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    • June 17, 2017 6:16 PM BST
    • Zoe...please always remember that you can change your body to where you resemble nothing at all like your "former self", but that you will always be "you".  That, my girl, is something you'll always be "stuck" with!  (smile)  So the best advice I can offer is to learn to accept and love yourself just the way you are.  It's going to be the only "you" you'll ever get!

      Best wishes always...

       

      Traci xoxo

    • June 17, 2017 10:23 AM BST
    • Hi Alice,

      I am so sorry for the late reply. My boss had send me away and I did not get much time to catch up with life. (It's a good thing sometimes ;) !)

      Thank you so much for your reply! I read it at least 3 times! (unfortunately I was only able to hit the thank you icon once :s)

       

      The reason I would ask is to have other people confirm my own self view so that I am not just talking to my own inner voices.

       

      I just feel stuck with my voices and emotions. All the ifs and buts. The voices shouting "you are an idiot". "Be grateful for what you have." "There is no magic pill.", "Your body is just a shell. another body will not change who you are." And the others whispering: "But this is not me!"

      The emotional rollercoaster on days the emotions get too much and I really want to talk to someone about it. Just to hear the voices spelling it out loud. Then getting angry and frustrated because I don't feel there is someone I can. Not even my best friends or partner I usually really share everything with. Who know me! Well, apart from this side.

       

      I will try to give the professionals another shot. Maybe this time will be better.

       

      Thanks so much for all your replies. This really helped a lot!

      Zoe

       

    • June 13, 2017 9:57 PM BST
    • Hi Zoe,

       

      I have been thinking about how to answer or help you for a day or so.  So I am not sure, but here goes:

       

      What am I?  This is also something that I have asked myself.  This is only something that you can answer.  I have been tempted to ask that in forum as well.  The reason I would ask is to have other people confirm my own self view so that I am not just talking to my own inner voices.  So I would say that you already know who and what you are.  Trust your instincts.

       

      You mention hormones and the fact that you pass a mirror and are gutted that you see a man in a dress and not a woman.  This again confirms who you are inside.

       

      The thing is that we are all afraid of being unloved.  We all change for our partners.  Some will take hormones, but will not have the final operation, since our partners do not want us to.  In your case your partner wants to date a man in drag and not a trans woman.  So it is a question of which is greater, your need to be you, or your need to keep your partner.  One of my favourate quotes comes from an old James Mason movie "The measure of love is what you are willing to give up for it".

       

      So you know what you are.  The fact that it is tearing you up inside and have come here speaks volumes.  So if you value your relationship, you will try to accomodate.  But if you value yourself and can not imagine the rest of your life living a compromise, well you get the idea.  I am not sure how to help you with this, because you know this and what you may need to do.

       

      So if you go onto hormones, be prepared for a bit of mental re-wiring.  Traci has given some good advise.  All I can tell you is to trust your instincts and be true to yourself.  I think that if your instincts are telling you to take hormones, then everything else will work itself out.  You may lose your partner, but you will also regret that you didn't do everything to be true to yourself and may even end up hating your partner if you feel that they have stopped you becoming yourself.  

       

      It is easy for me to say that you should go for it, as I have only just met you, but you already know what you want to do.  

       

      So, be true to yourself.  Be happy and be safe.

       

      Alice

    • June 11, 2017 9:53 PM BST
    • Zoe...what worked for me and probably ought to with everyone else is to transition very, very slowly.  Start "small" and do not, under any circumstances, reveal yourself to the world.  By taking baby steps and slowly changing the way you look and dress, you will allow others to "transition" with you.  There will be no "shock" compared to just telling everyone you are now a woman!!!  In fact, many will say "I knew it was just a matter of time" and just go along with you without "losing" them.  I'd say that my "losses" are about 25% of my circle of family and friends and I'm still happily married after almost 8 years now!!!  When you drop "the bomb" suddenly, most people do not know what to think nor how to react and are just not ready to deal with it.  And once you let the cat out of the bag, you'll never be able to put her back in!!  Plus, it becomes so easy for them to just "walk away" from you forever rather than to see you slowly morph while observing that you, the true person, has not changed a bit!  For hormones will not change you, only temper and soften some "rough edges".  If you enjoy driving fast cars or motorcycles pre-HRT/transition, you're still going to enjoy years later!  What does change other than some obvious physical changes, is that you will now have the ability to see the world around you "clearer" while former layers of anxiety, anger, aggression, and the like will melt away.  You will become more adapt at finding solutions, compromises to problems and issues rather than a prior male like need to "win" or "dominate" everything.  you're probably going to become a whole lot easier to get along with.

