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    • May 20, 2017 2:28 PM BST
    • Crissie...yes, that is the reality of hanging around the "regular" crowd.  "Geez, you're talking with a trans girl?  You must be weird" mentality!  I find more and more that my true circle of friends lies in the world of music and art.  There, I am not judged by what I was or am, but rather can I play music well or mingle and socialize "properly" in those circles.  It helps to be able to blend in regarding appearance, but I am constantly aware of the larger community I represent and am careful not to do things that might disgrace us.  Long gone are the days of trying to pole dance at drag shows!  LOL

      Back to your point, I'm certain that some people look down upon me when my back is turned.  I've learned to hold my head high, maintain a positive and compassionate stance, and act like I belong on this planet as much as anyone else.  I tend to migrate around other fun and positive people and this helps tons!  I'll admit to wishing at times I had superpowers of hearing so I could hear what they might say when I leave their space though...(smile)

      While it might seem hard to believe, things have ogtten a lot better for us thatn it was say in the 60s, 70s, and 80s.  Lots of "interesting" stories from those days to tell...another time maybe!

      Traci xoxo

    • May 20, 2017 1:38 PM BST
    • Brilliant and thoughtful piece Traci.     Then there are the semi-friends, I have quite a few, that will be complimentary, engage in coversation, but when they are with friends in the pub, ignore me completely, next time they engage me, it's always my friends don't understand, erm you don't want to be seen fraternising/associating with a weirdo? which then goes on to I don't think your a weirdo, it's just my friends don't understand, erm ar'nt a couple of your friends gay? Ah yes but that is different.   Ignorance is bliss.

    • May 20, 2017 2:33 AM BST
    • ...and don't forget that people fear that which they do not understand.  When Caitlyn Jenner becomes our community spokesperson and Time magazine's "Woman of the Year" and 99.9% of the world population are still struggling with even beginning to grasp our world, their instinct is to reject or strike out against both Jenner and anybody like her, meaning us!  "Straight" guys will not give an inch in attempting to understand out of fear that possibly they might have had less than binary gender thoughts in their lives and to sympathize with us might only expose them.  It quickly becomes a mob mentality of negativity while most take the "safe side" of public opinion which only grows in numbers as people see those around them speak out against our community.  Sorta like the blind leading the blind here...

      To help swing the pendulum, it's going to take some really prominent, brave souls who identify within the binary to speak in favor of our efforts.  Also it will take some very respected people in public opinion to come out as trans without it becoming a literal freak show played out in tabloids and television like Jenner did.  That, as much as anything, really strengthened the negativity of the opposition.  While I have nothing against Jenner transitioning, the manner she did and the acclaim and attention she got set us back with the masses.  Heck, all she did was toss money at her body without truly understanding the world of women.  She probably is a cross dresser who just acted rashly despite what she says today.  I do not see any signs of womanhood in her the way she thinks and handles herself. So until the "freak element" gets less pubicity and is replaced by normal, productive, prominent trans folks, most people will continue to push back against ourselves.

      It sucks, but that's reality...

      Traci xoxo

    • May 19, 2017 9:04 PM BST
    • I think it about categories.  If you were lesbian or gay, they could put you into a certain category and I think that people are more comfortable with those aspects of the LGBT spectrum.  They probably even get Bi, especially since Catpain Jack on Dr Who.  But  Trans?  There is not a lot of information out there about it in general media.  You still get Trump and his minions doing the whole "Men only wear dresses so that they can sneak into womens bathrooms" junk.  For many men the idea of wanting to not be a man is beyond them, since women are seen as less than what they are now.  


      So yeah.  Thats my idea on the subject, for what its worth.



    • May 18, 2017 12:06 AM BST
    • Word doesn't bother me much. I just hate how so many people bail when they here me type/say, I'm transgender. It goes from, "Oh you're so interesting." to "Uhm, I didn't know" and never hear from that person that claimed they loved you 15 minutes earlier in the conversation!

