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Lucy Diamond 's Entries

204 blogs
  • 05 Sep 2005
    Skinny Eddie Lizzard The family "situation" has been getting me down, it’s not really my problem but my mum has been in the firing line and she doesn’t deserve it. Other people’s problems often affect me more than my own, and because it’s my lovely mum that is suffering I feel it too. I’ve woken up crying the last few mornings, heartbreaking. I feel helpless, whatever I say probably won’t help. She’s away for a few days visiting an old friend so I hope she is able to put it out of her mind for a while. I’m also a bit angry that she has been treated unfairly and somewhat disgracefully. All I can say is I’m glad I’m no longer seen as one of the blokes in this family. The women are cool, the men are twats. Anyway… Me, her and Gran went out on Friday to see my cousin Tracy in the world premiere of a short film in which she had a leading role. Well, there were no red carpets or long black dresses with mink wraps or anything of the sort, it was just a low budget, amateur affair, but it was quite fun and I have to say she was very good in it, I’ve never seen her act before. Weird to see her on the big screen. She was there in person too of course, and it was the first time she’d seen me dressed, but that was equally no big occasion, no champagne, just half a lager. She’s lovely, and I’ve always been very fond of her since we were very young. We used to live round the corner from each other, and she’s always felt more like a sister. I think Lucy makes sense to her, as it does for all the girls I know, it would seem. Virtually all of them have said that they weren’t surprised or that they knew there was "something". The film was accompanied by 2 support films, even shorter, one call "Orangehead" – a man walks into a pub with an orange for a head, it’s not a joke, that’s what happened. The film is just him describing his experiences of what it’s like when your head turns into an orange, bizarre, but quite amusing. The other film was painful, I think it was supposed to be arty. "Fires were started" it was called, featuring a single bar, old electric fire, and nothing else, other than some equally painful music. Sorry, but I don’t really get it, why is that art? (But of course what is art…?) Cerys, can you explain this to me, why do film-makers subject people to such torture? Not that I’m suggesting you do of course, but you know about these things don’t you. The show is coming to Kendal next month, I would suggest they don’t bother with that one. Maybe I’m just a heathen. We got back about 10:30 so I decided to go down the pub and see what bands were on. I’m quite enjoying getting back into the local band scene again. The place where Sue usually hangs out (my new TS acquaintance) had a band of youngsters who weren’t particularly very good, bless, and Sue wasn’t there so I moved on to the other decent pub in town to see "Skinny Lizard", a new one on me, but they were very good, playing all rock stuff, but good choices of songs, including Pink Floyd even, Yay! The guy I was at primary school with was there so I had a chat with him and met one of his mates who was very friendly and invited me to the local night-club later on. I said maybe, but slipped away quietly at the end. Actually the band finished with "Freebird" for a 3rd encore so I left in protest as much as anything else. Shame, all their set had been great up to that point. (While I was getting ready to go out that day I had the telly on and heard some presenter saying that a viewer had written in to tell them that they had a pet lizard called, Eddie Lizzard, hence today’s title, by the way. For you foreigners who might not know, Eddie Izzard is an extremely funny and proud to be transvestite comedian). I called in for a takeaway on the way home where a very dishy Indian waiter was very nice to me, I love being a woman. Yesterday I had agreed to meet Penny at the same place (where she works) and where another band was playing, all of whom I knew this time, two of whom I have worked with, and one of whom also appears on the only (pressed) album I have ever made. I recorded another album with another band, which was miles better, in fact bloody good, but it was never pressed due to record company "complications". Buggers. Anyway I digress. The bass player of today’s band was the guy who saw me and Pip whilst he was in his van a couple of months ago. I’d seen in him another band recently but didn’t talk to him then, so I did today. He hadn’t recognised me when he was in his van, but at that time wouldn’t have expected to see me dressed as a woman. So it’s official, he was just ogling me, or maybe it was Pip, who knows. Pip IS a handsome devil when he’s escorting me as my boyfriend. Anyway, the guys in the band were very nice to me, bought me a drink, gave me a hug and were generally complimentary. It’s nice that all these guys that I’ve worked with from way back are cool with me, and still show me the same respect they always did. Kendal I believe has a fairly healthy music scene, and talent is appreciated and respected without rivalry between bands. I’ve been asked to join one of them in fact, which surely proves there is no prejudice within the male-dominated Kendal band scene. I’m not ready for that though, mainly for practical reasons. But it’s something I would like to get back into (it’s been 3 years now), when I feel more presentable, and when shaving becomes less of a problem, and when I’ve had my thyroid cartilage reduced. I can’t bear to go out without my scarf, even though it draws attention to the fact. Adam’s apple (very large in my case) is such an obvious male marker that I’d feel I was showing my genitals without the scarf, and that just wouldn’t do would it. And so transition progresses, slowly but surely. I hardly notice the changes, but I know they are happening just the same. I see my life unfolding, like a new leaf opening itself up to the world. Things are better now than they ever have been, but I know they will continue to improve, with patience, and determination. Stay strong, be true, and live your life. xx
    524 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Skinny Eddie Lizzard The family "situation" has been getting me down, it’s not really my problem but my mum has been in the firing line and she doesn’t deserve it. Other people’s problems often affect me more than my own, and because it’s my lovely mum that is suffering I feel it too. I’ve woken up crying the last few mornings, heartbreaking. I feel helpless, whatever I say probably won’t help. She’s away for a few days visiting an old friend so I hope she is able to put it out of her mind for a while. I’m also a bit angry that she has been treated unfairly and somewhat disgracefully. All I can say is I’m glad I’m no longer seen as one of the blokes in this family. The women are cool, the men are twats. Anyway… Me, her and Gran went out on Friday to see my cousin Tracy in the world premiere of a short film in which she had a leading role. Well, there were no red carpets or long black dresses with mink wraps or anything of the sort, it was just a low budget, amateur affair, but it was quite fun and I have to say she was very good in it, I’ve never seen her act before. Weird to see her on the big screen. She was there in person too of course, and it was the first time she’d seen me dressed, but that was equally no big occasion, no champagne, just half a lager. She’s lovely, and I’ve always been very fond of her since we were very young. We used to live round the corner from each other, and she’s always felt more like a sister. I think Lucy makes sense to her, as it does for all the girls I know, it would seem. Virtually all of them have said that they weren’t surprised or that they knew there was "something". The film was accompanied by 2 support films, even shorter, one call "Orangehead" – a man walks into a pub with an orange for a head, it’s not a joke, that’s what happened. The film is just him describing his experiences of what it’s like when your head turns into an orange, bizarre, but quite amusing. The other film was painful, I think it was supposed to be arty. "Fires were started" it was called, featuring a single bar, old electric fire, and nothing else, other than some equally painful music. Sorry, but I don’t really get it, why is that art? (But of course what is art…?) Cerys, can you explain this to me, why do film-makers subject people to such torture? Not that I’m suggesting you do of course, but you know about these things don’t you. The show is coming to Kendal next month, I would suggest they don’t bother with that one. Maybe I’m just a heathen. We got back about 10:30 so I decided to go down the pub and see what bands were on. I’m quite enjoying getting back into the local band scene again. The place where Sue usually hangs out (my new TS acquaintance) had a band of youngsters who weren’t particularly very good, bless, and Sue wasn’t there so I moved on to the other decent pub in town to see "Skinny Lizard", a new one on me, but they were very good, playing all rock stuff, but good choices of songs, including Pink Floyd even, Yay! The guy I was at primary school with was there so I had a chat with him and met one of his mates who was very friendly and invited me to the local night-club later on. I said maybe, but slipped away quietly at the end. Actually the band finished with "Freebird" for a 3rd encore so I left in protest as much as anything else. Shame, all their set had been great up to that point. (While I was getting ready to go out that day I had the telly on and heard some presenter saying that a viewer had written in to tell them that they had a pet lizard called, Eddie Lizzard, hence today’s title, by the way. For you foreigners who might not know, Eddie Izzard is an extremely funny and proud to be transvestite comedian). I called in for a takeaway on the way home