       

      These points are simplified, but hold true for the most part.  I do strongly suggest that you have your "stuff together" going into transition for if you're confused, mentally unstable, and depressed, etc., no amount of hormones will "fix it".  So do "have it together" when you finally take that step!!

       

      Best wishes always!

       

      Traci xoxo

    • June 11, 2017 5:24 PM BST
    • Hi Zoe
      Welcome and thank you for being brave enough to open up. Please be reassured, there are members of this site - probably many of us, who are still challenged by or whose lives are complicated by how they feel, and what they feel they should be or perhaps are. You are most definitely not alone. What we all share is a pair of ears, eyes and roughly a heart apiece. Good luck, Rachel

    • June 11, 2017 4:36 PM BST
    • Zoe, Gender therapists are trained to cope with the issues we go through,   You did not offend me, that is the last thing you should think,   I cannot tell you what to do, there are those that will say go for it.   I lost all my family, pursuing a need, I was 12 years old, did'nt understand my feelings,  A choice was made for me. I had great difficulty trying to understand at that age how people who should have looked after me, rejected me.   Take your time, do not do anything in haste, some parents and family will understand, people need educating,  Ihere are countless physical and clinical reasons to feel the way you do.    It's not as if a person wakes up one day and decides they are different,    For instance did you know that some of us are born with female brains, sometimes mutated chromosones can affect how our bodies develop and the way our brains function.   Then the need for change never goes away.    

    • June 11, 2017 3:02 PM BST
    • Hi Tracy and Christine,

      many thanks for the war welcome. 

      I say enjoy your journey

      I wish I could. I am sure all of you fought with the voices in your head. All the ifs and buts. I do envy everyone you did do the step to tell the world: "I am done with this. Take me as I am or leave it!"

      We are humans and emotions are a weird thing. I am scared to lose people I deeply care about. It is easy to say "If they don't accept you who you are, they are not worth it."

      "I suggest you see a therapist that is familiar with Gender Identity Issues, rather than someone that has no clue about what is involved."

      Easier said then done. Last time I managed to get a referal directly to a more specialist therapist. But I was on a 6 month waiting list. And for the right and wrong reasons on both sites, it was a complete desaster. 

      I booked an appointment with my GP to ask for another referal already. Hope I won't chicken out. 

      Why is it so hard to talk to someone about this? Why is it such a daunting topic to tell people who know you better than your own family. 

      Well, you all know, it is not "a phase" and it won't "go away". 

      Suppose Kurt Marti is right: "Where would we be if we all just sat there and said ‘where would we be now’, but nobody was prepared to go and find out where we would be if we actually went."

       

      but we are not just any internet site, we care and share, have an empathy with each other, try to help and support people, people here listen and know ho you feel.

      I know Christine. Sorry I did not want to offend you. Is it sad, that it is easier to talk to strangers about something that is such a big part of us than people close to us who we should talk to? 

      Sorry, I am actually quite a fun person. Just at the moment feel I can't live with the status quo anymore but I am not prepared to lose anything I care about either. 

      Emotions ;)

      Have a lovely Sunday!

    • June 10, 2017 4:38 PM BST
    • Welcome Zoe, a very poignant posting, but we are not just any internet site, we care and share, have an empathy with each other, try to help and support people, people here listen and know ho you feel.   I suggest you see a therapist that is familiar with Gender Identity Issues, rather than someone that has no clue about what is involved.

    • June 10, 2017 4:29 PM BST
    • As you have discovered, the infamous gender "binary" is not so black and white...and guess what? The earth didn't come crashing down! (smile) It would be definitely a kinder, gentler, and even more colorful and interesting world if others would recognize this. Sadly, when people look inside and find something "amiss" in the form of a thought, desire, or fantasy even, they tend to lash out at that very feeling and those who might embrace it. Hence, we get to the place we are today where it's either "black or white", living in an "absolute" world.
      I say enjoy your journey and do not fear others judging you in here...do share your thoughts and feelings often!

      Traci xoxo

    • June 10, 2017 2:52 PM BST
    • Hi :),

      my appologies, if I chose the wrong forum. 