    • May 17, 2017 8:53 PM BST
    • Don't worry about it, must be hundreds of words  beginging with trans, transport, transiant, transpose, transit.   lots of people don't like the word tranny in our community,   does'nt bother me, I think among ourselves it's an all encompassing word, often used by outsiders in a degotary way.

    • May 15, 2017 10:29 PM BST
    • This really isn't about understanding men, or dating, or anything other than day to day living. I'm just trying to understand why, so many people, when they hear the word "trans" are so fearful and hateful. I know there really isn't an answer to the question but of late I'm starting to have more and more negative reactions when I say trans. Even to people in the LGBT spectrum. I just don't get it.


      No realy need to answer. I just needed to get that off my chest so my boobs would start growing again. :)

    • May 14, 2017 10:16 PM BST
    • Try this link instead:




    • May 14, 2017 10:10 PM BST
    • Oh.  I thought i had another month on it.  OK I will refresh it.  


      Thanks Cynthia.



    • May 10, 2017 11:43 PM BST
    • Just an FYI that link leads to a session expired page.

    • May 7, 2017 10:01 PM BST

    • Hi,


      I am currently studying for a qualification in education and, as a part of my main project I would like some input from the tg population with regard to a quiz that I have developed:



      I am interested to see if any particular data drops out of this from tg participants.  Please note -  This is not a COGIATI style test and is simply looking at education.





    • May 11, 2017 9:54 PM BST
    • I think the internet is fine, up to a point.  I also think that getting out and doing things where you will meet people is good as well.  Take up an evening class, or something like that.  Perhaps join clubs or things may also be beneficial.  Even if you don't find mr right, you can still have fun and perhaps find friends as well.  Dating sites fail in this I think.  Just finding people you like to spend time with.


      Just a thought.


    • May 11, 2017 12:26 AM BST
    • Inerestingly enough I've been looking, still. Though, I automatically dump any friend requests from Facebook unless they've got two references, provide a credit history and a diamond ring deposit. :P It was through a dating site. Initially I left trans off my profile and my damned phone never stopped going off. I'd chat casually with them to see what they were about but only a handful made it through the SPAM filter. Most, once the T word came up were, oh, interesting see ya. There have been a few that have stuck around though. I actually added T to my profile to read instead of just "unique woman" to "unique woman, yes, that means I'm trans." I'm still getting requests, though far fewer than before. I've also had some really strange women as well as men answer me on dating sites.


      I guess, be patient, be up front and hopefully anyone will find what they are looking for in a partner. Yes, you'll need to bounce some right to the recycling bin but there are people out there looking for genuine, honest people, regardless of gender identity.



    • May 2, 2017 10:59 PM BST
    • Thnx Matt for chipping in!


    • May 2, 2017 9:42 PM BST
    • Well............

      It has been interesting to read through all the previous posts & see the opinions being voiced by them. I feel that it is time for one of our very few gm members to way in my two pence worth.

      Yes life can be a bitch & you do need to spend a long time digging through all of the chaff to find the possible diamond. Having been on the other side of the fence and trying to find a female partner to have a relationship together with any luck...... There are just as many females who are out to ruin you both mentally & fiancially. The point I am trying to make is that it is equally hard to find someone no matter what your preference in potential partner would be

    • May 2, 2017 9:07 PM BST
    • Doesn't seem to be anybody on chat when I go there.  Oh well.


      Anyway, my two penneth worth.


      It seems that the journey many of the users here embark on is about being their true selves, making sure that their bodies match their minds.  It is as much about self discovery and being true.  But the big fear is that you will live and die alone, the same as everybody else on the planet.  The only thing I can say is that, while in love we might change in order to be what our partners want, to some extent, be true to yourself.  You don't need to date desparate.  You are wonderful as ou are and if your potential partner can not see that, then they are not the right partner.



    • May 1, 2017 5:38 PM BST
    • Is chat open to all comers???

    • May 1, 2017 5:36 PM BST
    • Just a thought, moderation and anti trolling monitoring on this site, is realy good, so if a candidate for meeting lasts more than a couple of hours, surely that must go some way to helping provide more suitable prospective partners.