where a very dishy Indian waiter was very nice to me, I love being a woman. Yesterday I had agreed to meet Penny at the same place (where she works) and where another band was playing, all of whom I knew this time, two of whom I have worked with, and one of whom also appears on the only (pressed) album I have ever made. I recorded another album with another band, which was miles better, in fact bloody good, but it was never pressed due to record company "complications". Buggers. Anyway I digress. The bass player of today’s band was the guy who saw me and Pip whilst he was in his van a couple of months ago. I’d seen in him another band recently but didn’t talk to him then, so I did today. He hadn’t recognised me when he was in his van, but at that time wouldn’t have expected to see me dressed as a woman. So it’s official, he was just ogling me, or maybe it was Pip, who knows. Pip IS a handsome devil when he’s escorting me as my boyfriend. Anyway, the guys in the band were very nice to me, bought me a drink, gave me a hug and were generally complimentary. It’s nice that all these guys that I’ve worked with from way back are cool with me, and still show me the same respect they always did. Kendal I believe has a fairly healthy music scene, and talent is appreciated and respected without rivalry between bands. I’ve been asked to join one of them in fact, which surely proves there is no prejudice within the male-dominated Kendal band scene. I’m not ready for that though, mainly for practical reasons. But it’s something I would like to get back into (it’s been 3 years now), when I feel more presentable, and when shaving becomes less of a problem, and when I’ve had my thyroid cartilage reduced. I can’t bear to go out without my scarf, even though it draws attention to the fact. Adam’s apple (very large in my case) is such an obvious male marker that I’d feel I was showing my genitals without the scarf, and that just wouldn’t do would it. And so transition progresses, slowly but surely. I hardly notice the changes, but I know they are happening just the same. I see my life unfolding, like a new leaf opening itself up to the world. Things are better now than they ever have been, but I know they will continue to improve, with patience, and determination. Stay strong, be true, and live your life. xx
    Sep 05, 2005 524
  • 01 Sep 2005
    Just say "No", or "maybe", well it depends... Ah dear, family problems, though rather amazingly this time they don’t directly involve me. Maybe I should be pleased, but I can’t be ‘cos it’s just not nice. I don’t wish to go into details though. Had a "difficult" email today, a little unpleasant so I went out for a walk to clear my head, and picked about a pound of mushrooms. Don’t know what I’m going to do with them all, I’m out of butter so I can’t do my favourite recipe of baked garlicky mushrooms with melted cheese on top mmm. I’ve got a nice juicy steak for tonight though so I’ll have a few with that. (I’m doing this on purpose Tiina, in case you were wondering, tee hee. Anyway, don’t you girls ever eat…?) As I said Sammy, thank you for your concern, I didn’t intend to argue at all, just to try to better explain my situation and put things into perspective. Thank you also for sharing the story about your friend being refused (or seriously delayed) treatment. Another one to add to the list of the NHS treatment of transsexuals, which from what I’ve heard seems to vary between shoddy and despicable. Without the knowing all the details of the case you are referring to it would not be appropriate for me to comment on it, but on the surface it does seem to be counter-productive. To accuse the NHS though of this and that is perhaps too much of a generalisation. My GP was certainly fine, his parting words were, "I will do all I can to help you", and the local psychologist was also helpful, fair, and down to earth. I will find out for myself how things are at Charing Cross very soon, and as I said when I got my appointment, I’m going in with an open mind, but at the same time not holding my breath. In fact the more stories I hear about them the more I wonder why I’m bothering with them. Uncle Russel Reid, if he is still in business by then, remains an alternative option, but not the only one. Part of my decision to go down the NHS route was to allay some of my parents fears, hard to do, especially in my dad’s case, believe me; to show them I was doing it by the book, pursuing the "proper" channels. But Charing Cross did not write the bible on treatment for gender dysphoria, nor did the NHS, and thank goodness for that. As for self-medicating, I know my hormones even better than I know my mushrooms, I won’t be away with the fairies after my steak and mushrooms tonight I promise. It’s hard to mistake psilocybe semilanceata or amanita muscaria (which I’ve never even seen in real life, and don’t ever eat it if you find one!) for the common field mushroom (agaricus campestris). I found some ceps around here once (boletus something-or-other) which was quite exciting, but they’re not as nice as the plain old field ones, a bit spongy. Back to the hormones though, even the most experienced endocrinologist can’t tell you with absolute certainty that a certain regime is going to work for you; everyone is different. Their main indicators as to effectiveness are the actual physical changes which occur, and observing this they will modify one’s regime accordingly. I’m just getting a head’s start, I’m too old to wait any longer, and so far I’m happy with the results and feel much healthier, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Having said that I will welcome the advice of an expert in the near future, but rest-assured I do not take any of this lightly, and I honestly know what I’m doing. To not know would be stupid, and I’m not stupid. Everyone’s different; sweeping generalisations about what is wrong or right don’t work for an individual. Of course everyone is entitled to agree or disagree with another’s opinions. And those are some of mine. Perhaps it’s worth noting that I might be in a serious state of depression, or just plain dead, had my various situations not improved in the past year or so. For me at least, the low dose and safe as possible hormone administration has been a good move. I constantly review my actions and intentions, and I know what’s best for me, honest. xx
    453 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Just say "No", or "maybe", well it depends... Ah dear, family problems, though rather amazingly this time they don’t directly involve me. Maybe I should be pleased, but I can’t be ‘cos it’s just not nice. I don’t wish to go into details though. Had a "difficult" email today, a little unpleasant so I went out for a walk to clear my head, and picked about a pound of mushrooms. Don’t know what I’m going to do with them all, I’m out of butter so I can’t do my favourite recipe of baked garlicky mushrooms with melted cheese on top mmm. I’ve got a nice juicy steak for tonight though so I’ll have a few with that. (I’m doing this on purpose Tiina, in case you were wondering, tee hee. Anyway, don’t you girls ever eat…?) As I said Sammy, thank you for your concern, I didn’t intend to argue at all, just to try to better explain my situation and put things into perspective. Thank you also for sharing the story about your friend being refused (or seriously delayed) treatment. Another one to add to the list of the NHS treatment of transsexuals, which from what I’ve heard seems to vary between shoddy and despicable. Without the knowing all the details of the case you are referring to it would not be appropriate for me to comment on it, but on the surface it does seem to be counter-productive. To accuse the NHS though of this and that is perhaps too much of a generalisation. My GP was certainly fine, his parting words were, "I will do all I can to help you", and the local psychologist was also helpful, fair, and down to earth. I will find out for myself how things are at Charing Cross very soon, and as I said when I got my appointment, I’m going in with an open mind, but at the same time not holding my breath. In fact the more stories I hear about them the more I wonder why I’m bothering with them. Uncle Russel Reid, if he is still in business by then, remains an alternative option, but not the only one. Part of my decision to go down the NHS route was to allay some of my parents fears, hard to do, especially in my dad’s case, believe me; to show them I was doing it by the book, pursuing the "proper" channels. But Charing Cross did not write the bible on treatment for gender dysphoria, nor did the NHS, and thank goodness for that. As for self-medicating, I know my hormones even better than I know my mushrooms, I won’t be away with the fairies after my steak and mushrooms tonight I promise. It’s hard to mistake psilocybe semilanceata or amanita muscaria (which I’ve never even seen in real life, and don’t ever eat it if you find one!) for the common field mushroom (agaricus campestris). I found some ceps around here once (boletus something-or-other) which was quite exciting, but they’re not as nice as the plain old field ones, a bit spongy. Back to the hormones though, even the most experienced endocrinologist can’t tell you with absolute certainty that a certain regime is going to work for you; everyone is different. Their main indicators as to effectiveness are the actual physical changes which occur, and observing this they will modify one’s regime accordingly. I’m just getting a head’s start, I’m too old to wait any longer, and so far I’m happy with the results and feel much healthier, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Having said that I will welcome the advice of an expert in the near future, but rest-assured I do not take any of this lightly, and I honestly know what I’m doing. To not know would be stupid, and I’m not stupid. Everyone’s different; sweeping generalisations about what is wrong or right don’t work for an individual. Of course everyone is entitled to agree or disagree with another’s opinions. And those are some of mine. Perhaps it’s worth noting that I might be in a serious state of depression, or just plain dead, had my various situations not improved in the past year or so. For me at least, the low dose and safe as possible hormone administration has been a good move. I constantly review my actions and intentions, and I know what’s best for me, honest. xx