      And I am sure, what will follow will in some shape or form been posted here somewhere a (felt) million times. But I just need to write it down and tell someone. The internet is patient and a great listener. Sometimes rubbish in giving advise or even mean. But you can hide behind a keyboard and a screen and create the character you want. Yes, the mask will fall eventually...

      Anyway, I am sure you got the point ;).

      I am at the end of my 30s and weird in many ways. I have been batteling with my inner voices since I am a teenager. I was jealous of women. What they wear, their hair, make up, skin... I wanted to be like them.  

      I wore my 1st dress when I was 20. A friend gave it to me, when she blackmailed me to come to her birthday party with a crossdressing theme. (I never gave it back.) For everyone it was fun. But for me it was torture. I loved wearing it. And I certainly spend a lot of time looking at me wearing it in the mirror. (before and after the party) It felt right and wrong at the same time. The worst was, I looked like a guy wearing a dress.

      I fell in love quite a few years later. It took not long and our relationship became a rollercoaster right. I had a lot of female friends as flat mates and most of my friends are female. But it was different sharing a life this close with someone, you are jealous of their body. Eventually I confessed to her. 

      I bought my first nighty and a few months later my very first dress. When our relationship was at a breaking point because I was an emotional a*** again, I approached my GP and asked for a referal to a psychologist. Well, this did not go well. 

      At the time she told me, she does not have a problem with me wearing dresses. But she believes it would be the end of our relationship if I were to start taking hormones. And I really understand this. 

      Since then my wardrobe is split. I wear dresses, skirts and tights almost every weekend, feeling good, scared (it is too much for her) and sad (everytime I pass a mirror and see a guy in womens cloth). I went to see a make up artist and to a wig shop when I managed to send my inner voices on a brief holiday. I liked how it felt - but hated how it looked. 

      I only ever used my biological gender in an online forum once. All other times you'll meet me as a woman. I never lie apart from the name and suppose giving this way the impression to be another person. But everything else is true.

      I am feeling trapped and scared.

      As I said in the beginning, I just had to tell someone. So thank you internet for beeing a great listener.

      Zoe 

       

       

    • May 22, 2017 11:49 PM BST
    • Super news Vanessa and thanks for sharing - I am so happy for you!! : )
      Many great times ahead for you and your family!

    • May 22, 2017 3:37 PM BST
    • Well told the wife and was going ok, she knew something was going on we talk for about an hour and then she ask if the girls knew i said yes and everthing when downhill fast she started cying becaus he was not the first to know and the irls didn't care for her, then I started to say I so sorry for everything and I should had never came out to anybody. she when to sleep and I was all alone feeling so bad and crying and could not sleep very bad things was going though my mind that had not be there in a very long time I almost got out of bed and do the unthinkable then my girls face pop into my head once again they saved my life. still very sad and lonely I think I will be ok, sorry for dumping this on here just no one to talk to didn't want my girls to know how close I came last night. 

      Thank you

      Vanessa  

       

      Just had to tell someone else, I came out to my girls and they are so happy for me and are happy to help with makeup and anything else I may need help with, I had been telling them I had to talk to them after I talked to my wife but I just had to tell them they mean the world to me and I don't know what I would have done if they could not accept Vanessa, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do I"m so glad I did this it feels like the world has be lifed off my shoulders.

    • May 2, 2017 4:43 AM BST
    • So sorry i placed this under the wrong topic

       

      Alice x

    • May 2, 2017 4:09 AM BST
    • Hi

      I am loking for girl friendly hotels in uk/ europe to just visit and relax without any problems

      Does anyone have any suggestions/ experiance of staying in these places

       

      Thank you

       

      Alice x

    • April 29, 2017 8:58 PM BST
    • They probably think your couragous and amazing, sooner or later you will get around to thinking the same, I certainly do. xxXxx

    • April 29, 2017 8:49 PM BST
    • In a week I will have been out at work for two months. It is been more amazing that I ever hoped for. The number of misgenders/misnamings has all but stopped at work. Instead of a daily occurance it almost never happens now. When it does its with people I don't interact with a lot and they always correct themself's with in seconds.

       

      Yesterday we had the first of many women only events at work. This one we were raising donations, cash and physical, for a local women's shelter. It felt so good to be part of that and chatting with many of the ladies that I don't talk with a lot over lunch. 

