I think only to the degree that we have challenged our own mentalities and mindsets which have been stopping us from doing so up until that point. The battle has to be won inside ourselves first. 

 

Did I feel courageous when I went out for the first time? not at all. I felt like I was being me, possibly for the first time in my life. 

Welcome to the forums Louisa and for your thoughts on the subject

Thank you Carol, very kind of you. I look forward to getting to know you and the other ladies here :-)

 I was lucky in that I was fairly androgynous and very slim when I started to transition. I had been crossdressing for a number of years and my children had left home to have families of their own - so my "decision" came later in life when my circumstances permitted it.

After I decided to transition, I told my Doctor my intentions. He referred me to a Psychologist and after 3 months, the Psychologist agreed that I could proceed with Hormone Therapy and contacted my Doctor. My Doctor agreed, and after multiple tests, prescribed the appropriate hormone therapy. At first, I had an auto-immune response to the hormones but that was quickly corrected by my Doctor. After that, I did not start RLE for ~ 1year. It was my decision to do it that way because I wanted to "ease" myself into the situation. Once my psychical appearance had changed enough that I couldn't hide it any further - I went full time. It worked for me.

 I agree with one thing...a person should never have SRS until they have experienced at least 2 years of RLE

P.S.

Rebecca... I think you should get a new Doctor

Lucy, your extended description and explanation of transition from 'the other side' deserves a reply. Indeed, it would be a tragedy not to acknowledge your heart felt response. At the risk of being misunderstood, I will continue to present my own concrete example of what its like to live in confusion. There is always the risk that what is will be misconstrued, distorted or simply dismissed outright, but it should not deter people from putting their own point of view. Afterall, that is the only perspective we can have without doing the  mental gymnastics required to treat the problem abstractly. I always make acknowledgement to Katie Glover whose advice is to transition at the earliest possible point. But what is possible for one is not always possible for others.

Here, in Australia it is not so much a case of proving oneself is transgender, because in a way, that is the basic assumption and our history affirms a deviant identity and sexuality. Read: The Sex Lives of Australians: A History, Frank Bongiorno. What young males are faced with here, is this country, is a constant challenge to prove they are not transgendered. That's just the way it is for those who have eyes to see and ears to hear.

My take on the medical profession and RLE in this forum is academic and intellectual, surely that is obvious. It doesn't necessarily follow that I live out those concerns. On the contrary, the points I make have a very real and purposeful, practical application. For example, I will be going to our LGBT centre soon to seek help and advice in setting up a LGBT support group in our school. Why? Because we have LGBT students and they have some of the most challenging difficulties of all our students. Most of our Gay students are quite out and open but we also have a transsexual student. Now I put this sensitively, s/he doesn't know or maybe s/he does, but I am confident of my observations: s/he is transsexual. So what of her? Surely my arguments are aimed at her social welfare and harm minimisation. It could be none of my business and maybe I should stand idly by and allow her to go through the ordeals that we all relate to each other on a daily basis. I will see what our LGBT centre has to say about this.     

Finally, I was echoing Jane Fae's concern about the iatrogenic effects caused by the way the medical profession implements the RLE. I don't concur at all with Carol's interpretation of Jane's position. Of course, you can put your perspective from the other side, and those who have also passed over can rally together with you, but it is still only one perspective. It is inarguably a practical solution. In contradistinction, there are other ways of doing things, and one of those ways is an approach I often use. Some problems can be solved abstractly.

 

Lucy Diamond said:

At the very least, surely it's understandable that the medical profession really wants to make sure that people with this condition, which is largely self-diagnosed, are actually what they think they are, and that all ensuing, non-reversible treatments are appropriate. I'm sure they would get a much harder time if they were to dish out hormones, tracheal shaves, voice surgery or whatever to anyone who pops into their GP and announces "I am TS, fix me!" ...

My point is, whilst I agree that the medical profession does need to evolve in its approach to this relatively "modern" condition (at least as far as they are concerned), such a massive change in one's life must be taken control of by the individuals themselves. If you want to live as female for the rest of your life, then one day you are going to have to start doing it, yourself! ...

There is plenty you can do to prepare for going full-time, in fact plenty you must do. It all seems a bit sad to me that some of us expect the medical profession to groom us for that day; "Give me hormones, electrolysis, maybe some minor surgery... and THEN I will be ready to come out to the world..." ...

Those of you who haven't yet started living full-time, should not be imposing your own fears of RLE onto all who may read these forums. ...

Stay in your closet or be androgynous for as long as you like, but it's up to you to prepare yourself for going full-time, you will do that a lot quicker than you will trying to change "socio-political attitudes" or medical practices. By all means, if you feel inclined, give the medical profession a kick up the bum, but don't use them as an excuse for not coming out because you think they are approching it all wrong, and more importantly, don't put others off making their own changes by suggesting that they will be tortured and abused by the very people who are actually there trying to help them. Real life, is a wonderful experience. RLE is simply the beginning of that realisation. xx

Thanks for your considered treatment of my perspective and while I support your position fully and completely, I can think for myself.

With great respect

Chalice

 

 

This post was edited by Former Member at May 13, 2013 11:34 AM BST