    Sep 01, 2005 453
  • 31 Aug 2005
    Like waiting for a bus Last night turned out to be considerably more interesting than I had anticipated. Went out for a meal with mum and bruv and his partner, just down the local Indian (fantastic by the way), sorry Tiina I mentioned food again. We headed back towards mum’s house reaching the T-junction at the main street, gosh how appropriate, you’ll see why. Do we go left to mum’s or right to have a quick look in the pub which was hosting the weekly "jam" session, strains of rhythm and blues coming from down the alley, didn’t sound great, but I was assertive, "Yes, let’s go and have a look, the night is young…" So we did. It’s the only place in town I’ve ever seen another T-girl, though the last time I saw her was a couple of years ago, before I was "out", and I was with friends so I felt I couldn’t really approach her. Every time I go into that place I hope she will be there, so I can get to meet her. This time she was there. I was dressed (of course), with my family, and had had a drink so had no qualms about talking to anyone, not that I do anymore really, but you know, a drink often helps to swing things along… It seemed like a good time to finally meet her. Mum had met her years ago at a party, and they had spoken then because she used to live just round the corner from mum. So that gave mum an excuse to approach her, not that mum would need one, but she didn’t hesitate. I got my drink and followed behind and mum introduced me, "This is my… daughter, Lucy". I think she hesitated on purpose in a "nudge nudge, wink wink" sort of way, though of course she didn’t need to. We exchanged niceties and Sue (as I had just learned) said, "Let’s go outside and have a chat". Hard to chat with even a relatively quiet blues band in the background, so we grabbed a table in the Alley and we were off. She’s really lovely, had a similar attitude to me towards transitioning and everything, ie everyone knows about her, as they do about me now, word travels fast in this town. She’s post-op and a few years older than me, but she looks younger, cow, in fact she looks great. Respect. We talked about everything, so interesting for me, so helpful, and so great to know someone locally in a similar situation, though a few years down the road of transition of course. She has two daughters, one who I met briefly when she came to meet her boyfriend, and the other who she called and suggested she come round to meet me. Why? Because this daughter used to be her son, now also post-op, aged 30, looking utterly convincing and equally lovely. 3 T-girls at the same pub in Kendal, who would have thought it?! For me, this was a great experience, to know I’m not the only one, to see these two doing so well, being so lovely, having no problems with anyone. They both looked good, but I have to say no-one would ever have guessed that the daughter used to be a bloke. I certainly would never have known, had I not been introduced. If there is a moral here, it’s: If you’re TS then don’t waste time, do it now! It doesn’t get any easier as you get older. And remember, you’re not the only one! You may even be surprised how many there are near you, I was. Just like waiting for a bus, you wait for ages then 3 come along at once... We exchanged numbers so I hope to see her again soon. She’s even got spare hormones to give away, as she is prescribed more than she uses so has a stockpile. Wow! Pinch myself, Ouch! No, I’m not dreaming, this really is Kendal, I really am awake, the world really is changing. Lock yourself indoors if you want, but if you do you’re living in denial. Why did it take me so long to get this far? Too late to ponder, and no point anyway. The future is now. Over the last few weeks since I’ve been going out more, meeting old friends and new, I’ve been so reassured by everyone’s attitude. Even strangers, even Kendalian blokes. Blimey! Being a woman never seemed wrong to me, it’s always what I’ve felt I am, but now perhaps, it’s never seemed more right. Thank you everyone. xx
    477 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Like waiting for a bus Last night turned out to be considerably more interesting than I had anticipated. Went out for a meal with mum and bruv and his partner, just down the local Indian (fantastic by the way), sorry Tiina I mentioned food again. We headed back towards mum’s house reaching the T-junction at the main street, gosh how appropriate, you’ll see why. Do we go left to mum’s or right to have a quick look in the pub which was hosting the weekly "jam" session, strains of rhythm and blues coming from down the alley, didn’t sound great, but I was assertive, "Yes, let’s go and have a look, the night is young…" So we did. It’s the only place in town I’ve ever seen another T-girl, though the last time I saw her was a couple of years ago, before I was "out", and I was with friends so I felt I couldn’t really approach her. Every time I go into that place I hope she will be there, so I can get to meet her. This time she was there. I was dressed (of course), with my family, and had had a drink so had no qualms about talking to anyone, not that I do anymore really, but you know, a drink often helps to swing things along… It seemed like a good time to finally meet her. Mum had met her years ago at a party, and they had spoken then because she used to live just round the corner from mum. So that gave mum an excuse to approach her, not that mum would need one, but she didn’t hesitate. I got my drink and followed behind and mum introduced me, "This is my… daughter, Lucy". I think she hesitated on purpose in a "nudge nudge, wink wink" sort of way, though of course she didn’t need to. We exchanged niceties and Sue (as I had just learned) said, "Let’s go outside and have a chat". Hard to chat with even a relatively quiet blues band in the background, so we grabbed a table in the Alley and we were off. She’s really lovely, had a similar attitude to me towards transitioning and everything, ie everyone knows about her, as they do about me now, word travels fast in this town. She’s post-op and a few years older than me, but she looks younger, cow, in fact she looks great. Respect. We talked about everything, so interesting for me, so helpful, and so great to know someone locally in a similar situation, though a few years down the road of transition of course. She has two daughters, one who I met briefly when she came to meet her boyfriend, and the other who she called and suggested she come round to meet me. Why? Because this daughter used to be her son, now also post-op, aged 30, looking utterly convincing and equally lovely. 3 T-girls at the same pub in Kendal, who would have thought it?! For me, this was a great experience, to know I’m not the only one, to see these two doing so well, being so lovely, having no problems with anyone. They both looked good, but I have to say no-one would ever have guessed that the daughter used to be a bloke. I certainly would never have known, had I not been introduced. If there is a moral here, it’s: If you’re TS then don’t waste time, do it now! It doesn’t get any easier as you get older. And remember, you’re not the only one! You may even be surprised how many there are near you, I was. Just like waiting for a bus, you wait for ages then 3 come along at once... We exchanged numbers so I hope to see her again soon. She’s even got spare hormones to give away, as she is prescribed more than she uses so has a stockpile. Wow! Pinch myself, Ouch! No, I’m not dreaming, this really is Kendal, I really am awake, the world really is changing. Lock yourself indoors if you want, but if you do you’re living in denial. Why did it take me so long to get this far? Too late to ponder, and no point anyway. The future is now. Over the last few weeks since I’ve been going out more, meeting old friends and new, I’ve been so reassured by everyone’s attitude. Even strangers, even Kendalian blokes. Blimey! Being a woman never seemed wrong to me, it’s always what I’ve felt I am, but now perhaps, it’s never seemed more right. Thank you everyone. xx
    Aug 31, 2005 477
  • 30 Aug 2005
    Living off the land, um, almost… Nice to see the return of good weather, it’s been a lovely day here. I walked into town to collect my car, having got a taxi home the other night. On the way I noticed some field mushrooms growing outside Kendal cricket club, just a few, but beauties so I picked them and took them home. It’s a fair old walk into town (for an old lady like me), but I still had energy left by the time I got back so I went for a wander by the river near my house to see if I could find some more mushrooms. Loads! Picked some blackberries on the way back too, so I made baked garlic mushrooms and a blackberry and apple crumble with apples off my tree. I even made real custard, something I’ve never tried before, it looks like one of those cheffy things that is bound to go wrong, but it was dead easy and extremely yummy. Even better than Bird’s instant if I say so myself. I made enough crumble for four people and ate half of it so I am feeling like a fat little Lucy tonight. Good job I did lots of walking, but then I am eating for two at the moment. I’m sure it’s the hormones that are giving me such a voracious appetite. I could have been just like Felicity Kendal in "The Good life", if it wasn’t for the frozen pizza I also had. Shame, she was so cute too. I’ll have to settle "for-Lucy-at" Kendal.