       

      The one funny thing that I found out from my HR manager, in confidence, when I mentioned that the people have been so amazing and accepting and supportive that one of the guys told her: "If anybody hurts her I'm going to punch their lights out." She liked the idea but told him he needs to use his words, not his fists. :D

    • April 4, 2017 9:55 PM BST
    • I had an amazing appointment with my endocrinologist today! We increased the antiandrogens and started estrogen. That in and of itself was amazing. As well, I got the letter that the province wants to change the marker on my birth certificate to F officially! So, when my name change comes back in the next few weeks (takes about 6 to 8 weeks) I can then submit the form to change the gender marker on all of my identification as well.

       

      Work has still be great. The misnaming and misgendering are getting fewer and farther in between and everybody corrects themself as soon as they do it! This is really a magical year for me so far. It just keeps getting better and better!

    • April 1, 2017 11:14 PM BST
    • I've been out for almost 4 weeks now at work. It has been a wonderful ride. The company and the people have all been so supportive through out it all. I get misnamed and misgendered now and again but everybody corrects themselves right away so I'm happy. Washroom is still an issue that we haven't tackled but there are washrooms that I can use until we get it ironed out. In some ways I'm a bit more comfortable using the gender neutral ones that we have at the moment.

    • March 15, 2017 10:44 PM GMT
    • This amazing month keeps getting better and better. One week fully out at work and I'm so much happier, productive and the people have been great. Today I got the confirmation from my Gender Therapist that at our next appointment, the 22nd, she will have the letter that my endo needs before she will prescribe female hormones. I already have the appointment booked, April 4th, and I will have the form she wants and blood work done as well. You all helped me find the courage to do these amazing things. You are all amazing and I wish you nothing but the best. (warm hugs for everybody)

    • March 14, 2017 3:43 PM GMT
    • What sort of transplant?

    • March 13, 2017 11:53 PM GMT
    • Hey guys/girls,

      I am thinking of getting a transplant. I am wondering is there a quick way to find funds for the operation if you are unable or finding it difficult to pay.

      xx

      Bruce

    • March 11, 2017 11:56 AM GMT
    • It's really lovely to hear of such a positive experience, it warms the cockles, as we say in Lancashire. Canadians seem like really nice people on the whole, and if your experience is typical then it sounds like attitudes are similar to here in the UK.

      Misgendering and using former names is inevitable in the early days, but people will soon get used to the changes.

      So glad it's going well for you, Cynthia. Please keep us posted.

      xx

       

    • March 11, 2017 1:20 AM GMT
    • The first day at work as Cynthia was great! The company changed my email address, login and my name plate to all ready Cynthia. One of the girls I work with brought me chocolates to celebrate International Women's Day. Everybody I interacted with was so nice and there no weirdness. Day two was just as remarkable. I talked with more and more people in the office and they were all accepting and supportive. One of my long time friends at work came over and gave me a warm hug and made me feel so special with what she said to me. Today was just as nice. I was told, "You look so beautiful and you're so much more alive!"

       

      There are a few downsides still. I did get mis-gendered a few times and called by my old gender neutral name but that was by people I've known for years. I can't fault them because it is second nature to them at this point. Later on I was gendered correctly by them and called Cynthia. I've been delegated to use a gender neutral bathroom for the time being but my HR manager was talking with the ladies in the office and letting them know that eventually I will be using the women's bathroom. I will hear more about that talk on Monday.

       

      One thing that I find strange, but wonderful, is hearing people say Cynthia. Though it is my chosen name there were not many that knew it before I finally came out at work. Fewer still have ever said it aloud. Hearing people say Cynthia makes me feel so warm inside.

    • March 6, 2017 10:50 PM GMT
    • Mark March 8th, 2017 on your calendars. It is Cynthia's birthday. The day I stop living a dual life and live my life as Cynthia only. I'm happy, sad, scared, joyful, about a million different feelings.

       

      Only problem now is I have no idea what I'm going to wear for my first day. :D

    • March 3, 2017 7:59 PM GMT
    • While she can't give me estrogen until she receives the letter from my therapist my endocrinologist increased my testosterone blocker because the does is much lower than what is required for it to be effective. She also gave me the form so that when my therapist gets her the letter I can get the blood work done before the next appointment and she will write that presecription! This has been such an amazing fortnight for me. :)

    • March 3, 2017 1:14 PM GMT
    • Great courage...hope all goes well.

    • March 2, 2017 2:39 PM GMT
    • Super news Cynthia - I am so very happy for you!! : ) 
      All the best in each step along the way.