      If people lodge stupid, aggresive or blatant gross posts, then they can expect stupid and caustic replies, as in anyone take 12 inches?  like what are you capable of, screw me 4 times?

    • May 1, 2017 5:27 PM BST
    • Intresting question...but to drive up contributions from others, perhaps we unlock the gates to many topics otherwise forbidden?  I say "yes" for now...


    • May 1, 2017 5:21 PM BST
    • Mmmmm Traci, the sage,(the wise one)  should we move the dating forum on GS to all member access?

    • May 1, 2017 5:16 PM BST
    • The biggest "advantage" to using a dating site is that at least you're "fishing" in a pool that might have a lot more "open minded" people. The drawbacks are obvious in that you'll find a ton of "garbage" fish amongst the potential trophy fish.  By setting up a profile in those sites, at least you're upfont in your gender status and if you word your profile carefully enough, you can weed out the weird ones from the good ones.  Even then, it takes close scrutiny of those contacting you.  A rough estimate from my experience is that for every 100 people who reach out, maybe 5 or so are worth continuing conversation with, and of those 5, maybe, just maybe, 1 works out to where you do look forward to meeting them.  

      So my advice is do not be that sunfish that will strike on anything that you toss in the water.  I'd rather be alone than to waste time with someone that I know I truly would not wish to see again...

      Traci xoxo

    • May 1, 2017 3:00 AM BST
    • From personal observation, even genuine girls (what is the preferred term? GG?) have many of the same problems finding nice guys that you mention. Internet dating doesn't live up to its promise. In all of my experience, the nicest people were to be found when I wasn't even looking for them. That goes for the anecdotal observations of other people I've talked to. Granted, TS women have the additional risk factor that has been mentioned. So bottom line is to find a nice guy who is cool with a TS woman. Which do you do first? Find a nice guy and then see what is his attitude about TS or find a group of guys who know you're TS and see if one of them is a nice guy. Unfortunately, that is what I don't know. But I think I would avoid the internet if I were hoping to meet someone and my wife gave me permission.

    • May 1, 2017 1:16 AM BST
    • Awww...just go about your normal business and things will fall into place over time.  No need to rush, you have enough on your plate right now!  (smile)


    • April 30, 2017 11:51 PM BST
    • I'm figure it out rather quickly, out of necessity! My spam filter gets rid of a lot of the chaff but it's disappointing when you find a promising one only for them to run for the hills or ask for money after a few conversations. The ones that are truly horiffying though are the ones that send dick pics/videos. What makes a person feel like that need to share that with somebody they've mailed from a site once! I'm sure that I'll find somebody, someday and I'm definitely not in any rush. My door definitely isn't closed to anybody on the gender spectrum. Unfortunately I'm finding that for these sites you have to have your profile set to a single binary choice, M or F. The ones I tried that weren't I will definitely not return to (shakes head).

      Thanks for the reply dear. (hugs)

    • April 30, 2017 4:43 PM BST
    • Cynthia, I'm glad you have at least learned to understand the games being played on the internet dating sites.  Always keep your standards high and continue to maintain your dignity for once you lower yourself down to their levels, you'll have a tough time ever climbing back to the "norm".  There are good people out there but you must be patient and screen carefully.  Mlost think we're vulnerable and desparate.  Sadly, many of us tend to be that not be "that person"!  And I've found by eliminating the gender binary hangups and just seeing another for just their admirable traits really opens up my world to unlimited possibilities.  Being on estrogen for a while will truly make that easier for you over time!

      Best wishes always!

      Traci xoxo

    • April 29, 2017 8:26 PM BST
    • I'm tired of trying online relationships with men through social media, dating sites, meetups, whatever. I chat with them for a bit, and tell them that I'm a "special girl". (Thanks for that term Traci :) ) Then either one of two things happens. I never hear from them again, which is preferable to the second behavior. They profess their undying love, continue to chat with me and a week later start asking for money in different ways. One guy it was iTunes cards for is daughter, another my son was in an accident and I need money for emergency medical treatment, basically I will be with you but as long as you pay me to be with you. I'm not giving up on the male side of the race but I seem to only be attracting the "winners."