    509 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Living off the land, um, almost… Nice to see the return of good weather, it’s been a lovely day here. I walked into town to collect my car, having got a taxi home the other night. On the way I noticed some field mushrooms growing outside Kendal cricket club, just a few, but beauties so I picked them and took them home. It’s a fair old walk into town (for an old lady like me), but I still had energy left by the time I got back so I went for a wander by the river near my house to see if I could find some more mushrooms. Loads! Picked some blackberries on the way back too, so I made baked garlic mushrooms and a blackberry and apple crumble with apples off my tree. I even made real custard, something I’ve never tried before, it looks like one of those cheffy things that is bound to go wrong, but it was dead easy and extremely yummy. Even better than Bird’s instant if I say so myself. I made enough crumble for four people and ate half of it so I am feeling like a fat little Lucy tonight. Good job I did lots of walking, but then I am eating for two at the moment. I’m sure it’s the hormones that are giving me such a voracious appetite. I could have been just like Felicity Kendal in "The Good life", if it wasn’t for the frozen pizza I also had. Shame, she was so cute too. I’ll have to settle "for-Lucy-at" Kendal.
    Aug 30, 2005 509
  • 29 Aug 2005
    Tired but happy Gosh am I tired. Another good night last night, and another couple of old friends were met. Went to mum’s first to meet her and Angie, and unknown to me, Jill, who was a replacement in a band I used to play with (there have been quite a few). Another lovely girl, and it was nice to see her again. Down the pub we bumped into the sister of the singer from last night’s band, who often used to come to our gigs. Both of these two told me that they admire me for what I am doing and think I am brave. I don’t feel brave really, I just feel like I’m being myself. Still it’s nice for people to say such things, and all the girls especially have been really great with me so far. Spoke to a few guys too last night (sorry Pip I did speak to strange men like you told me not to, but you don’t know if they’re strange ‘til you talk to them do you). One of them was the guy who chatted me up a couple of weeks ago, I suspected then that I was actually at primary school with him, so I asked his name last night and sure enough it was him. He hasn’t changed that much, perhaps not as much as me anyway! He couldn’t figure out who I was, I even told him what my first name used to be (eventually), and I even lived round the corner from him. Maybe it will come to him. Personality-wise he’s not like he was at school, though that was more than 30 years ago, in fact he was very friendly and even philosophical. If nothing else it’s reassuring that guys from Kendal actually want to talk to me. I don’t fancy him though, but it was nice just the same. So it was generally a good night, everyone very happy, even the music was good, mostly, but you can’t please all the people all the time can you. My bed is beckoning me. Lucy sleeeep now… xx
    490 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Tired but happy Gosh am I tired. Another good night last night, and another couple of old friends were met. Went to mum’s first to meet her and Angie, and unknown to me, Jill, who was a replacement in a band I used to play with (there have been quite a few). Another lovely girl, and it was nice to see her again. Down the pub we bumped into the sister of the singer from last night’s band, who often used to come to our gigs. Both of these two told me that they admire me for what I am doing and think I am brave. I don’t feel brave really, I just feel like I’m being myself. Still it’s nice for people to say such things, and all the girls especially have been really great with me so far. Spoke to a few guys too last night (sorry Pip I did speak to strange men like you told me not to, but you don’t know if they’re strange ‘til you talk to them do you). One of them was the guy who chatted me up a couple of weeks ago, I suspected then that I was actually at primary school with him, so I asked his name last night and sure enough it was him. He hasn’t changed that much, perhaps not as much as me anyway! He couldn’t figure out who I was, I even told him what my first name used to be (eventually), and I even lived round the corner from him. Maybe it will come to him. Personality-wise he’s not like he was at school, though that was more than 30 years ago, in fact he was very friendly and even philosophical. If nothing else it’s reassuring that guys from Kendal actually want to talk to me. I don’t fancy him though, but it was nice just the same. So it was generally a good night, everyone very happy, even the music was good, mostly, but you can’t please all the people all the time can you. My bed is beckoning me. Lucy sleeeep now… xx
    Aug 29, 2005 490
  • 27 Aug 2005
    Concealed, but not hidden So, anyway, right, yeah. Um, last night, brilliant. (Can you tell I’ve been hanging out with rock musicians?) A few more people got to meet the real me last night. My brother is up again with his good lady, so we all went out to see the reincarnation of the last band I played with (for 14 years), who I haven’t seen for ages. Mum’s best mate Angie was there too, nice girl, great fun. It took me half an hour just to do all my concealing, but after finally making up I decided I didn’t look too bad, tied part of my hair up at the top in a very girly style and wore a long skirt and sexy black top. First impressions you know. Anyway, so, um, (must stop doing that), we got down to the pub and the band had just started, they sounded really good, better than I’ve ever seen them, and had a real groove going and definitely had the audience on their side. A pretty good feeling, as I recall from my rock n’ roll days. The singer, who has met Lucy several times now, noticed us and gave me a wave, but the other guys were too busy giving it what for. So, in their break they all came off stage and the drummer found sanctuary next to me, (the place was heaving). I patted him on the arm and said hello, he said hello back. I said, "Remember me?" The word "no" emanated from the top of his head in a think bubble, complete with appropriate facial expression. He looked deeper into my face, "Oh YES! How you doing?!" Bless. We had a good chat and he said it was great to see me out, I explained that I actually enjoy going out now… The guitarist came over after a while and had realised who I was, perhaps he’d noticed me talking to the drummer and sussed it out. "Alreet mate!" (He’s from Yorkshire, it’s a shame for him, but he’s a great guitarist so he’s forgiven). I gave him a big hug, it was great to see the guys again, and wonderful to see them playing so well. Everyone was bopping, the place was jumping as they say, even I couldn’t resist a bit of a wiggle, the music was infectious. Their set is better than it used to be, more songs that I like, and they now include a stunningly good rendition of "Rock and Roll" by Led Zeppelin. Robert Plant et al, eat your hearts out, you should see these guys rock. Penny was there too, her night off, and the first time I’d ever seen her in a skirt. She was even wearing heels (she’s very petite), she looked lovely. I complimented the skirt, and the fact that she was wearing one and she said that she’d reached her 30th birthday and had finally become a girl. Took me ‘til I was 40 I told her! We had a good chat too and I happened to mention that I’d been down to see my boyfriend last weekend. "What’s his name? You never told me last time", she asked, "Pip!" "We’ve got a Pip works behind the bar! He’s not a drummer is he..?" "YES!" Small world eh! Had my Pip been there it would have made the evening completely perfect, everyone was in such good spirits (or wines, beers etc…) and I’m sure he would have enjoyed the band, maybe even been a little impressed. Happy birthday my love, hope you have a good gig yourself tonight. xx Angie, the drummer and the guitarist all told me that I seemed happier, which I am of course. It’s good that people can see the difference that being true to myself has made. I think that, more than anything explains what I am doing, and why. Tonight is the main reason that big brother has returned again so soon, he’s a DJ and is doing a "gig", if DJ’s are allowed to call it that, at the same place we were at last night. Probably the coolest pub in town, where all the beautiful people hang out. Well, what do you think I was doing there?! I’ve never seen him er, spin? Scratch? What is it that DJ’s do, play records, yes, (how hard can it be?) So I guess I’ve got to do it all again tonight. If I start with the concealer now I should just make it in time…