    • March 2, 2017 12:32 PM GMT
    • You go girl. Busy and exciting times ahead. Really am happy for you

    • March 2, 2017 2:30 AM GMT
    • Things have been just so amazing since my appointment with my GT last week. With her help I found to courage to come out at work. Today we came up with a transition/integration plan for work. I should be fully out and integrating my female identity in two weeks.

       

      Now, she is also going to work with my doctors to get me started on HRT. I called the endo's office to see when she might have an opening and she just happened to have a cancelation this Friday! I will go and get the form for the blood work. Then, once my gender therapist clears me for HRT I can get the blood work done and just have the follow up for the actual prescriptions!

       

      I've also got my name change forms ready to be witnessed by a notary public and be submitted to legally change my name to Cynthia! I will be doing that on Friday as well.

    • March 1, 2017 9:16 PM GMT
    • That's great Cynthia. So happy for you

    • March 1, 2017 5:21 AM GMT
    • i am so happy for you 

    • March 1, 2017 5:21 AM GMT
    • Cynthia Leigh said:

      I finally did it! I came out at work this afternoon during the touch point meeting my team has with our HR manager and team supervisor. It went exceptionally well. They were all so very accepting. It is a total relief to have this fear off my shoulders. That doesn't mean that I can wear a dress to work on Monday but we can start on the transition plan and coming out to the rest of the office. Knowing that there is acceptance, support and an end to the double life has me feeling so happy!!!!!!

       

    • February 27, 2017 4:10 PM GMT
    • I am so pleased for you Cynthia,.Its a relief.I remember when I did this at work,it seemed to open out a lot of new reactions from people,things just felt more real.Hope it goes well in the future

    • February 24, 2017 10:45 PM GMT
    • What a lovely person you are,    Well done    xxxxx   great that people are accepting and suportive,   some probably won't be but you are doing great.

    • February 24, 2017 10:34 PM GMT
    • I finally did it! I came out at work this afternoon during the touch point meeting my team has with our HR manager and team supervisor. It went exceptionally well. They were all so very accepting. It is a total relief to have this fear off my shoulders. That doesn't mean that I can wear a dress to work on Monday but we can start on the transition plan and coming out to the rest of the office. Knowing that there is acceptance, support and an end to the double life has me feeling so happy!!!!!!

    • April 11, 2017 8:53 PM BST
    • Thanks Donna-

      I am working on making an appointment with a super qualified local therapist, but my healthcare under my parents, which is an HMO, might not cover it, even when listed as depression, which is what she does, and if that is the case, idk what I will do

    • April 11, 2017 8:27 AM BST
    • Hi Jessica, Anyone who is in the minority of being Transgendered will know and feel that this letter is perfect.Sadly the vast majority cannot empathise with your situation .Transitioning may take years.It has taken me many years, including periods when it seemed the "Normal Expectations" overwhelmed me forced me back.On reflection things only really changed when I started to make time to transition from the inside out.I like your letter Jessica ,because you directly express that this is fundamental part of your being and development and rightly say that it is not a bad thing.Certainly make the appointments with specialists, and just make simple small progressive steps.You can change yourself, but you cannot change other people's reactions ,they have to do that themselves, just show that you understand it is difficult for them.Transgender people have always existed

    • April 11, 2017 12:48 AM BST
    • Lucy Diamond said:

      Very well written, Jessica. Good luck with everything.

      xx

      Thanks Lucy. Unfortunately I sent that to my parents in January of 2016, and it didn't go so well

    • April 10, 2017 9:17 AM BST
    • Very well written, Jessica. Good luck with everything.

      xx

    • April 10, 2017 3:05 AM BST
    • It has been a year, and they didn't exactly take it well, as I am still living at home, not transitioning in any way, and they won't really talk to me about it. Any advice would be beyond greatly appreciated, whether it is how to talk to my parents about it without blowing up, how to get my own place while living at home, etc. 

      I am going to post the link to the letter. It is a google drive file, so let me know if there is any trouble accessing it. 

       

      https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxKGkql1AnzxRWZWa1lWUnlqZms/view?usp=sharing

    • February 13, 2017 10:59 AM GMT
    • Hi all.