    • April 27, 2017 9:52 PM BST
    • This is an interesting post.  Thanks for sharing this Cristine.  It does paint a bleak picture for finding the right partner.  But I think you have the right idea, judging from your approach.  Stay positive.  I think that staying true to yourself and don't try to justify yourself is probably the best lesson from these posts.  This site really is a gem.



    • April 17, 2017 10:52 PM BST
    • *giggles*


    • April 17, 2017 3:08 PM BST
    • That does not apply to our lovely men that are members here, lol.


      But I have found that most men are akin to mascara, first sign of emotion, a few tears and it runs

    • April 17, 2017 2:50 PM BST
    • Confucious has nothing on our lovely Crissie!!!


    • April 13, 2017 6:09 PM BST
    • How cool!  (smile)


    • April 13, 2017 3:01 PM BST
    • Well I did unleash myself once to Hunter. He was just 25 and a culinary student in NYC. I met him at one of those rate me/date me sites. He was so respectful and pashionate that after a few months, I did meet him at Tavern on the green. Over a glass of wine, I gently explained my status. He was surprised but after a few gulps of wine he said "I don't care, I still want to see you". That led to a summer affair that made me feel like a young girl again. It was wonderful but I finally had to let my little cub go,

    • April 12, 2017 9:11 PM BST
    • Rhonda...the younger guys might fall into a grouping that includes "gold diggers" (guys out to just leech onto your financial assets where you afford their lifestyle...).  Or they might think that since you are "older" and single, that you're desparate for companionship and sex, etc.  (smile)  I try my best to bring their intentions out in a subtle yet revealing way and will show some serious "bitch" at them when I crack their code!  LOL  The "best" are the guys that ask "can you host"???  LOL  In other words, they're either married and sneaking around or are embarrassed to bring you back to mom's basement!  In younger guys, I'm upfront in stressing while I'm OK with seeing a younger guy, I'm really looking for maturity and that age does not matter if one acts civilized and mature in all settings.  Geez, I sound like a tightly wrapped prude but nothing could be further from the truth.  They have to earn my trust before I'll unleash my inner self, which is actually a fun loving, spirited woman who is comfy in about any environment, casual to formal.  But I refuse to lower myself into the gutter to satisfy some knucklehead's sexual fantasy unless it is mine! (grin)

      Stay safe out there and enjoy life!

      Traci xoxo

    • April 12, 2017 3:08 PM BST
    • well said Traci and a very wise procedure. I'm on OK Cupid with no real intention of meeting anyone. But it is nice to get flattering comments from handsome young men- some of them are really young. Can't understand what they want with a woman my age.

    • May 7, 2017 9:42 PM BST
    • I have not seen this used as a defense.  There are prisoners who will claim to be transgender in order to gain advantages while in prison.  Single cells, individual showering and laundry, etc.  However, being transgender does not lessen their sentence.  I can not comment on the cases above and I would not talk about individual prisoners in any event.  However, there are genuine transgender prisoners who still require hormones.  That tends to be the litmus test.  The hormones.  Everything else is just window dressing.  If they declare that they are transgender then we will treat them accordingly.  Trans prisoners are given psycological and medical help.  However many trans prisoners suffer from depression and self harm.  Many have attempted suicide and the prisons are taking this seriously and, from my observations, take quite a few steps to ensure the safety and well being of these prisoners.


      However, medical care and extra considerations are one thing, but I am not aware of any instance where this has led to a reduction in sentence.  But I am just a small cog in the system.  