    542 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Concealed, but not hidden So, anyway, right, yeah. Um, last night, brilliant. (Can you tell I’ve been hanging out with rock musicians?) A few more people got to meet the real me last night. My brother is up again with his good lady, so we all went out to see the reincarnation of the last band I played with (for 14 years), who I haven’t seen for ages. Mum’s best mate Angie was there too, nice girl, great fun. It took me half an hour just to do all my concealing, but after finally making up I decided I didn’t look too bad, tied part of my hair up at the top in a very girly style and wore a long skirt and sexy black top. First impressions you know. Anyway, so, um, (must stop doing that), we got down to the pub and the band had just started, they sounded really good, better than I’ve ever seen them, and had a real groove going and definitely had the audience on their side. A pretty good feeling, as I recall from my rock n’ roll days. The singer, who has met Lucy several times now, noticed us and gave me a wave, but the other guys were too busy giving it what for. So, in their break they all came off stage and the drummer found sanctuary next to me, (the place was heaving). I patted him on the arm and said hello, he said hello back. I said, "Remember me?" The word "no" emanated from the top of his head in a think bubble, complete with appropriate facial expression. He looked deeper into my face, "Oh YES! How you doing?!" Bless. We had a good chat and he said it was great to see me out, I explained that I actually enjoy going out now… The guitarist came over after a while and had realised who I was, perhaps he’d noticed me talking to the drummer and sussed it out. "Alreet mate!" (He’s from Yorkshire, it’s a shame for him, but he’s a great guitarist so he’s forgiven). I gave him a big hug, it was great to see the guys again, and wonderful to see them playing so well. Everyone was bopping, the place was jumping as they say, even I couldn’t resist a bit of a wiggle, the music was infectious. Their set is better than it used to be, more songs that I like, and they now include a stunningly good rendition of "Rock and Roll" by Led Zeppelin. Robert Plant et al, eat your hearts out, you should see these guys rock. Penny was there too, her night off, and the first time I’d ever seen her in a skirt. She was even wearing heels (she’s very petite), she looked lovely. I complimented the skirt, and the fact that she was wearing one and she said that she’d reached her 30th birthday and had finally become a girl. Took me ‘til I was 40 I told her! We had a good chat too and I happened to mention that I’d been down to see my boyfriend last weekend. "What’s his name? You never told me last time", she asked, "Pip!" "We’ve got a Pip works behind the bar! He’s not a drummer is he..?" "YES!" Small world eh! Had my Pip been there it would have made the evening completely perfect, everyone was in such good spirits (or wines, beers etc…) and I’m sure he would have enjoyed the band, maybe even been a little impressed. Happy birthday my love, hope you have a good gig yourself tonight. xx Angie, the drummer and the guitarist all told me that I seemed happier, which I am of course. It’s good that people can see the difference that being true to myself has made. I think that, more than anything explains what I am doing, and why. Tonight is the main reason that big brother has returned again so soon, he’s a DJ and is doing a "gig", if DJ’s are allowed to call it that, at the same place we were at last night. Probably the coolest pub in town, where all the beautiful people hang out. Well, what do you think I was doing there?! I’ve never seen him er, spin? Scratch? What is it that DJ’s do, play records, yes, (how hard can it be?) So I guess I’ve got to do it all again tonight. If I start with the concealer now I should just make it in time…
    Aug 27, 2005 542
  • 26 Aug 2005
    No man's land Just been to the dentist, somewhat overdue for a check-up and I had a little chip on the corner of a tooth (I know, I know I should stop eating chips). I hadn’t informed them of my change of name, and at this stage decided not to, maybe next time. So I went just in baggy pants and a t-shirt, and without shaving or make up since I’m supposed to be going out tonight. Sat in the waiting room, 2 blokes, 1 woman and myself. The dentist’s assistant stuck her head round the corner to ask, "Mr X please?" (me). She was an older lady, I hadn’t seen her before. I stood up and smiled at her and she said, "Oh Mrs X, I’m sorry". Like I say, older, her eyesight was probably fading, maybe she should get her glasses checked. So anyway I said, "Well you were sort of right the first time", (as per the name on my card), "I’m a bit in-between at the moment, bit of a long story". In retrospect it wouldn’t take too long to explain, but I wasn’t about to. She didn’t respond to that, wasn’t looking at me as she led me in to the dentist’s room, so I greeted the dentist with a deep-pitched, but warm and friendly, "Hello!" Just in case she still had any doubts. I was feeling a little playful I have to admit, but it is lovely for people to correct themselves like that. Now this isn’t the first time something like this has happened, nor the first time I have blogged about it so apologies for repeating myself, but why is it that I get read when I’m out dressed but assumed to be a woman when I’m in drab? I guess it’s to do with signals and how close you get to people. The woman at the dentist’s corrected herself within a second, so presumably just saw the long blonde hair, maybe noticed both ears were pierced, maybe my "buds" are showing more than I thought. It was just a first impression, and pure luck that she noticed those gender markers rather than the 2 day’s stubble, or the lumps from shaving (still there), or the fact that I’m 5’ 10" and a bit etc… I suppose it also begs the question, have I broken my vow of full-timeness? (Haven’t been out in drab since May). It’s a rhetorical question so you don’t have to answer, but I don’t really think this counts as "presenting one’s self in the male role". Firstly, the fact that I’m being "seen" as a woman counts in my favour. Also, I don’t expect many women would slap on the make up with the dentist about to poke around in their gob. No, most women would wear baggy pants and a t-shirt and not risk having their lippy smudged all over their face. The shaving – well I can’t help that, shaving twice in one day is not an option and it was too early to shave if I’m to go out tonight. Basically I don’t feel as though I was presenting as a man, apart from the intentional low-pitched greeting, something I’m trying hard not to do at the moment generally, I just don’t feel like a man. Ok it sounds like I’m trying to justify myself, it’s a bad habit of mine, but I came out of the dentist and thought about how I had been. Natural, myself. Chatting to the receptionist like I never used to, smiling to people, asking the dentist questions, like I never used to, just being me, the new me, the new, improved me. I don’t have to wear a skirt or make up or tell people I’ve changed my name to feel like, or present myself as a woman. Because I just am. I’ve dropped the act I used to put on, and lost the insecurities I used to feel going out as a bloke. Clothes do not maketh the woman. It’s just who you are. The dentist is kind of cute, maybe I will tart myself up a bit next time! Mum and I went out shopping a couple of days ago, I often park my car there when I’m in town as she’s close to the centre, so she asked if she could come with me. Well of course! It was the first time we’d been out shopping together with me dressed. We did go out before Christmas, as regular readers may recall, me wearing, um, baggy pants and a t-shirt, I don’t have many male clothes see. Didn’t stop her holding up tops and even a sexy pink chemise against me to see how they looked, drawing the occasional smile from the girls behind the counter, I wasn’t bothered of course. It was nicer though to be appropriately dressed, and to finally do something that mothers and daughters the world over must do often, go shopping. We tried a few things on and it was nice to have her opinion on things and she seemed to appreciate mine on the stuff she tried, we tend to agree about clothes it would seem. We had a good rummage on the make up stall at the market too, great fun, and she gave me a big hug afterwards and said it was lovely to go shopping with her daughter. It was lovely for me too (and I bought 2 more tops!) Like my visit to the dentist, it was well overdue!