      I am new to the group an a looking for help and advice. I have been starting to wonder more seriously of late whether my cross dressing which I have done since a small kid actually had a deeper underlying message.
      The reason I am unsure is that my fascination started with boots and has always continued in that theme but I developed a love for anything leather too. That said when i am dressed I feel totally at ease but do admit I get a kick out of the feeling too.
      The more I read into this there are signs I guess like always wanting to play computer games as a female. Fantasising about being turned into a goal. Having femme poses without realising and even a high pitched scream when scared. The latest one is the ring finger and index finger being the same size.

      Has anyone else been through something similar that can share their experiences. I can't imagine if I transitioned for example that I wouldn't want to wear boots all the time. Or would that disappear as it would be replaced with other desires.

      Any advice or help appreciated. Would love to meet others to discuss and share.

      Best

    • February 4, 2017 7:19 PM GMT
    • Thanks!

      That particular one did not work out but I've got a couple more in the works that are also pretty exciting!

    • February 4, 2017 6:59 PM GMT
    • Hope it all works out well for you Cynthia.  Please do let us know how it goes.

      Hugs, Katie   :)

    • January 31, 2017 10:16 PM GMT
    • A really awesome experience in regards to coming out today. The recruiter called me back for the second phone interview. We spoke about how my plan was to come out if/when I start the new job and actually start presenting female. She was so super supportive and started calling me by my chosen name, Cynthia. I'm so hoping that I get this position because I can start transitioning at the same time.

       

      Regardless if I get this new position at the new company I've decided that I've had enough flip flopping between male and female. I will be coming out at my current work, the only place I'm not out, as soon as I can connect with HR. It's been really hard because we've got this extremely important demo tomorrow and we have had to focus all of our time and energy into making this deadline. After this demo things drop off and I should finally be able to connect with her.

    • January 28, 2017 12:42 AM GMT
    • She loved my basic resume and asked me to update it. They are more than happy with me starting as Cynthia instead of my old self! I'm really excited about this new opportunity. I hope that the next phone interview next week goes well!

    • January 27, 2017 1:05 AM GMT
    • I was approached by a recruiter to see if I would be interested in a position with another company. Today we had a quick get to know each other interview that went swimmingly well. She asked me to forward my CV and I did. What is exciting is that it looks like they will be very supportive of me being me rather than the shell most people see on a day to day basis. I didn't want to jinx it by saying something but I'm super excited!

    • January 20, 2017 2:35 PM GMT
    • HI its nearly 12 month since i was last here and not much has changed except my wife going through denial and anger stages again so i stay in male mode all the time unfortunately my only time is with my daughter, having to go backwards and  take time is always hard but i hope that a positive outcome is to be had. well my daughter and i went on holidays for a week and we had one girly day and she did my makeup and said i look terrible, saw my facial response to the comment so she redid it and said 'now you re pretty!'

      It was clasic and she was really concerned that she offended me, she then without any coxing said i need to talk like a woman so we spent some time on raising my voice once we got it right she said now we are ready to go out. i still have issue with that as i am still having electrolysis and have the welts so no outing this time but net time we will be there.\

      Once again they do surprise you when you least expect it.

    • January 15, 2017 11:45 AM GMT
    • I've had jobs taken from me for being transgender . Did I Gove up being Jennifer. Hell no. I'm still me. No one could change that. I stood my ground eventually a good job came. And I love it. I didn't back down I was asked to detransition. I refused.

    • January 15, 2017 11:40 AM GMT
    • Bad situations are part of being a girl. There is no magic way to escape problems . Nor start and stop hormones at when u feel like it. I believe the use of hrts should be a permanent decision. And they can cause memory issues. But not really really bad. The hormones change more then just exterior. They work inside you. And even in the brain. This is not an easy road. It takes balls to live it.

    • December 16, 2016 4:47 AM GMT
    • As I tried to say is that the idea of reversing everything wasn't what I wanted. My doctor at the time had me very heavily medicated and I was in a really bad situation. So between her and my family I was convinced I made a horrible woman and I should never have started transitioning. The things done to reverse things were all this doctor's idea.

       

      Coming out as Cynthia will wait and I will stay in the closet. I will continue to be who my wife needs through this time. Even after she passes away I will take more time to make sure that this is the right decision for me and what I really want. That it is not just a rash decision to deal with grief. I don't believe it is as the feelings that I was born with the wrong body were there much longer than I started dating my wife. I miss being able to do the things that I was able to before my wife's health got so bad because there is always somebody here. Doing them would make things harder for her and that is the last thing I want.