    • May 7, 2017 4:56 PM BST
    • What we must not do as a society is to seem to compensate criminals for something they attrempt to use as a defence for the wrongs they have done.   I find it hard to take in that a male person claiming to be a woman would violate young girls in the most horrific manner.   It is a totaly alien concept.   Would this particular instance as above be brought into contesting the prisoners right to surgery and treatment, what about men that start transitioning in prison after commiting this type of crime,   It is now reported that Ian Huntley responsible for the rape and murder of two very young schoolgirls in Soham is now making applications to transition in prison.


      Don't forget it is up to the government department of prisons to evaluate each individual case where a person is transitioning, the essense being on how far have they progressed in their transition prior to being incarcerated as to where they are located and what if any treatment is required, BUT does this department have expertise and competant people to evaluate the claim of a potential candidate for treatment?.


      A report in the newspapers last week, stated another young transexual had commited suicide in a male prison, the report did not state the nature of the crime, but it would seem that she started to transition long before she was tried and locked up.

    • May 2, 2017 9:38 PM BST
    • Yeah, rubbish childhood I understand.  I definately get the need to help others and share info and perhaps thats what the rubbish start gives you.  I don't know.  But I feel sorry for people who are so wrapped up in themselves that they never question their certainties or try to help other people.  One of the many things I don't understand about humanity, or at least some sections of it.  So yeah, I like to contribute.  



    • May 2, 2017 9:30 PM BST
    • Alice it's nice to see you engaging, realy appreciate it.   I was as you understood, talking about the ones that join, make one post for their own gain, then never bother to come back.   I have spent most of my life learning, researching trans issues, from a medical and legal point. mostly I needed a told you so answer, for the rubbish life I endured as a young child.   I am always willing to exchange ideas, put forward information, for those truly interested and willing to learn something.  Pwehaps I will learn something new as well.

    • May 2, 2017 9:21 PM BST
    • I must admit that when I first came onto the site, it was under the accademic banner.  Oh yeah, I must post more links to my questionnaire.  However, because of where I work, there are people who I do not want knowing that I am using this site.  An example was one PO who was approached by a Somalie drug dealer.  He passed her a piece of paper with her daughters school, the childrens names and her mobile phone number.  She hit the green button very quickly.  So a bit of a smoke screen seemed to make sense.


      Anyway, I am glad that I made contact.  I like reading the posts and the people here seem nice.  I have my own questions and am working on it.  But yeah.  Why do people just post a single post here, proclaiming interest and then don't follow it up.  Pffft.  So yeah, I knnow what you mean Cristine.  But some of us want our own answers and will dip our toe in gradually.



    • May 1, 2017 4:10 PM BST
    • Anther one,    The originator of this thread,    Why do they not post their Q & A on this site,   they can't be that interested,    This site is one of the most lucrative sites regarding tran's issues of all kinds, for information, understanding and emapthy,   pisses me off the amount of people that join the 'museum'' of the unusual, for their so called studies and iniatives.

    • May 2, 2017 4:37 AM BST
    • Hi

      I am looking for a hotel in UK/ Europe that are Crossdresser/ Trans friendly, a place where i can just go to relax and not have any problems

      Does anyone have any suggestions or experience of any hotels likke this




      Alice x

    • April 27, 2017 9:55 PM BST
    • Yes I am an accountant, have a degree in accountancy, hate it, but it keeps the wolve's from the door, I never registered, just work from home, but I now have a law degree,  I hope to specialise in the UK gender recognition act & the relevant sections of the EHRC that affect, Trans people, but I am finding it hard to find a place within chambers to do my practical pupilage, so I can obtain my licence to practice and be called to the bar and it costs a fortune for all the regalia.

    • April 27, 2017 9:16 PM BST
    • Thanks for this Cristine,


      Trying to get information via the prisons, even for those who work in the system, can be a long process.  So anyway, although we deal with a variety of prisoners, since sub contracting, we do not always know how the prison systems work.  I will look this up and probably end up with more infor than the POs.  Not a surprise, I sometimes learn more from inside times that through regular sources.


      Like the new profile picture by the way.  I must sort one out for myself, but have to be careful due to the nature of my place of work.


      Oh, I forgot to ask.  You said you were an accountant.  ACCA?