    589 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • No man's land Just been to the dentist, somewhat overdue for a check-up and I had a little chip on the corner of a tooth (I know, I know I should stop eating chips). I hadn’t informed them of my change of name, and at this stage decided not to, maybe next time. So I went just in baggy pants and a t-shirt, and without shaving or make up since I’m supposed to be going out tonight. Sat in the waiting room, 2 blokes, 1 woman and myself. The dentist’s assistant stuck her head round the corner to ask, "Mr X please?" (me). She was an older lady, I hadn’t seen her before. I stood up and smiled at her and she said, "Oh Mrs X, I’m sorry". Like I say, older, her eyesight was probably fading, maybe she should get her glasses checked. So anyway I said, "Well you were sort of right the first time", (as per the name on my card), "I’m a bit in-between at the moment, bit of a long story". In retrospect it wouldn’t take too long to explain, but I wasn’t about to. She didn’t respond to that, wasn’t looking at me as she led me in to the dentist’s room, so I greeted the dentist with a deep-pitched, but warm and friendly, "Hello!" Just in case she still had any doubts. I was feeling a little playful I have to admit, but it is lovely for people to correct themselves like that. Now this isn’t the first time something like this has happened, nor the first time I have blogged about it so apologies for repeating myself, but why is it that I get read when I’m out dressed but assumed to be a woman when I’m in drab? I guess it’s to do with signals and how close you get to people. The woman at the dentist’s corrected herself within a second, so presumably just saw the long blonde hair, maybe noticed both ears were pierced, maybe my "buds" are showing more than I thought. It was just a first impression, and pure luck that she noticed those gender markers rather than the 2 day’s stubble, or the lumps from shaving (still there), or the fact that I’m 5’ 10" and a bit etc… I suppose it also begs the question, have I broken my vow of full-timeness? (Haven’t been out in drab since May). It’s a rhetorical question so you don’t have to answer, but I don’t really think this counts as "presenting one’s self in the male role". Firstly, the fact that I’m being "seen" as a woman counts in my favour. Also, I don’t expect many women would slap on the make up with the dentist about to poke around in their gob. No, most women would wear baggy pants and a t-shirt and not risk having their lippy smudged all over their face. The shaving – well I can’t help that, shaving twice in one day is not an option and it was too early to shave if I’m to go out tonight. Basically I don’t feel as though I was presenting as a man, apart from the intentional low-pitched greeting, something I’m trying hard not to do at the moment generally, I just don’t feel like a man. Ok it sounds like I’m trying to justify myself, it’s a bad habit of mine, but I came out of the dentist and thought about how I had been. Natural, myself. Chatting to the receptionist like I never used to, smiling to people, asking the dentist questions, like I never used to, just being me, the new me, the new, improved me. I don’t have to wear a skirt or make up or tell people I’ve changed my name to feel like, or present myself as a woman. Because I just am. I’ve dropped the act I used to put on, and lost the insecurities I used to feel going out as a bloke. Clothes do not maketh the woman. It’s just who you are. The dentist is kind of cute, maybe I will tart myself up a bit next time! Mum and I went out shopping a couple of days ago, I often park my car there when I’m in town as she’s close to the centre, so she asked if she could come with me. Well of course! It was the first time we’d been out shopping together with me dressed. We did go out before Christmas, as regular readers may recall, me wearing, um, baggy pants and a t-shirt, I don’t have many male clothes see. Didn’t stop her holding up tops and even a sexy pink chemise against me to see how they looked, drawing the occasional smile from the girls behind the counter, I wasn’t bothered of course. It was nicer though to be appropriately dressed, and to finally do something that mothers and daughters the world over must do often, go shopping. We tried a few things on and it was nice to have her opinion on things and she seemed to appreciate mine on the stuff she tried, we tend to agree about clothes it would seem. We had a good rummage on the make up stall at the market too, great fun, and she gave me a big hug afterwards and said it was lovely to go shopping with her daughter. It was lovely for me too (and I bought 2 more tops!) Like my visit to the dentist, it was well overdue!