      Next question.  There is a LGBT conference in Birminham at the end of June.  Have you heard anything about it and is it worth attending?



    • April 18, 2017 10:54 PM BST

      Alice the relevant sections, references.

      Where there are issues to be resolved, a case conference must be convened and a multi-disciplinary risk assessment should be completed to determine how best to manage a transsexual prisoner’s location. See Annex D for more details”. Annex D then says: “D.1 Some transsexual people will be sufficiently advanced in the gender reassignment process that it may be appropriate to place them in the estate of their acquired gender, even if the law does not yet recognise they are of their acquired gender.

    • April 18, 2017 10:43 PM BST
    • Hi Cristine,


      Thanks for the update.  I can only state what I have seen in my prison and we have quite a large trans population.  It could be that the prisoners do not have all of the necessary paperwork in place yet.  But I will have a look on NOMS and see what the latest information is on this.  If I am able to I will update.  But a lot depends upon what I have access to and am allowed to post.  I will definately have a look at the legislation you have listed and see what we are doing about it.



    • April 18, 2017 10:35 PM BST
    • Alice in the UK one is not compelled to have surgery to qualify to be recognised as a woman, there may be contributing factors why they cannot, health, religion, or just personal choice, if a person has changed all their documents, they must be considered as transgendered, if the have undergone the full term of RLE, they are entitled to have the GRB consider their application to have their birth certificate changed.   Legally they are then entitled to all the options of their new gender, unlike some countries in the EU where surgery is a requisite, some EU countries do not have a Gender recognition Act at all, so in my opinion are in breach of the EHRC, enforced medical procedures.   At the moment with legal aid, a person in the UK can appeal to the HRC in Strasbourg if they feel their rights have been breached,    The countries that insist on surgery before recognition, that's incorporated in their Gender recognition Act, accepted by the Strasburg agreement. rather conflicting the essence and foundation  of the EHRC.

      As to what is available private prisons, the laws are explicit and it is up to the prisons governing body the Ministry of prisons a government department.

    • April 18, 2017 10:12 PM BST
    • I do not know about Russian prisons.  But these are the people who gave us the Gullag, so I would not expect too much.  


      The UK prison system will still put a trans woman in a male prison, until such time as they actually undergo surgery.  That said, every prison will have a VP (Vulnerable Prisoners) wing.  However, you also have VP prisons.  However, a Cat A or B prison with your usual mix of criminals is not the ideal place for a transgender person to feel comfortable or safe.  There are some Cat Cs that are better.  In any event, people who identify themselves as trans, or who come out in prison, are observed more closely for signs of bullying etc.  There are also transgender newsletters and societies that meet regularly.  So although still having to serve time in a prison, the UK system takes more care to ensure safety than many other nations.  


      Remand prisons will work slightly differently in how they are run and it may also depend upon who runs the prison.  If private contractors, that may present a problem.  But generally, if it is a part of the HMPS, then you will find that steps have been taken to ensure that extra care is taken of transgender prisoners.



    • April 18, 2017 10:32 PM BST
    • OK, this is about 2 years after the event, but I am new here, so am hitting the backlog for topics.


      I am very familiar with depression.  I pretty much started at 12 with mild depression.  I didn't have many friends at school and suffered quite a bit on the bullying front.  Well having all of my fingers broken, two broken ribs and a broken nose, along with various other injuries before I went to secondary school tends to send a clear message with regard to popularity.  I suffered from depression for about ten years.  I eventually found a workaround, that pretty much meant identifying all of my weak areas and tackling them piece by piece.  Not ideal.  But pretty much self hate, loathing, the whole nine yards.  I pulled out of it, but it was not easy.  The problem was that I was too close to the problem and could not find a way out.  The thing is, it didn't need to take that long or be that severe.  The solution is simple.  Ask for help.  Get any help that you can.  You are not alone and should not have to suffer on your own before finding your answers.


      Use your GP.  They will try simple medication, or get you a referral.  But be honest with yourself and them.


      I hpe this helps somebody.