    Aug 26, 2005 589
  • 22 Aug 2005
    You’ve got a friend ‘Twas a rather dull week last week. I avoided going out as much as possible due to a severe case of shaving rash. Little blemishes I can hide (I’m thinking of buying shares in L’oreal concealer), big lumps I cannot. Bloody testosterone, it’s poison, I hate it. I’m guessing it will be quite some time before the laser treatment has any significant effect on my shaving regime. What probably brought on the rash last week was shaving so much the week before, having been out 3 nights out of 4. Which may even be more times than I’ve been out in Kendal all year. It’s calming down a bit now, but still a bit lumpy. Hopefully it will be better by the weekend as I expect to be back in town again. Anyway I was hugely cheered up this weekend as I went down to see Pip, and actually stayed over for the first time ever, so I thought I should note it in my blog. I arrived Friday evening feeling somewhat peckish, so Pip dutifully went off to slave over a hot stove while I did my nails. Food was yummy, I think Pip enjoys her cooking, and we polished off a bottle of wine and curled up in front of the telly to watch a film. Food, best friend, wine, telly, sofa, what more can you ask? Sex, oh yes, that too. A lovely evening, relaxing in wonderful company, super. Just what I needed. The next day we had a proper breakfast and headed off for Widnes market. It was a lovely day and it would have been a shame to stay in. New shops! I’m like a kid at Christmas. So I bought two really nice tops and a brown skirt. Pip let me buy something brown! Wow. It was nice though, chocolatey velvety, with ickle sequins. We both got some other bits and pieces too, earrings and nail varnish and stuff. Great to shop somewhere different for a change. We went back to Pip’s and she cooked some more food and we slobbed out for a while then I headed back home, feeling much refreshed and very loved. You’re great company Pip, and great fun. Thanks a million babe. It really meant a lot to me. xx
    492 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • You’ve got a friend ‘Twas a rather dull week last week. I avoided going out as much as possible due to a severe case of shaving rash. Little blemishes I can hide (I’m thinking of buying shares in L’oreal concealer), big lumps I cannot. Bloody testosterone, it’s poison, I hate it. I’m guessing it will be quite some time before the laser treatment has any significant effect on my shaving regime. What probably brought on the rash last week was shaving so much the week before, having been out 3 nights out of 4. Which may even be more times than I’ve been out in Kendal all year. It’s calming down a bit now, but still a bit lumpy. Hopefully it will be better by the weekend as I expect to be back in town again. Anyway I was hugely cheered up this weekend as I went down to see Pip, and actually stayed over for the first time ever, so I thought I should note it in my blog. I arrived Friday evening feeling somewhat peckish, so Pip dutifully went off to slave over a hot stove while I did my nails. Food was yummy, I think Pip enjoys her cooking, and we polished off a bottle of wine and curled up in front of the telly to watch a film. Food, best friend, wine, telly, sofa, what more can you ask? Sex, oh yes, that too. A lovely evening, relaxing in wonderful company, super. Just what I needed. The next day we had a proper breakfast and headed off for Widnes market. It was a lovely day and it would have been a shame to stay in. New shops! I’m like a kid at Christmas. So I bought two really nice tops and a brown skirt. Pip let me buy something brown! Wow. It was nice though, chocolatey velvety, with ickle sequins. We both got some other bits and pieces too, earrings and nail varnish and stuff. Great to shop somewhere different for a change. We went back to Pip’s and she cooked some more food and we slobbed out for a while then I headed back home, feeling much refreshed and very loved. You’re great company Pip, and great fun. Thanks a million babe. It really meant a lot to me. xx
    Aug 22, 2005 492
  • 18 Aug 2005
    Pennies from heaven (Re: last comments) You’re quite right Pippa, remarkably astute; we’ll make a psychologist out of you yet. Bunny is also right, I have no need to explain myself, but I did want to state the facts just in case one certain ex-wife should happen to visit again, as she was obviously not in possession of the facts when she commented. A comment which I’ve now deleted as I don’t want my blog to be tainted with such vitriol. This is no place for claiming that trans people are "the most selfish on earth". I will not be accused of selfishness, this is my life, no-one else’s, and I can’t help how I was born, as none of us can. I am no more selfish than someone born short-sighted or with 6 fingers on each hand. Nor will I be tarred with someone else’s brush. I do find it sad that someone can react so severely just because their husband likes to wear a skirt, and especially that they should then choose to have a go at me because of it. Ain’t my fault Mrs. Anyway, now that’s out of the way… are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin. So, I saw my brother last week as planned, and met his lovely new girlfriend who was charming; I approve. Big bruv’ didn’t even try to shake my hand, but gave me a hug and said, "Hi Lucy". Etiquette from my brother, blimey! He even said I looked nice within the first few minutes so we were off to a good start. We’d all met at mum’s for dinner with my gran there as well. Drank pink champagne as an aperitif and mum made the most gorgeous veggie cannelloni, it really was good. After dinner we went down the pub, just the 3 of us, not mum and gran, where we talked more about my situation and I tried to explain how I saw things developing in the future. Everyone has different ideas about what it means to be transgender, and what are the important bits, and I am constantly reminded that "straight" people don’t have much to go on, mainly media and their imagination it would seem. So hopefully I put him straight on a few points. BB "introduced" me to the bar manager, Penny, when we arrived, an old friend of ours who I know reasonably well, she said hello and then BB said that we had met before (!) She did a kind of "Oh have we, oh yes (um…?)" So I said it was quite a long time ago and that point I think she recognised my voice, as well as the obvious clue that I was with my bruv’… The penny dropped (sorry), and she continued to talk to me as she normally would. I had to ask and yes, she had heard a rumour, hence her lack of surprise. All in all it was a good night, and we arranged to meet a couple of days later to see a well known local band at the same pub. BB never made it as it turned out, but mum and I went down and really enjoyed it, pretty good band, all of whom I have worked with at various points in the past, except the keyboard player who I don’t know and has apparently been touring with Travis. What he’s doing here I don’t know, guess he’s just a session guy. The bass player was the guy who saw me and Pip when we were out on our anniversary dinner, so I would have liked to have talked to him to see if he had recognised me, I can’t help being curious. I didn’t approach any of them though as I didn’t want to make a fuss as if to say, "Look at me!" I found out the next night that they all wanted to come over and talk to me but didn’t want to appear nosy or say the wrong thing. How sweet. The next night there was supposed to be another band on but their van broke down so they didn’t make it. Shame, but it gave me the chance to talk some more to Penny, a very sweet and friendly girl who, it transpires, opted to do transgender issues as part of her degree in health studies. I couldn’t believe it, so I said we must get together sometime so we can talk about that. She sounded quite keen, and finds the whole subject intriguing, as do I. She even invited me out with the girls, some of whom I know vaguely, and that is just what I need at the moment, to get out more locally and socialise with females, as I am happy to admit – I have a lot to learn, as well as unlearn. Penny, you are from heaven (sorry again). I promise that’s the last pun I shall make with your name. I’ve seen a lot of TS girls across the internet say that they wish to get away from their tranny friends or the scene or whatever, in order to integrate into "normal" society, so I’d just like to say that I feel no such compulsion. Yes I just want to be a normal woman and live a normal life, but as far as I’m concerned my tranny friends ARE normal, and I’ve been lucky enough to make some very special friends who I would hate to lose. So going to the Village or whatever doesn’t make me any less normal as far as I can see, and it can be a fun place to be. See you all there soon I hope! xx
    508 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Pennies from heaven (Re: last comments) You’re quite right Pippa, remarkably astute; we’ll make a psychologist out of you yet. Bunny is also right, I have no need to explain myself, but I did want to state the facts just in case one certain ex-wife should happen to visit again, as she was obviously not in possession of the facts when she commented. A comment which I’ve now deleted as I don’t want my blog to be tainted with such vitriol. This is no place for claiming that trans people are "the most selfish on earth". I will not be accused of selfishness, this is my life, no-one else’s, and I can’t help how I was born, as none of us can. I am no more selfish than someone born short-sighted or with 6 fingers on each hand. Nor will I be tarred with someone else’s brush. I do find it sad that someone can react so severely just because their husband likes to wear a skirt, and especially that they should then choose to have a go at me because of it. Ain’t my fault Mrs. Anyway, now that’s out of the way… are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin. So, I saw my brother last week as planned, and met his lovely new girlfriend who was charming; I approve. Big bruv’ didn’t even try to shake my hand, but gave me a hug and said, "Hi Lucy". Etiquette from my brother, blimey! He even said I looked nice within the first few minutes so we were off to a good start. We’d all met at mum’s for dinner with my gran there as well. Drank pink champagne as an aperitif and mum made the most gorgeous veggie cannelloni, it really was good. After dinner we went down the pub, just the 3 of us, not mum and gran, where we talked more about my situation and I tried to explain how I saw things developing in the future. Everyone has different ideas about what it means to be transgender, and what are the important bits, and I am constantly reminded that "straight" people don’t have much to go on, mainly media and their imagination it would seem. So hopefully I put him straight on a few points. BB "introduced" me to the bar manager, Penny, when we arrived, an old friend of ours who I know reasonably well, she said hello and then BB said that we had met before (!) She did a kind of "Oh have we, oh yes (um…?)" So I said it was quite a long time ago and that point I think she recognised my voice, as well as the obvious clue that I was with my bruv’… The penny dropped (sorry), and she continued to talk to me as she normally would. I had to ask and yes, she had heard a rumour, hence her lack of surprise. All in all it was a good night, and we arranged to meet a couple of days later to see a well known local band at the same pub. BB never made it as it turned out, but mum and I went down and really enjoyed it, pretty good band, all of whom I have worked with at various points in the past, except the keyboard player who I don’t know and has apparently been touring with Travis. What he’s doing here I don’t know, guess he’s just a session guy. The bass player was the guy who saw me and Pip when we were out on our anniversary dinner, so I would have liked to have talked to him to see if he had recognised me, I can’t help being curious. I didn’t approach any of them though as I didn’t want to make a fuss as if to say, "Look at me!" I found out the next night that they all wanted to come over and talk to me but didn’t want to appear nosy or say the wrong thing. How sweet. The next night there was supposed to be another band on but their van broke down so they didn’t make it. Shame, but it gave me the chance to talk some more to Penny, a very sweet and friendly girl who, it transpires, opted to do transgender issues as part of her degree in health studies. I couldn’t believe it, so I said we must get together sometime so we can talk about that. She sounded quite keen, and finds the whole subject intriguing, as do I. She even invited me out with the girls, some of whom I know vaguely, and that is just what I need at the moment, to get out more locally and socialise with females, as I am happy to admit – I have a lot to learn, as well as unlearn. Penny, you are from heaven (sorry again). I promise that’s the last pun I shall make with your name. I’ve seen a lot of TS girls across the internet say that they wish to get away from their tranny friends or the scene or whatever, in order to integrate into "normal" society, so I’d just like to say that I feel no such compulsion. Yes I just want to be a normal woman and live a normal life, but as far as I’m concerned my tranny friends ARE normal, and I’ve been lucky enough to make some very special friends who I would hate to lose. So going to the Village or whatever doesn’t make me any less normal as far as I can see, and it can be a fun place to be. See you all there soon I hope! xx
    Aug 18, 2005 508
  • 13 Aug 2005
    In response to an anonymous comment: Dear someone else’s ex-wife, Whatever happened between you and your ex-husband has nothing to do with me, and from the sound of it bears no resemblance to what happened between me and my wife. Since you clearly have no idea of what went on I don’t know why you should criticise it. You shouldn’t go around blaming others for what happened between yourselves, or hating transsexuals because of it. I am not a selfish person, I am a loving and giving person and I truly loved my wife with all my heart. That was all a very long time ago and I certainly was not thinking about transition or anything of the sort at the time. I couldn’t help falling in love with this girl who was later to become my wife, and I hoped we would be together forever, but she had her problems and despite all my love and support she lied, cheated and walked out. She has since apologised profusely for her behaviour and HER selfishness. After all, was it selfish of me to pour thousands of pounds, my entire life savings into our home and to bail her out of debt? Was it selfish of me to take on and build up a good relationship with her 2 young children, look after them while she was out doing the things that her previous partner had forbidden her to do? Was it selfish of me to devote everything I had, both material and spiritual to her and her children, to battle against all the odds to keep our family together and to try to bring her happiness that she had been denied? Is it selfish to love someone unreservedly? The fact that I was transgendered had nothing to do with it, I’d never even heard of that term at the time. I didn’t tell her because I didn’t really understand it, I just felt it was something that I had to not think about, and I would still be with her today had she not walked out. I am not a "total fake", the person she married certainly did exist and is still alive and kicking today. I never lied, faked, wore her clothes or anything of the sort. I can see you have been hurt by what has happened in your marriage but your comments towards me are misplaced, completely inaccurate, and offensive. Despite all she threw at me I still feel love for my ex-wife, but we all have to move on and I don’t resent her for what she did. Had she declared herself to be a female to male transsexual I would have been shocked, but would not have thought her selfish. Like I said, I really didn’t wish to poke any ex-wives in the eye, but my life is different now, not because I have been selfish, because it just is, and now I have to make the most of it. No-one else is going to do that for me; there is nothing selfish about that. I know that "there is more to being a woman than dressing up and having sex", I have never claimed or implied otherwise, but since this is my blog I have the right to record the good parts of my life as well as the bad. Should I not enjoy a sex life now? Should I not be happy that I have been able to make a new life for myself? Should I not be proud that I am unselfish, loving and not bitter? My life is different now and that was the point of the entry that you so harshly judged. I wonder why you are here; is it because you wish to have a better understanding of your ex-husband’s nature, or because you have a bone to pick with anyone touched in any way by transgenderism? I don’t need to grow up; I’m 42, emotionally mature, very sensible, considerate and still loving. Perhaps it’s you who needs to move on. Sort yourself out and don’t take it out on other people who you don’t know and have never met. I can’t apologise for finding happiness, my life is still far from perfect but I don’t go around complaining about it. My biological condition does not make me one of "the most selfish people on earth". Have you tried counselling? I can’t imagine such bitter diatribes doing you any good at all. Good luck, whoever you are. Lucy   xx
    623 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • In response to an anonymous comment: Dear someone else’s ex-wife, Whatever happened between you and your ex-husband has nothing to do with me, and from the sound of it bears no resemblance to what happened between me and my wife. Since you clearly have no idea of what went on I don’t know why you should criticise it. You shouldn’t go around blaming others for what happened between yourselves, or hating transsexuals because of it. I am not a selfish person, I am a loving and giving person and I truly loved my wife with all my heart. That was all a very long time ago and I certainly was not thinking about transition or anything of the sort at the time. I couldn’t help falling in love with this girl who was later to become my wife, and I hoped we would be together forever, but she had her problems and despite all my love and support she lied, cheated and walked out. She has since apologised profusely for her behaviour and HER selfishness. After all, was it selfish of me to pour thousands of pounds, my entire life savings into our home and to bail her out of debt? Was it selfish of me to take on and build up a good relationship with her 2 young children, look after them while she was out doing the things that her previous partner had forbidden her to do? Was it selfish of me to devote everything I had, both material and spiritual to her and her children, to battle against all the odds to keep our family together and to try to bring her happiness that she had been denied? Is it selfish to love someone unreservedly? The fact that I was transgendered had nothing to do with it, I’d never even heard of that term at the time. I didn’t tell her because I didn’t really understand it, I just felt it was something that I had to not think about, and I would still be with her today had she not walked out. I am not a "total fake", the person she married certainly did exist and is still alive and kicking today. I never lied, faked, wore her clothes or anything of the sort. I can see you have been hurt by what has happened in your marriage but your comments towards me are misplaced, completely inaccurate, and offensive. Despite all she threw at me I still feel love for my ex-wife, but we all have to move on and I don’t resent her for what she did. Had she declared herself to be a female to male transsexual I would have been shocked, but would not have thought her selfish. Like I said, I really didn’t wish to poke any ex-wives in the eye, but my life is different now, not because I have been selfish, because it just is, and now I have to make the most of it. No-one else is going to do that for me; there is nothing selfish about that. I know that "there is more to being a woman than dressing up and having sex", I have never claimed or implied otherwise, but since this is my blog I have the right to record the good parts of my life as well as the bad. Should I not enjoy a sex life now? Should I not be happy that I have been able to make a new life for myself? Should I not be proud that I am unselfish, loving and not bitter? My life is different now and that was the point of the entry that you so harshly judged. I wonder why you are here; is it because you wish to have a better understanding of your ex-husband’s nature, or because you have a bone to pick with anyone touched in any way by transgenderism? I don’t need to grow up; I’m 42, emotionally mature, very sensible, considerate and still loving. Perhaps it’s you who needs to move on. Sort yourself out and don’t take it out on other people who you don’t know and have never met. I can’t apologise for finding happiness, my life is still far from perfect but I don’t go around complaining about it. My biological condition does not make me one of "the most selfish people on earth". Have you tried counselling? I can’t imagine such bitter diatribes doing you any good at all. Good luck, whoever you are. Lucy   xx
    Aug 13, 2005 623